One of the children I care for (since 6 weeks of age) is now 15 months old. She went through a brief period of crying when mom left in the morning after Christmas Break. For a month now she clings to me and reaches for me when I pass her to mom. I feel so bad that this is hurting her mother's feelings. I know mom appreciates the fact that her daughter is well cared for here but I'm sure it doesn't ease the sting of having your child reach for the daycare provider after being apart from her all day. I'd like to know how I should react when this happens? Today I mentioned how my own daughter throws the world's biggest fit when having to return from beloved grandma's house. I can put it in perspective but I'm sure for a first time mom it is devastating and guilt inducing. A few things--mom has been picking her up earlier because she is taking the baby to the Y so she can workout, some of that time the baby is going to the Y daycare. Maybe the child anticipates the transition to another daycare and gets clingy. I don't want to bring this up because this mom is resolved to stick to her fitness goals and I don't want to make her feel guiltier than she already feels about working all day and then having her child in a second daycare. Second, often I'm waking the child up right as mom arrives so she is groggy and cranky--both of us agree she needs her full nap though or the parents just end up having to put her to bed early. Anything I can do to help prevent the child from melting down when mom takes her? Anything helpful I can remind mom of to ease the guilty feelings?
Edit--Thanks so far for the responses! I just feel so awkward and don't want to say the wrong thing to this poor mom who's trying to juggle a full time job that has been dealing with extended working hours due to a longer commute and trying to improve her health. I will check in with her and see if she could call me when she is 10 minutes from my house so I can either wake her so she won't be as crabby immediately transitioning after waking. Its been a struggle getting her to sleep early enough so she can have a long enough nap time in the p.m. since mom really wants her to keep the morning nap thus baby doesn't fall asleep till 2:15/2:30. Other option which could work would be to let her mom go up alone to wake her up instead and when she comes down I'll be occupied with another child-if they are awake. That has backfired a little when she reaches out for me when she sees me pick up my own little envious 2 year old who wants mommy time:) Extending my hours just aren't going to be able to happen --I'm already up right at opening time since mom has to drop off earlier than she did before and my daughter needs to decompress as does my 6 month old pregnant body:) Let you know how it goes!
Told mom we should try having her go up to get her alone and to also let her sit in her favorite booster seat to dress her since this little one is a bear about putting on coats and shoes with me and Mommy alike. Was able to wake the toddler up and let her run around a little and attempt snack before Mom came today since Mom was later than she has been. Told the child that Mommy was coming --lets look for her car--that seemed to build her anticipation without upsetting her. Transition was much more smooth--I'll definitely continue to wake her up early enough that she can wake fully before mom arrives (Mom said she'll try to give me a heads up) or else let Mom do the waking by herself so as not to confuse the child. No --she's not a single mom but she has griped about Dad not wanting to pick the child up even though he gets off early enough to and she is going to the Y every day (sometimes takes the child swimming with her before working out) Wanted to offer to help with longer hours but given Daddy's attitude and that it would be a 5 day week committment, I'm not in a position to cut my family time more. I hope this is a good long term solution and i'll look back to this post if I need other suggestions later down the road. Thanks a bunch for your support and the kind words!
I was thinking the same thing as sue. have the mom go in and get her- and hold another child. sounds like a great idea!
Don't be the one to pick up the child & hand her to Mom.
Don't hold her when Mom arrives. Let Mom pick her up.
Let Mom wake her up! Let Mom be responsible for her care.
Try a cheerleader cheer when Mom arrives.
Have another child in your arms when Mom arrives.
Lots of options! Put Mom in charge! & have you discussed how awkward it makes you feel? Have you asked Mom what she would like you to do to ease the transition? Sounds like conference time to me!
i don't know, but i sure do think you are a wonderful, compassionate daycare provider!
khairete
S.
Is there anything you can do to help the waking process? Wake her earlier? Put her down for a nap earlier?
I would remind the mom that this is a phase and it will pass.
Would it work for your or her schedule to keep the child a little longer so she doesn't put the child in the Y daycare, too? I think in light of the transition and the nap I'd bring it up and see if there's a schedule that would suit all of you, even some of the time.
can you offer to keep her until after mom works out?
i also love sue's ideas. put mom in charge. step back and let her take control as soon as she walks in - especially if baby is still sleeping.
good luck! they are lucky to have you!
I do feel sorry for the mom and its so nice that you want to help, If you could even wake her ten minutes earlier and then when shes awake and dry start talking excitedly about Mommy's coming lets look out the window and look for mommy's car....and I'd ask mom "do you think she's not wanting to go to the Y?" I mean I'd rather think my child doesnt want to go to the next daycare then think she doesnt want me!
I don't have an answer for you. But I sure do wish you had been my daycare provider! You sound compassionate and caring. Your 'kids' and their parents are lucky to have you!
Who knows if a perfect approach exists? But I do know you sound like a really great child care provider and I am sure that caring heart will come thru no matter how you approach this. From working moms every where -- THANKS! = )
Have you offered to keep her while shes at the gym, of course if your hours allow? Otherwise I would change her nap time, 2 seems late anyway, especially to be delivering a half grumpy baby, I wouldnt like that as the mommy. Clinginess, I would keep yourself occupied, perhaps another baby in arms or walking, so shed have no choice but to follow you or go to her mommy.
I would honestly say that if the things continue as they are - a morning nap is no longer working for anyone and without telling Mom - I'd probably just allow the child one long nap before she leaves with Mom.
Seriously - I was a Nanny - and I know all you have to say is that child slept great, ate little/half/all, etc. You do not have to tell her you stopped her morning nap.
I would maybe suggest the mom try and keep her little one on a routine, have you offered to watch her while mom goes and works out? I think you sound like a great caregiver. Maybe try moving the nap up so she has more time to reach wakefulness before she has to transition.
You do sound great and the mom is lucky to have you. I hate to say it but taking the child from one daycare to another is a bit cruel in my opinion. I'm not surprised if the child is clinging to you. Is the mom a single mom? If nt, I'd suggest to her she get up early while everyone else is sleeping and workout then. I've been a full-time working mom for 6.5 years who would love to workout but it means less time with my children so I just don't do much of it. Perhaps she could get a jogging stroller and take her daughter with her to get some exercise. My daughter ONCE got upset when our nanny was leaving for the day. Only once. Usually kids want their mom bc it's just biological I think. If she doesn't, it could hurt their long-term bond. I feel horribly guilty working but have taken some comfort in studies that say it doesn't hurt the children so long as the mother is engaged when she's home from work. Picking her up and dropping her at another daycare isn't really engaged... I'd gently suggest it may be too many transitions and the mom needs to fix that.
Why do you think she feels guilty? My son started daycare at 9 weeks. When he was that age he wanted to stay with me or DH in the morning. He wanted to stay at daycare when we picked him up. Pretty much wherever he was that he was happy, he wanted to stay. Neither DH nor myself felt hurt, bad or guilty. Neither did our daycare provider. If you actually know when the mom is on her way, you could tell the child - 5 more minutes and then when she arrives a 1 minute warning. This may ease the transition. I assume you already do this during the day - before lunch, circle time etc.
