My dd is going through the school of hard knocks. She's invested a lot of time with her BFF who now wants to play with everyone but her and won't let her join in. She can't think of anything she's done wrong.
I keep suggesting other kids for her to play with at recess, and she does, but since she's spent so much time with the other friend, she a little bit of an outsider.
I know these friendships come and go and wax and wane, but has anyone gone through this with their kid? How did you help?
DD is 8 going on 9
Hi, J.:
You stated that he won't let her join in?
That's a problem right there.
Instead of suggestiing other friends, ask her questions about how she is coping. Listen to her. After all she will come up with her own solutions if you ask her.
Good luck.
D.
How old is she? I went thru this with my 9 yo last year. Same thing happened. I just kept encouraging him over and over to make new friends and eventually he did. I also packed some extra snacks/goodies for him for school so he could share with new kids and that really helped also. You don't really want to buy your friends with chocolate but it helps to get them initially interested! Lol! =)
Have your DD invite two other friends over this weekend for an ice-cream float making, pizza making, candied popcorn day. On Monday the witch-in-training can see how it feels to be left out!
Everyone has gone through this, give her encouragement about what a good person and friend she is, and that she has done nothing wrong. Some friendships last for life, some for a long time, some for a short time. Keep it light she's only 9ish....the first teen broken heart is yet to come! Who knows, maybe she will be the heartbreaker.
Blessings.....
Yes, my DD's best friend abruptly dropped her last summer, the summer after 3rd grade. I didn't see it coming either. They never fought. The other girl just decided she was moving on. Your DD probably didn't do anything wrong. Seems her old friend is trying out the "queen bee" role at recess. She probably recognized your DD was somewhat dependent on her socially, and she's toying with having some power. This is about the age it starts. Making new friends takes some time. You can ecourage her to start calling up some other girls she would like to get to know better and invite them for playdates, movies, outings, etc. It helps to break the ice outside of school. I'd just keep it to having one friend over or out at a time, but try to reach out to several new people. And maybe pick a brand new activity or 2 this season for her to sign up for outside of school. It's a tough lesson about not putting all your friendship eggs in one basket.
Oh, these girls! My GD goes through the same thing with the girl across the street. The other girl gets very upset when my GD plays with someone else so she'll tell her things like I'm not your friend anymore.
About the only thing you can do is give her emotional support. Just let her know that you are sorry she is going through this; that you went through things like this when you were younger so you know how she feels. Just let her know you are there with her and that you love her and that it is only a matter of time before she feels more comfortable with the new friends.
Little girls can be so mean to each other!
Ah I had this happen to me more then once growing up. It was the burn that just crushed me. Luckily I realized It was fun to have the rotating friends...and then a few have stuck by me for the long haul...She will eventually have that someone who truly is stuck to her like glue. I did not get mine until 4th grade.....I am going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding two weeks from now:)
Best advice is make her feel special for the time being. There will be someone who takes old friends place soon enough.
For the time being go do some fun girl stuff with her....This is the time you can be her hero and just be mom.
As for her friend rejecting her.....Eventually she will see what she has done. There is no promise she will change her mind...but maybe there will is the chance at least for some mutual respect.
It's hard to see these things coming. and it is even harder to pin point why it happens. Maybe it was nothing your daughter did. Maybe it was something that changed in her friends life....It could just as easily be on the other kiddo's doing. Sadly your kiddo bare's the brunt of the pain from it.
Keep 'er chin up:)
i think it's important to listen more than talk in this situation. encourage her to share her hurt feelings with you, but do try not to take the opposite tack, ie pouring sympathy and support all over her like warm syrup. exaggerating the impact of (very normal) cycles of friendship and rejection can have the backhanded effect of prolonging the learning curve and moving on process.
rather than suggest other friends for her, let her work through it by talking to you, and coming up with her own solutions. be open and sympathetic to her, but also calm and matter-of-fact. let her know it's a pretty common occurrence, even among adults, but it's not world-shattering. let her know that you have confidence in her that she's going to cope just fine.
khairete
S.
A quick message --
Buy her this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Guide-Friendship-Troubl...
The whole American Girl Library is a nice series and she will refer to it for years. Give her the resources to figure out how to help herself.
Good luck.
You've gotten a lot of great advice so far, but I would also suggest checking in with her teacher.
Lately you've asked a lot of questions re your daughter and her feelings, friendships, behaviors, etc. It's clear you are a concerned mom, which is awesome! At this age it really helps to touch base with the teacher when you notice your child struggling. I'm not talking about going in there and making demands or trying to solve all the friendship drama. I'm talking about getting some advice from the person your daughter is with all day, five days a week. The teacher should be able to support you and your daughter based on what she's seeing at school. She will probably have some more relevant and helpful suggestions because she actually knows your daughter better than we all do :)
