Day Five of Potty Training and No Go

Hi ES,

Until you and your husband can get on the same page about the diapers-- and you really do need to have a talk about this-- just stop for now.

Yes, your daughter is confused. However, I think from your previous questions, this is more about a disconnect between you and your husband. Unless one parent is not present, you can't have just ONE parent doing the potty training. Both parents need to be giving the same message.

So, what are your real options? The only one I can see at this point is to stop the potty training, have dad read a book about potty training with you,and then resume when you are both on board. Personally, having helped potty train many, many children, the diapers and pull-ups are the most confounding 'pieces' of the puzzle. If kids can revert to having the chance to use these, these items will nearly always prolong the process. Have him do some reading on the subject, on his own.

I think she needs to still use the diaper at nap time, she's not potty trained and she has no control over her bladder when she's asleep so why make more laundry for yourself. That's just more work than it is helpful.

Pull ups work like underwear and their purpose it to make the action of pushing and pulling underwear up a habit.

I know mothers who do the three day method and my hats off to them. I potty trained way more than 5 days. I potty trained from the first sign of interest (18-24 months) until 3.5. Interest on their part ebbs and flows. I think your husband is correct on this one. Do your part to encourage her by reading potty training books, buying special panties, setting her on the potty......But let her lead. let her pick it up and regress. For me potty training was often one step forward and two steps back. I think that is really normal. Unless your kids needs potty training for school, or you cannot afford diapers and pull ups, whats the rush?

She might not be ready, but that's hard to tell. I will tell you that when I potty trained my oldest, he was just 2 months shy of 4. It took about 5 days, I think. The first two days we celebrated every time he peed (no matter where he was when he peed).

I just wanted to add that nighttime is entirely different from daytime, and you should definitely still have her wear a diaper or a pullup at night. If you think it's confusing her, just tell her that this is for sleep-time, only. During the day, we where underwear.

Hang in there. If she's not ready, that's ok. She's not too old, and she really will figure this out.

She may not be ready, or she may just be so used to the feel of the diaper she doesn't quite know how to let go without it. You might help set up a transitional step or three by cutting a hole in the diaper, putting it on, and asking her to sit on the potty while she pees. Make it seem like a new game, keeping feelings light and happy.

Success? Congratulate her quietly – if parents get too excited, that can make the success seem like it was for mommy, not herself. Not this time? No problem, you can try again next time. After a few times of cutting out bigger holes, she'll be more used to the cool air hitting her, and she'll probably be able to focus better on letting go.

Here's a really useful website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html

Good luck!