I have a really good friend that has a 7 year old daughter who just loves my 4-1/2 year old son. They are like magnets to each other. Problem is my friend works graveyard and cancels on us a lot. However this time she suggested that we talk to her ex (has custody). It worked out great. We picked Rachael up and had her with my Tristan most of the day. They always talk about each other and ask the parents when they can see each other next. I'm just wondering, she hasn't been there and it was just as easy to arrange the time with her ex. Should we bypass her for playdates or play the game that she calls it off for herself and we wind up calling her ex anyway. I don't want her to feel left out. I'm just getting frustrated with the calling off. She does this an hour before we are supposed to pick them up. So what now?
Well if she told you to call the ex, than I do not see why she would be upset. If you are really worried about it, you can ask her if it would make things easier for her if you would set up the play-dates with the ex.
I'd be direct and ask her what she prefers without expressing your frustration to her. You could say that it's easier for you to call the ex directly and would that be OK with her. You are not saying anything judgmental about her and I doubt that she would feel defensive or hurt. You are asking her if it's OK. This is the way communications should be. I suggest that you're having difficulty asking the question because you're putting too much into the question. In reality, you are asking a reasonable question that most mothers would appreciate your having asked. Consider, that she may not like being woke up just as much as you don't like having to wake her up.
I agree with the posts that say to ask her but I'd shy away from suggesting directly that it would be easier for her. What is or is not easier for her is an unknown and we have no business telling another person what is easier or not for them. Direct communication is the safest. It would be easier for you. You could ask if it would be easier for her but be honest about the reason you are asking.
I would talk to her. I would simply ask her if it is simpler for her if you just talk to her ex and if/when she is available she can let you know on those (seemingly rare) occassions. It was her idea in the first place so go with it.
I would be upfront with your friend and suggest that it would take some of the pressure off of her if you could arrange the playdates through the little girls Dad. I don't see why it would be a problem at all.
Hi F., I'm tryingn to understand your post. Your play dates are with a 7n year old girl and her father? how does your husband feel about that. I know for me I would feel uncomfortable spending time with a man and his daughter apossed to a mom and her daughter, I may have missed understood your post. J.
SHE suggested calling her Ex directly, so its okay with her.
Next, out of courtesy, you can just always, here and there, just call her and let her know about what's up and check in with her.
Then she won't feel out of the loop.
And tell her.... that since she is your friend, that you are just touching base with her on it. In a no biggie way.
all the best,
Susan
Just say next time...."Hey...should I just call Bill?" If you're picking the kid up and she's sleeping...what does it really matter who arranges it? And he's the O. with custody. But keep her in the loop.
Since your friend suggested you call her ex to arrange the playdate, thank her for the suggestion, let her know that you did that and that it worked out well. Maybe let her know that you'll do that in the future, but that she can give you a call when she has time to get together.
