Dealing with a Nasty Temper!

The best thing to do is not engage with her when she is acting like that. Simply remove her from the situation and put her in her own area until she calms down. Do not talk to her or try to calm her down. The more you engage with her, the more she will continue to kick and scream! My son from the age of 1 1/2-3 was the same way! I feel for you, but really it is just an attention thing and the less attention you give her when she acts like that, the sooner she will calm down.

Hi there. I also am a fellow trainer/rearer of a tough little nasty critter I call my daughter. She thinks she isd in charge, and does not care to be nice, when she wants her way. I am learning alot through her and I know that someday the assertiveness will be of a benefit to her in the future.
As for now, we go moment by moment with her and slowly she is understandijng how to control herself....slowly. She is 6 and we have been in this process ever since she was conceived. Dr. James Dobson has a great book that I am reading titled, "The Strong Willed Child." It is imperative for any parent who has a little "firecracker", so to speak, as a child. Consistency is the key word, in every area. =)

Hi,
Does she have any problems communicating? I've worked with a lot of preschoolers with speech delays as well as typically developing preschoolers and it seemed like if children had a hard time being understood they were more likely to get frustrated and act out. This might not be the problem at all but if it is, helping her practice an approrpiate response, like saying "I don't like it when you do that," or "Please share" may help. Also using signs and pictures can be helpful.

Hi A.,

I think that Carla's advice is great. I have also been having a problem with my son. Who is usually as sweet as can be until he is upset and then it gets bad. We use time out and we don't aknowledge his bad behavior and wait for him to talk to us calmly. It also works for his whinning. He knows how he should talk to us. When he calms down then we talk about the situation and how he could have handled it better. Also at this age he is soaking up everything he sees and hears. I am more conscious about what those things are. I also needed to change my behavior, that was a huge issue for me, but I'm glad to say I've done it. Good luck.

I agree with the ignoring the behavior. I have an almost 3 year old that has the same sort of problem. She has been this pretty much since birth. What I find is that I put her in her room and tell her when she is ready to be nice she may come out of her room. This seems to help. She usually calms herself down and comes out and says "Mommy, I ready to be nice now" and I let her stay out. If she starts the screaming and fussing again I just put her back in her room. I don't even need to discuss it. Sometimes I set the timer for 2 minutes (one for each year of thier age) and then she usually is ready to get back into the swing of things. I also tell her I just can't understand her when she is yelling and she needs to talk nice so I can help her if she needs it. This doesn't make it never happen but it seems to help. And she is getting better. I can even say, if I catch her in the middle of her action (hitting etc), "think about it" and she will stop most times. She did however tell us that "I like to cry and throw a fit" and I said that's fine but I don't like to listen so when you need to cry and throw a fit you can do it in your room. This also helps.

Hi A.--

I read through most of the responses and didn't see this idea so thought I would throw it out. I have a friend who had the same problem and it turned out it was food allergies. The food allergies were throwing his system out of wack. When he would get frustrated his system was already taxed and he just couldn't handle anything more so he would lash out. They treated the food allergies and the intense anger went away.

Thought it may be worth considering.
J.

Hi A.,
I would first try to find the root of her anger. Does it happen when she is tired, no nap, time for bed, etc. Is she on medication? Medications can trigger some bad reactions, go to www.askapatient.com. We had some sudden mood changes with our little one and found it was her meds.

After that, I would give time out. Serious time out. I was told by the PED to give time out for 1 minute per years old. Make them stay there for the entire time. If she moves, put her back and make the last. Once they learn that they cannot get away with it, they will watch what they do. I tried it and it works for the most part, I am not to strict with it so sometimes she strays.

Best of luck.

There are so many ways to teach a child... I would commpletely ignore (unless she is causing harm to herself or others) and walk away. Can you pinpoint what triggers her negative behavior or in what situations. Here's my email: ____@____.com
Please feel free to contact me. I was a behavior therapist before I became a stay at home mom and I'd be happy to give my opinion.
~J.

I have a niece that was that way when I first started watching her. She was 3 at the time, and is now 4. I don't really believe in spanking kids, so what I did with her and her sister is stick them in the corner. There were days that she was there almost all day long. Basically when they get stuck in the corner, I don't make them face it, as long as they keep their butt in it. I make her sit there until she has been quiet for at least 5 minutes. There are times I thought for sure someone would call the cops on me, thinking I was beating her...LOL. She screams and kicks and usually ends up hurting herself through her tantrums. She still does them once in a while here, but knows that she will sit in the corner watching the other kids play until she is done and quiet. I don't allow any toys or anything in her hands when she goes over in the corner either. When her parents show up she goes right back to being the same way, but she does not act that way here. But you have to stick to your guns, no matter what you decide to do. If you back down like her parents when she is screaming then she knows that she can get to you. Good luck!!

I'd get in touch with a professional child psychologist. Having untrained strangers diagnose the problem you and her are having might cause more harm than good.

My 2 yo has a temper too. First, know that it normal for young kids to struggle to control emotions. A couple of things we are trying:
1) If she needs to let it out, we acknowledge that she is angry and have her yell into a pillow or hit a pillow. At least she is finding a way to control her emotion. Once she can control it enough to choose to impact the pillow (and not people or random objects), work on not using the pillow. My very calm in-laws did this with their daughter, and it worked well.
2) We do some stress relief exercises. When our daughter gets agitated, we have her clench her fists and make a gritting-teeth kind of grimace, then open her fists and let out a breathy"ahhhhhhhhhh."
Hope this helps!