Daughter with High Anxiety???

Going to therapy helps her work on it....through a licensed therapist who know how to helps. You never have to agree to meds and therapists cannot even prescribe medication. (a psychologist can).

I think she does need help and is she is in agreement, get her into therapy. If that does not work, then you can consider meds.

And don't think you have t stay with the first therapist.....keep meeting ones until you click with one.

My daughter went to therapy for anxiety when she was 12 and it did wonders for her! Medications were never even brought up during her sessions. Anxiety is very common in kids and teens, but it can be treated without meds (except in the most extreme cases) that's what therapists DO, help kids work through their issues and learn how to manage their feelings in a healthy way. Please consider it.
Oh, and my daughter never felt "crazy" because she went to see Dr. P once a week, she really looked forward to it. And of course I explained beforehand how this was a doctor who helps you with your feelings and emotions, just like a pediatrician helps you with viruses and broken bones.

I was like that starting at her age. Horrible, horrible, horrible, School was this constant nightmare battle. I loved it, but I hated it.

I'd skip the meds but do some research into how to help her...books on perfectionist children, high anxiety levels, etc. I'd also start discussing with her why grades aren't that important, etc. That happiness and following your passions, etc. are more important. I wish I could remember the book, but I read this great book by a Professor a few years ago about why A's aren't important, and why letting your kids get bad grades might work out better in the long run. It was a great book, about following your passion, not silly meaningless symbols that don't actually predict future success.....

If you are unable to help her figure out how to handle her anxiety, then I'd take her to a therapist. I would avoid all medicine and all talk of there being something wrong with her. I'd make it more about learning how to handle big emotions in a more effective way.

Your daughter sounds just like my youngest daughter who went through the exact same thing in jr high. It's a combination of the new expectations of jr high, hormones, class mate pressures, and their own personalities as they try to move from childhood to being young adults. I was kind of anti therapist however that's the route we ended up taking. No drugs involved just talking about methods of coping with stress and anxiety. Over the years she's seen a couple different therapists when she hits rocky areas but overall it's been very helpful for her.

So I'd suggest contacting someone who deals in childhood issues and see how it goes. Make it known that you want to avoid medication and would like to concentrate on giving your daughter coping skills.

Therapy should be the last resort, as she is so tightly wound, she may refuse therapy all together and think that you may think she's crazy. Talk to her. Take time at her bedtime, to crawl into bed with her and discuss the day. Acknowledge that JHS is rough and it's not going to get any easier. Discuss what she finds difficult, discuss ways which can help her cope. Let her unwind and tell you how hard she's finding JHS. Ask her why she gets so sick, what is she feeling at the time? Try to get to the bottom of it. Make her bedtime, your time with her. Does she have any outlets? A sport, after school clubs, a diversion...dance class, gymnastics? Does she have friends? After a few nights of mom/daughter chats, perhaps you will have a better handle on what she may truly need. As for the meds, there are many pros and cons and you can discuss that with her therapist, should it come to that. You are also in charge and if it should come to meds, you put her on and watch and take her off if the side effects are more of a con than they are a pro. I experienced this with my youngest and siezure meds. After about 6 mos of meds, Dr., daughter and me, opted for no meds. In my daughters case, the cons outweighed the pros immensly and her condition did not truly require daily meds, as it was hormonal and she would seize 1 to 2 times a year. You are in charge. Start with talking and unwinding first. Good Luck!

I'd talk with the school counselor and ask for suggestions.

I also agree that professional counseling might help. Counselors do not prescribe medications. One has to be specially certified to do that.

You can seek help from a therapist/counselor without having to resort to meds. In fact, I urge you to seek help for her. This sounds like what I went through my entire life. I never got help until well into my twenties and it makes all the difference.

She sounds like a bit of a perfectionist, with extremely high standards and a tendency to be too hard on herself. She probably does have anxiety. However, I've known plenty of kids who make sure they get straight A's in honors classes, but they are not necessarily anxiety-ridden or falling apart because of it, so it's possible to aim for an A without making yourself crazy.

Your daughter has a certain personality type, which will be hard to change, but maybe have her talk to a counselor who can somehow teach her to keep her high-achieving goals but minimize the anxiety related to it.

We went through a study on anxiety and children where the therapist teaches methods to the kids on how to identify and overcome anxiety. There were a lot of deep breathing exercises and things to help them stop the thoughts. It helped while we were doing it, but my 8 yo really went overboard with anxiety recently and I took her to a therapist. She just started, but the goal is to work with her without meds, and only start them if they are really needed. I would find a therapist that can help her.

I had a similar personality at that age- super over-achieving, 100 wasn't good enough when 101 was possible. In retrospect, I could have greatly benefited from some help developing coping skills. It was really hard to develop them on my own. The first one, that "got me through" from 8th-12th grade was an eating disorder. I could control what I ate, so I did. It made me feel in control of everything else. Not good. She is clearly very bright- just find someone that can give her the tools to channel that energy.

Junior high is so tough. Being a person is so tough nowdays. You don't always need meds, but if they are available and someone is diagnosed to be able to use them then I have (after years of fighting this issue) I think meds are actually a useful tool. My son now uses them and I think that could have helped but you can't go back. I am somewhat weepy, but why can we not cry anymore? why is the world so against it? Continue to let her know that it is not horrible to have 'B instead of A and let her know that if she just does her daily work it isn't out of control and life can be fine. I don't know where you heard meds should be a solution, she sounds like she needs validation that yes it is tough, but she is going to get through it. of course if it is horrible then go for therapy. But in the meantime, talk talk and talk to her and that is a wonderful help going into the world at that age.

Sometimes it's hard to distinguish anxiety from OCD from the outside (because she may not be telling you all of the rituals, etc.-- it can actually become part of the OCD not to tell anyone certain things... so complicated!!)

I would suggest looking at it with a holistic practitioner, for the element of physical along with psychological. My daughter, for example, has been diagnosed with PANDAS/PANS and successfully treated. (Her OCD was caused by a strep infection that did not present as a sore throat!)

I'm happy to talk more via message, if you like.

M.

Take her to a therapist...they can help without meds, just make sure they know up front that you are not interested in even hearing about medications until they have worked with you and your daughter for 6 months (or whatever time frame you think is acceptable) At some point, though, medication may be her best option and you may need to come to terms with that. Best wishes!