D&C At 12 weeks...coping

First of all I am so sorry for your loss! I had a miscarriage at 11 1/2 weeks with my middle pregnancy and it was really tough to tell everyone. I ended up sending a mass email so I wouldn't have to repeat the sad news over and over again.
Mine passed naturally so I did not have a D&C so I cannot speak to the recovery time of that. It took me a few weeks to fully pass it and for my HCG levels to come back down. My doctors advised me to wait 2-3 months before trying again.
With my subsequent pregnancy I was very nervous about how everything would go. I tried to relax and enjoy the miracle and everything did turn out fine. I asked my OB way more questions and checked out every little concern but everything was fine.
I say things will get back to "normal" in good time. If you allow yourself time to grieve and take care of yourself in your recovery and keep talking to your husband about your and his feelings and thoughts it will help. Seek the support you need.
One thing someone suggested to me is to do something in memory of the baby you lost, like plant a tree or flower, or write the baby a letter or something like that.
Take care and I hope your dream to be a mom will come true for you soon.

I'm very sorry for your loss. You've just described to the last detail what happened with our first pregnancy, and it is one of the most devastating experiences for a mom to go through. One of the hardest parts is when everyone knows you were expecting, and suddenly you're faced with the daunting task of having to tell everyone what happened. If you haven't done so already, ask a friend or family member if they could pass the sad news along for you. If you know yet whether this is something you want to talk about or not, you can also have that person give "instructions" to others such as, "She really doesn't want to talk about it yet." Although the majority of people are tactful, some need to be told directly or else you're going to be hearing horror stories and all kinds of unnecessary advice (you're still young, there's always time to try again, I had fifteen miscarriages before each of my kids and now I have five kids, etc...) You may be totally different in that these things don't phase you, but they irked me to no end, really to the extent that I wanted nothing to do with anyone for a good long time after the miscarriage.

Take the time you need to heal, and in the mean time, find something you can put your heart into. Find a hobby; take a class in something you've always wanted to learn about (even if just for fun); find somewhere to volunteer. Include your husband, if he's willing. This advice was given to me by my dad (who encouraged me to spend my time learning about something that interested me). It was a good experience, as it allowed me to take my mind off the misery of the loss (most of the time) and helped me find a side of myself I had never known before. It made me a better person, and in the long run, a better mom when I finally did have kids.

I don't know if you are feeling this way, but one thing I remember experiencing was this sense of being a failure. I had always taken it for granted that I'd be able to have kids whenever I was ready to. No one in my family had had problems having children (my grandmother had 10 kids, my mom 4) so it seemed like a given for me. While I don't know what your future holds, I can tell you that it is unbelievably common to experience a pregnancy loss, and just as normal to go on to have healthy pregnancies and children in the future. It can be nerve wracking, especially when you get pregnant again. I always kept it secret till we were well past the date of the first loss and worried about everything that seemed out of place. That's normal too. But the main thing is to find whatever helps you be at peace with what has happened and to accept whatever is going to happen as life goes on, and believe me, it does. Just take it one day at a time and give yourself time to grieve and time to get your hope back. It does return eventually.

So sorry to hear about your loss. Give yourself whatever time you need to grieve for your loss.

I had two miscarriages before I had my daughter. With the first, I needed to have a D&C. We also had told everyone about the pregnancy. It will be your choice how soon you try again. We began again immediately, actually. The second one for me was harder emotionally, but physically easier because it cleared on it's own quickly and no D&C needed. We began again immediately then, also.

When I became pregnant again, with my daughter, I had this overwhelming calm feeling. I just somehow knew this one was different and everything would be fine. Well, for one I was nauseous all day long even before the test came back positive! With the first two I had not had any morning sickness.

Be prepared that the test may not show any reason this happened. A large percentage of miscarriages have no detectable reason. I remember assuring myself that something was physically wrong with the embryos and I would just keep trying.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I had a late miscarriage with my first pregnancy as well, at 14 weeks, and it is so heartbreaking. You think you're good to go after 12 weeks, so we were quite shocked.

I can tell you it does get better with time. Just take the time you need to grieve, be sad, whatever you need to do. Tell people in your own time. And, most importantly take care of yourself.

My OB told us to wait 2 cycles and then to try again. We got pregnant on the first try. I hope this also happens for you and you get the happy, healthy baby you want. Hang in there, you will have kids. It is just sometimes harder and takes longer than we think.

I have not personally been through this but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. You must take the time you need to grieve this loss. Talk to a counselor or take part in a support group if your local hospital offers one... this is absolutely a loss and you have the right to be sad and angry and down.

I also wanted to offer you a little hope; I have two friends who experienced this. One had a miscarriage (1st pregnancy), waited 2-3 cycles, got pregnant again, miscarried (second pregnancy), waited 2 cycles, then went on to have her first. She has since had two more kids and never miscarried again. The other friend lost her baby at 17 weeks (second pregnancy, first was a live birth); she had just heard the heartbeat on doppler in the OB's office, went in for the usual second trimester ultrasound hoping to find out the gender, and the baby had stopped developing. The tissue was tested and they didn't find any abnormalities, it was just unknown. Good news is, she got pregnant a few months later and had a healthy baby. This will happen for you too!! Listen to your doctor, take some time, then try again when you both feel ready. Have faith.

I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to go through this the first time, especially when everyone else is so excited too. We lost our first 2 pregnancies both around 8 weeks and then carried a 2 healthy boys after that. You would be amazed at the number of pregnancies that end in miscarriage, not that it makes it any easier. I took time to grieve and I was sad but determined. As soon as we had the go ahead from the doctor we started trying again. If you had a D&C you will likely be able to move on sooner rather than later. Pregnancy is such a waiting game it's easy to get frustrated. And you will be nervous but that is totally justified. Do something to remember your lost little one and then start trying. Once you get your healthy baby, you will feel better, I promise. I still think about both of my misssed babies but I have two great baby boys now and am very thankful! You will be fine and my prayers are with you!

I'm so sorry-you'll have children-don't worry-wait a couple of months before you try again-It hurts everyday-but someday you'll turn around-like I did last week-and 25 years will have gone by-God bless you, Sweetheart. Be patient with your husband-while he loves you and dearly wanted the baby-he didn't have the same connection-don't fault him for this.

I went through this exact same thing. First baby and all. My D & C was also at 12 weeks but my baby passed at 9 weeks. It was heartbreaking. I just took some time to grieve. We started trying again a couple of months after that. I made sure I took time to let my body heal. My doctor was great and made sure I understood that there was nothing I did to cause this and nothing I could have done to prevent it. Get your results but if it is like most miscarriages at this stage - it just happens. Make sure you are NOT blaming yourself and that you are NOT playing the "what if" game. It does get easier with time. When I got pregnant again, I was very nervous through the 1st 12 weeks. After that, it got easier and I enjoyed the pregnacy. I'm sorry you had to go through this. PM me if you have any questions.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that pain all too well. In my first pregnancy (the first grandchild on both sides) I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We hadn't told anyone we were pregnant but what a shock! I had a feeling that something wasn't right all along but I had never been pregnant before so I didn't know that should follow my gut. My husband and I took 2 days off from work and we laid in bed and cried together. It was awful, beyond awful. In this miscarriage I didn't have a D&C. I felt that my body would take care of things naturally and it did, immediately.

We were told we had to wait 2 cycles to start trying again. We felt like we needed to start trying immediately after those cycles. It wasn't a decision we made lightly or quickly. Having to wait those 2 cycles gave us time to make that decision. I couldn't see a baby on TV without completely breaking into tears.

We made love as soon as the dr. said it was OK. We had just been through something so terrible and we wanted to be close to one another and melt into each other and be sad together. It was a little scary when we did it. I just wasn't sure if it would feel different or hurt or what. It was perfectly fine with no pain or anything to worry about but we took it slow.

I got my period again after 3 weeks if I remember correctly which means that my cycle stayed on track.

We got pregnant with our daughter the first month we were able to try again and we delivered a healthy little girl who is now 2. Last August we started trying for our 2nd child. We got pregnant right away and miscarried at 6 weeks but didn't find out till our 10 week appointment. I was shocked. I thought things would go well this time and was so disappointed. I had a D&C because I just knew that my body wasn't going to handle it on it's own. We were told to wait one cycle before trying again. We started trying and 5 months later we're pregnant again. (No one knows that yet since we're only 5 weeks).

To be completely honest with you I was terrified during my pregnancy with my daughter and I am terrified now. For us, things start to feel a little better once we get through that first ultrasound at 10 weeks and then a little better still once we get through the first trimester. It's scary though. Very scary. Every time I would go in for a checkup when I was pregnant with my daughter my blood pressure was through the roof because I was so scared of not hearing a heartbeat or not seeing her heart beating on the ultrasound screen. I would get nervous for 2 days prior to the appointment. The nurses decided to take my blood pressure AFTER I saw or heard the baby after the first few appointments so they could get an accurate reading.

Even if we wanted more than 2 children we wouldn't try. This has been too much of a roller coaster for us and it's too painful when we miscarry.

I'm hoping with all my might that my current pregnancy results in a healthy baby and we don't have to go through another miscarriage.

I understand how you're feeling now. I'm going to tell you something someone told me after my first miscarriage and I absolutely believe it to be true. She said that the baby we lost wasn't gone forever. His/her soul just wasn't quite ready yet. When we do have a baby, however we have it either through pregnancy or adoption, it will be the same baby we miscarried. Babies try and try again to get their parents until they finally do. I really believe that and it's helped me immensely. Prior to hearing this I felt that I could have a million children but I would always long for the one we didn't have. I'm certain that my daughter is the same child I miscarried before her. I could feel it while I was carrying her.

You'll get through this. Just give it time and let it take as long as it takes. Your husband may "get over" this more quickly than you do (or appear to anyway). Please know that he's still hurting but men just deal with these things very differently than women. Always know that you're not alone. Many of us have been there and are here to support you. You will come out of this haze just let it take it's course and when it's time to feel better, you will. *hugs*

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my first pregnancy at 12 weeks as well. It was so hard and there were so many unknowns. I just wanted to be a mom and I didn't know if that would ever happen. My doctor told me I was free to start trying again after 3 normal cycles. My cycle took about 3 months to come back and I just didn't want to wait 3 more months, so I tried on my 2nd cycle and now have a healthy 2 year old boy. I had no complications with that pregnancy and I'm pregnant again with baby #2. I know I have someone special watching over these pregnancies :)
My side garden has a bunch of forget me nots planted in it, this is for my angel baby. I also have a ring of what would have been my baby's birthstone. Sometimes it helps to just have something to hold on to or see.
Hugs and Prayers for you. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through.

Hi Mama -
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This has to be one of the hardest moments to get through but you will and it will make you stronger. I was 14 1/2 weeks when I lost mine. I went in for a normal check up and they couldn't find the heart beat. They said I had lost the baby the week prior. All of my test results came back normal. For a long time, I wondered what I did wrong to have this happen. Did I eat the wrong thing? Did I take the wrong thing? So many questions with no answers. I only waited about 4 months to get pregnant again. And, throughout the whole pregnancy I worried over everything. If I didn't feel right, I would call the doctor. I was a nervous wreck until I had my son. Nothing anyone said comforted me. The only thing that did help was I had a 2 1/2 year old daughter that I had to care for as well.
You would be surprised at how many women out there have gone through the same thing. It is a horrible experience but you will get through it.

Sening love and hugs your way!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost twins at about that stage. One had died earlier and had put the other one in distress and we didn't know it. It took a very long time to get over it emotionally. I was 42 and it was my last chance to have more kids. We had two little girls and my husband and they had a real hard time putting it behind us. We sought advice from one of the elders in our church and he suggested a funeral. It was just our immediate family, the elder and his family and a couple of close friends in our living room. It was closure for us. I still get twinges and having two little girls that mentioned it fairly often probably lengthened the healing period. I will say, it's more of a bittersweet feeling now than just sadness. All of us cherish the little ones for the time we had them and even though they are not here, we take comfort in the fact that we have Christ..and God doesn't make mistakes.

Talk to your doctor/midwife or whoever about your physical stuff. As soon as you are up to it emotionally you'll know. You're young and can take comfort in the fact that you can continue to try again. It doesn't make this any easier but it does distance you from the pain.

God bless,
M.

We went through this at thanksgiving so I really feel for you. I was 6 1/2 weeks and had an us done because they were not sure of my dates. I think because it took an us to tell me we has lost the preg instead of it happening naturally was even worse. We decided to get preg again quickly mainly because I am older and because I didn't want to lose my nerve to do it. I got preg the following month. I was a total basket case the entire first trimester, refused to tell anyone until I was showing. I had an early scan done this time and I was a nervous wreck and one again at 12 weeks. I didn't feel comfortable until the baby started moving and needed constant reassurance. The chromosomal analysis on the miscarried baby said the baby was normal, my doc said it was one of those things that happen and we would never know the reason. When u start trying again is ultimately up to when u feel comfortable. Get a dr that can give u lots of time in the early months and surround urself with people that will give u lots of encouragement.

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oh, i am so sorry. i didn't have quite your ordeal to cope with, but i had a miscarriage and it was so sad.
of course you want things to go back to normal, but i think it's important to allow yourself the space to mourn. it's not a pleasant process but i do think it's necessary.
my prayers are with you and your husband.
khairete
S.

I am so sorry - my heart goes out to you and your husband. I miscarried with our first and the heartbreak stayed with me for a long time. I did not have a D&C so I can not speak to that recovery time, but for the grief - it did take a long time.
I had also told everyone about the baby so I sent an email out to everyone letting them know what happened. I also asked that they not bring it up with me or talk to me about it - that I was not ready. If I needed them I would bring it up. It made it easier for me to get through the day cause if anyone had said "I am so sorry" I would burst into tears.
We waited a month before trying again. The next month I did get pregnant and ended up having a healthy beautiful baby girl who is now 3 years old. That pregnancy was problem free and she was healthy all along but I was a nut case. All I could think of was losing another baby. I never relaxed and enjoyed the pregnancy, it was all very stressful. While I read all about dealing with the grieving process, nothing had prepared me for how difficult and emotional it would be to try again. To me, that is a lasting effect from the miscarriage - you realize how quietly these beloved little ones can disappear. I don't know how to get past that.
However, having my daughter did finally put my grief to rest. I look at her and I feel like she was the baby I originally lost - she just wanted a May birthday instead of March.
Again, I am so sorry for you and your husband. Know that there are many of us out there who have been in your shoes and come out the other side. That you will find a way to have the children you want. And you will love them with your whole heart knowing how precious they really are.

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you and your husband. I'm sure the pain will never go away 100% but I think over time you will heal. Both my sister in law and best friend had miscarriages around the 12 week mark and they both were really wanting and ready for the pregnancies. I now have a beautiful niece and nephew from my SIL and my best friend has a gorgeous little boy and is 10 weeks pregnant with her 2nd. They both had conceived again within a couple of months of their miscarriage. I wish I had words to help you feel better but hopefully it helped to hear some positive stories. Best of luck to you.

I had a misscarriage than a D&C before my daughter at 12 weeks too.ugh horrible, same question bothered M...I hated everything shifting back into place so air bubbles made you still feel pregnant....what helped M. was deciding that I would be ok with it, because whatever future child I would hae wouldn;t be there if I had had that one..and I knew that if I succeeded in having a baby I would be at peace with the misscarriage, so I waited a few months and then tried and got pregnant the month before I would have been due..and now am happy it happened b/c without that I wouldn't have my daughter now.....idk that what helped M...I wanted to concieve before I would be due to kind of justify it..I got my results back and the baby was healthy that I miscarried..they monitored my hormones and decided i was high risk the 2nd time and needed hormone supplements..it went fine though

I'm so sorry. I have never lost one and cannot comprehend the pain that comes with losing a child.
I had a friend that had tried very hard for a few years to get pregnant. She had a little boy already, but it still took her a while with the second. When she finally did get pregnant with a little girl, she lost her at 7 months. It seemed like such a horrible injustice considering how long it had taken her. I truly wept for her. Luckily, she was able to get pregnant again immediately with another little girl. Your body has a much easier time getting pregnant when it still has a high level of those pregnancy hormones. Though I know that the 'trying again' may take awhile due to the grieving and loss, it is something to be aware of.
In light of something Kristen M. mentioned, I wanted to recommend a book. It's called 'Heaven is for Real' and I hear it's making quite the rounds in the Christian community. In fact, I would recommend you read it regardless of your religious affiliation. It deals, in part, with the miscarriage of a child. Might bring you some comfort.

Oh sweetie! I am so very very sorry for your loss. I have not been in your situation, but just know your family & friends really care, even those who will answer your post.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Big HUGS!

Been there. Give yourself 3 months and then you can "get back in the saddle" so to speak.
Hugs...
LBC