Daughters New Facination with Her Genitals

Okay, this is to no offense to the way that certain people parent their children..but I strongly disagree with the response you received to tell her that it is nasty and only nasty people do this!! You do not want your dd to grow up thinking that her body is nasty, or in the future that sex is nasty!! (although her being your dd, that might be tempting, haha). I know that my parents went that route with me, (I don't recall having the "obsession" that your dd has), but I have had problems with enjoying sex, all of my adult life. I sometimes feel "dirty", even with my husband. And I truly believe that it's because of the way that I was raised, with my parents continually telling me that sex was dirty. It was imprinted in my mind at an early age, and has continued to cause problems in my marriage. I know that it's tough to deal wit h your dd's behavior, and probably somewhat embarrassing that you know that she's doing this in public, with other children. But, I think that curiosity is normal. When they are young, and they first figure out that boys and girls are different, they are naturally going to try to figure out the differences. I think that you are doing the right thing! All that you can do is to constantly reinforce, that we DO NOT TOUCH OTHER PPL IN THOSE PLACES! And, we do not let other people touch us! If you are raising your dd with Christian values, you may want to go the route of telling her that behavior is not pleasing to God. That's how I've done with my son. He likes to do things that "make God smile". He has a problem with saying that girls are HOT, and I'm trying to reinforce that these girls are his sisters in Christ, not something to be looked at as just HOT, but of course, boys will be boys. Anyway, my point is, I WOULD NOT tell her that her behavior is nasty, or that only nasty people do this!!! You want her to grow up with a healthy view of her own body and of sex, not to grow up thinking that it's "nasty". I hope this helps, I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I'd be more than happy to talk to you more about this if you'd like! If you want to talk, send me a message, and I'll give you my email address. Good luck with this, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

This is a perfectly natural curiosity that peaks at age 3-5. I am a psychology major with a specialization in child development and the first thing I want to say is don't punish her or tell her it is nasty or gross. Reacting negatively to this can lead to major sexual disfunction and self esteem issues later in life. The best thing to do is explain to her the truth on a level she understands. Tell her that you know it feels good but that it should be a private thing and if she wants to touch herself it should be done at home in private in her room and by herself. There are some good books that explain the difference between boys and girls too if you feel you need to go into that. Try the book It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie Harris.

E., don't worry first off, this does not make you a bad mother by any means!! All children and I do mean ALL children do some kind of experiment! I have always been completely honest with all of my children from day one pretty much about where babies come from and about the difference between boys and girls and that it is very wrong and agaisn't the law for anyone other then....Dr's, Mama, Daddy etc...to every touch them and explain when it is ok for them to be touched and why...but also tell her that it is ok for her to touch herself but not when anyone else is ever around! Please don't make her afraid to touch herself and I am not talking about masturbation, I'm just talking about washing cleaning and yes looking at what she has! Everyone is curious at that age and younger but if you don't make her understand now then it could get worse before it gets better! I just always talked to mine so open when they were really young and about the differences in boys and girls and that God made them the way they are so they can grow up and get married and have babies!! Try going to the library and checking to see if there are any books that might help! Just try talking to her like a big girl and tell her also that if she keeps this up at school that they are not going to let her come back!! I wish I could help you more, I have 3 girls and 2 boys and like I said they are all curious at one time or another but you just have to be very open and honest with her! Good Luck..................D.

E.,

My daughter is only 5-months-old, so I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I'm sure my day will come! ;) I do know from having friends with older girls that it's normal for girls to be just as obsessed with their private areas as little boys are.

I even talked to my doctor about this in passing at an appointment one day. He said that little boys' parents just laugh about it and think it's normal for them to "discover" themselves, touch it and play with it. But, he said little girls' parents just freak when they do the same.

So, from what I know (from many discussions with friends about their daughters ... I'm preparing for my own to go through these same things), it's normal for her to discover her privates and even do things that we as adults deem as "wrong" because she doesn't know to differentiate.

I know it's very frustrating to you ... I find myself getting frustrated a lot lately with my two-year-old son who does things all the time that I don't understand! ;) But, please know that your daughter is not unusual in her exploration.

I wish I had some better "advise" in terms of helping the situation. All I have to offer is the fact that I know many, many other little girls her age that have done similar things and that I've been told (by parents and medical professionals alike) that it's all just part of discovering their bodies!

Best wishes to you!

H.

I too have a 4 year old who has lately become obsessed with her bottom. I too am at my widths end with this. She is not in any way, form, or fashion exposed to anything remotely along those lines. I too spoke to her teacher and was told that all children this age go through this. That didn't make me feel better at all! I've discussed this with my daughter in regards to the fact that we don't do that, it's not nice, etc...didn't work!

This may not be the best approach, but I didn't know what else to do...I have a 5 month old which requires diaper cream at any given time. My daughter loves to help me take care of little brother, so I took it upon myself to explain to her that we used diaper cream on his bottom b/c it was sore. I went on to tell her that if she didn't stop touching her bottom that it would make it sore and Mommy would have to put medicine on it. At this point, she went on to say that it would make it bleed and it would burn so she said she would not do it anymore. Now, at any given moment, she will remind me that we don't touch our bottoms b/c it will make it sore and that we can only wipe our bottoms when we go to the bathroom to make sure it stays clean.

I'm sorry to go on and on...BUT like I said this probably wasn't the best way to handle it, but I didn't know what else to do. I tried every approach that I could think of and this one is the only one that has worked thus far...Good luck and I hope this helps!

E.,

I have a 3 year old daughter that is obsessed as well. It doesn't matter how many time I have told her to quit I still find her sitting around touching herself. Try explaining how nasty it is and that only nasty people do that. See if that works. I tell my daughter nasty, shoo, don't do that. She quits for the moment. Be consistant and Good luck.

we had a similar problem with my nieces (4&5). it turned out that at playtime outside at the daycare one of the boys was basicly holding my niece hostage in the playhouse where nobody could see and making her touch him and touching her. in turn when she was at her cousins house the you touch me i'll touch you thing started and my niece told her mom (my SIL) and i they were finally able to figure out what had happened and i think they took the girls to see a counciler. anyway my point is try to find out if at some time when shes not with you (like at daycare) that somehting like that is happening b/c you'll have to get to the root of where it started to be able to stop it

ETA: if she were simply touching herself in the privacy of her own room it would be totally different and not a big deal. i think its completely normal for them to be currious about their own body and thats fine but you dont want them touching other kids