Hello Moms -
My 17-month-old daughter's part-time nanny is resigning, in part because she is not used to taking care of a strong-willed toddler. We would like to find someone who knows how to be respectful to my child, but who understands that the adult ultimately sets the rules and that sometimes, a toddler will cry and rebell, but that it is up to the adult to make the decisions.
It took me weeks and weeks to find this nanny, and I'm not sure whether it is worth it to search for another part-time care taker. Instead, I was wondering whether it makes sense to enroll her in part-time daycare - whether the daycare's set schedule and the fact that the care takers aren't devoting all their attention to her would actually benefit her, versus having a one-on-one where it is easier for the nanny (or me, for that matter) to give in to her whims. She would only be there three mornings a week, so she would still have a lot of one-on-one mommy-time.
Anyone dealt with this before? Did daycare help your toddler's behavior, or enflame it?
Thanks for your insights - also, no need to mention the cost difference. We already know it will be more expensive to have her in the day care than with the nanny, but are willing to take that on if necessary.
ETA - based on the first response, which made an excellent point, I just wanted to note that the daycare would be three days in a row.
It would be an odd child care situation where they took part time kids. Most only take kids by the week. The kids not there on the absent days would be a hole in their income.
I'd say the child care facility would be an excellent choice.
I was a nanny (and for a few very strong-willed kids) as well as a toddler group lead and while I often think having the nanny option is great for toddlers, in this case, daycare may be more suitable.
Why? Because at daycare, it's the same rules for everyone. The inclusion of other children make the child less intense because: A. there are usually two caregivers to each group and B. there are other kids to focus on as well.
Another advantage of a daycare situation is that *routine is king* at the child development centers I worked for. (And when I say 'daycare', I am suggesting a CDC with at least two teachers per group at this age.) The transitions toddlers often balk at while at home are just a routine part of the day at daycare. "It's time to..." and everyone does it. With my more stubborn toddlers, I would just offer "you may sit in this chair until you are ready to (get diaper changed/go potty/wash your hands/etc.)." Requests like this become a fact of life. This is a good thing for a child to learn. I'm sorry your nanny wasn't able to 'be the adult' and I'm heartened that you realized this was a problem. Some parents have it the other way around, and that ends up being far more problematic later on. :)
A careing daycare setting is what we chose for our strong willed DS. We started him at 15 months. we opted for 3 full days over 3 half days. The daycare prudently recommended half days are fine for an easy going child. They get the socialization, learn to play and interact, get some routines etc. A strong willed child might throw a tantrum, and not get through their tantrum in the space of a morning or afternoon, so they don't get a chance to get acclimated to or embrace the new sherrif in town.
It might prove harder for all at first, but we thought it was well worth it for us.
Best,
F. B.
I honestly think if you're going to do any sort of care, it should be consistent. So if she's in daycare Monday, Wednesday and Friday, you've introduced a very inconsistent schedule into her life. Whatever you do with your strong willed little lady, go for the most consistency or you're going to have major meltdowns. Part time is never going to be easy on her. If that means that you still bring her to daycare (or whatever) on Tuesdays and Thursdays, that might be just what it takes to ensure she has a more consistent and predictable environment and can deal with it better.
We had much better luck with a daycare center situation vs. nanny or in-home care for our strong-willed daughter. In fact, I was worried about her being treated harshly by the in-home caregiver, since she is hard to handle and the caregiver was on her own with several kids. I was happy to find a better fit at a daycare center. My daughter was only there 1-2 days a week, but she loved it and didn't challenge them. I don't know if it's because there were more kids her age or if she liked the personality of the teachers better, but it worked for us.
I think that daycare would be better. She can see how other kids act. At home, she wants to control the sitter. At daycare, she won't be able to do that. She will have a lot of structure, and that's exactly what a strong-willed child needs.
I third the daycare idea. Plus, I think nannies are awesome for young ones, but you may want to introduce a more social environment in the next year or so, so you could consider a daycare with a strong preschool program. It might be that she will feel a little peer pressure and go with the flow a little easier when she sees it modeled by other kids.
I think your daughter might respond well to the structure a daycare would provide. Also, you might find that daycare is actually cheaper.
If she quit because of a baby she doesn't deserve to take care of children. Find someone that loves children and understands them, especially yours. See if there is a Waldorf school around you and see if they can recommend someone. A child deserves a loving home and care giver. Remember whoever takes care of her will be raising her. Of course that's not completely true but yet there is much to it. Babies/children become saturated with their environment, the people, mama, comes first and foremost or whoever is taking the role of mama. Give her what she needs and deserves.
a great nanny is beyond pearls. it can be hard to find just the right one, i guess. i have to question just how 'strong-willed' your toddler is to run off a professional at only 17 months old!
probably the daycare would be good for your daughter, but she's still very young. if it doesn't work out, a good calm (maybe older) nanny who has experience in being loving but firm would probably be worth the search.
khairete
S.
for a newborn or young baby at home with the nanny is best.. too many germs in day care .. and the child doesn't benefit from the daycare learning experience..
now that she is 17 monhts... day care is better..
my son started at 22 months and after an initial adjustment period he did great.. it was a good experience for him..
some kids at 17 or so months are bored with staying home.. and if nanny isn't allowed to take them places.. then it is boring at home.. and they get onery.. day care is more fun..kids to play with..
and no a day care provider will not cater to her every whim .. as soon as they start "school" they have to learn there are rules.. and rules are for everyone.. might as well learn now..
