Daycare Provider Drama

Unless this woman leaves, you should probably look for another daycare provider. She could be a relative of the owner and might not be going anywhere.

You need to find another daycare. These people don't just insult children, they insult the parents as well.

Because I want you to have a good phrase--
Depending on your daughter's age, if she is four or under, requiring her to join an activity or be punished is not developmentally appropriate practice, as according to the NAEYC. Threes and fours should have other options during group play/instruction times and should not be forced to join the group.

Your daughter's solution of reading a book quietly--which was not disruptive to the group-- should have been honored. When I was teaching preschool, I did encourage all the kids to come to gathering times, but if I could see that they weren't interested, they were welcome to go over to a cozy corner and look at books or work puzzles/lacing activities/fine motor activity at the table quietly. I was always prepared that kids didn't *always* want to do what I was leading at that moment.

So, my concern would be that the teacher's philosophy was not respectful of my child's age and stage of development, and that rude, harsh treatment and shaming a child are huge red flags that the teacher is not suited to work with this age of child. Her expectations are unreasonable and her temperament does not seem well-suited to the job, which requires much patience and understanding. Had she told your daughter "oh, I see you don't want to play, but you do want to look at your book? That's fine, and let's do that over here.... " gently guiding her out of the way of the game-playing. That would have been respectful and fine.

My guess, overall, is that if the director is being such a flake, time to find another situation for your girl. Sorry. But you can also report the business to your state licensing board or offer feedback on Angie's List or other appropriate venues. Be sure to stick to the facts,though, otherwise you will come off as an angry parent and not much else.

Ok, the attendant spoke rudely to your child... Is that what this is all about?

You don't like the apology, you say you never liked the attendant, I would personally fire the receptionist for spreading gossip.

Do you feel like things have been ok with the program up until now?

It is only 11am where I am located in TX so the weekend is not over yet. You could still get a phone call. The management is probably troubleshooting together to figure out how they are going to deal with you.

You sound very upset and emotional because someone spoke rudely to your child. I understand the frustration and I wouldn't want that to happen every day but this person could have had a bad day and although it was wrong, took it out on a child.

It would be wrong and vindictive of you to go all out to get this person fired. There are a lot of people in the world who will at one time or another speak rudely to someone and we can't take it so personally.

Since this drama has started, I don't see a likely solution where everyone will be on the same page and happy again. Although it might be difficult for your child, I would seek a new day care situation for her so you can start fresh.

In all honesty, I thought your complaint was going to be something like the day care attendant pulled my child's arm or something like that. Not just a rude tone of voice.

Remember when you meet with management and when you seek a new provider... keep your emotions out of it.

I see no need for a letter unless you are just out to get someone fired or reprimanded. Let it go and move on and DO NOT participate in the gossip.

Maybe I'm missing something but it sounds like this was one incident in three years?
Sure, the worker wasn't very nice, and it sounds like she was reprimanded for it. I wouldn't have liked it either, but is it worth moving your child to another place? Who's to say the next place will be any better?
Day care workers "should" be perfect and professional and never lose it and make a mistake, but come on, they are some of the lowest paid people in our working classes, they barely make more than a fast food worker.
I guess I just think your expectations are a little unrealistic.

K., the answer from Nervy Girl has some language in it that would be excellent to include in a letter.

She mentioned your using this: "Requiring her to join an activity or be punished is not developmentally appropriate practice, as according to the NAEYC. Threes and fours should have other options during group play/instruction times and should not be forced to join the group."

I also liked her language: "[My] daughter's solution of reading a book quietly--which was not disruptive to the group-- should have been honored."

"[Our] concern would be that the teacher's philosophy was not respectful of our child's age and stage of development, and that rude, harsh treatment and shaming a child are [indications]...that this teacher's expectations are unreasonable...."

You also can request information about this teacher's level of education and experience in child care prior to being employed there.

And you definitely should mention something along the lines of "When I asked the teacher about this small incident, her reply was that she was 'not sorry.' This level of direct disrespect to a paying customer is not a positive reflection on your business. While we realize that the incident was not a large one, we feel it reflects a larger problem with respect for parents (who pay her salary) and especially a problem with her understanding of child development." Something like that.

Whatever you write, though, I'd be looking elsewhere. You already know that this teacher has been a source of other parent complaints -- and while it may be that there's only one "problem teacher" and your child has had only one bad experience so far, I think that the fact the director keeps this person on the payroll is an indication that the preschool is not putting families -- its paying customers! -- first. By the way is there any chance that the teacher is a personal friend or relative of the owner or director or somehow has an "in" for working there? In some day cares, there's nepotism and other hires that are questionable, especially if the p hire has zero experience....
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Was this a one-time thing or is this a systemic issue?

I would be annoyed at this too. If you have been with this daycare 3 years, surely you have a good feel for the place. Was the teacher just having a bad day and snapped at your child? Not an excuse, but she is human and it happens.

Bottom line is that you did not witness this personally...so very hard to really know the tone of voice and body language used. The grandparent really should have said something immediately to the teacher to let her know that she was out of line.

I agree that the handling of this has been poor, but what would you say in your letter? A teacher was rude to your child one time? Unless you have a lot more data to back that up, I seriously doubt much will be done.

You have expressed your concern about the situation...you have put the daycare on notice so to speak. Yes, you are a paying customer. If you are otherwise happy with the daycare, I would sit back and watch to see if it happens again...

I understand your frustration but you said the supervisor said she would "call you over the weekend" to schedule a meeting 1st thing Monday...the weekend is not over. If she doesn't call you by this evening, I would still plan on being there 1st thing on Monday and having the meeting she promised. If she doesn't have the meeting with you, then go to the next level supervisor.

For whoever you meet with, have a list of talking points (like bullet points to keep you on track for the facts rather than emotions of the situation) ready to keep you focused.

Everyone has off days. Cut her some slack. First issue in three years, i think that's pretty good. Why are you going to disrupt your child's life. What happens if there is an "incident" at a new place, pull your child out again? Think long and hard before you make a switch

You demanded an apology for what was a rude incident and you got one. You simply didn't like it. That should have been the end of it. You don't get to dictate the type of apology you receive. You demanded an apology, she apologized until you demanded a new apology and THEN she said she wasn't sorry. You backed her into a corner. As much as I'm on your side here, I would have retracted my apology too.

YES I'm on your side with the original incident. But the daycare woman is an adult and you don't get to chastise her for not giving an appropriate enough apology because she's not your child. When you demand an apology, you get what you get.

If she's the only person you have an issue with and this is the only incident you've had, please don't get worked up over this. Your child wasn't harmed. Your child will get over far more quickly than you will, and will forgive far more quickly. File a formal complaint and get reassurance that it'll be in her permanent file. If there's another class for your child's age then request a transfer to it. But I see no reason to drop the entire school over one incident and one daycare worker.

If you go through with a complaint and the person is not fired, you better find another place for your child. As someone suggested, the worker may have special relationship with the owner. It's easier to replace a child than it is to hire a new, lowly paid day care worker. Your child will suffer if the worker remains.

Can you just drop it. The issue has been noted.

IMO that is a place of business. Your questions and concerns should have been met immediately. In addition AND most importantly you send your child to a daycare for many reasons I would assume but most importantly for a safe haven. If you don't have that one comfort of knowing that your child is safe then it is time to find a new childcare facility.

after all this drama, i would never feel comfortable taking my young child back to this place. it's almost certain that she will be the target of tensions she doesn't understand.
i'd find a new daycare, and use angie's list or something similar to warn other parents about the issues there.
khairete
S.

If you want to try to salvage the relationship, you should ask the supervisor one more time for a meeting in person. Tell her you will wait for her to get her schedule and don't leave until a meeting is set. If you go to a superior, they will make you work it out with her anyway. If you don't want to salvage the relationship, then start looking for another facility. For me, it would depend on how often stuff like this happens.

Does your child like it there? It may be more traumatic to leave - especially if it was just one incident. Sometimes day care providers aren't trained or skilled in how to deal with grown-ups - they may be better with kids.

I would never take my child there again-apparently she is being "cared" for by people who shouldn't be looking after children.

This is completely unacceptable and demeaning to the child. I would make sure that was in the letter. I would for sure write the letter but I would make sure the facility knew that I was looking for another place to send my child and that this was why it was happening. More important than the apology is that this woman doesn't need to work with children. I would leave and find new childcare because of the lack of concern by the supervisor. I would write the letter to the owner of district manager if it's a chain like la petite of kindercare because other children will be there even when your daughter isn't.