Daughter Wants Tongue Pierced

NO NO NO NO!!! I can't believe that you are honestly considering this! You are the parent, and there are SO many reasons why she should not get her tongue pierced--can easily get infected, it's slutty (sorry, had to say it), it's extremely painful, and it's just gross. I would tell her that the answer is no and if she asks again there will be a consequence (take away something she really loves/needs, like her cell phone or car).

I would suggest that you have her wait. I begged and begged my parents when i was 16 to have my tongue pierced, and they let me. I really regret that i did. I played with it in my mouth too much and chipped my front teeth :( the dentist cannot fix it unless the teeth get totally recapped. I ended up taking the ring out a few months after getting it because of my teeth. you only get one set of teeth.

I would stick with the original answer of "no." When you are 18 and out of my house then you can do it. Is she aware of all the care that has to be put into one so her tongue does not get infected? Does she realize that so many people break their teeth with those big balls? Plus, in my opinion, in makes girls look like a hooch.

NO do not let her! She thinks it looks cool and maybe some of her friends have one but do you know the reason people get it is sexual? Its used during oral sex...is that the messege you want your 16 year old daughter giving off?

Tongue piercing is for oral sex. Really. So. I guess you have to think about it.

Added:
It may not be "solely" for sex. But that is the perception. MOST people out in the world (i.e. employers, teachers, men) think that when they see a tongue piercing. Honestly, my HONEST opinion, is that it looks trashy. Especially on a teenager. Sure, it's not as permanent as a face tattoo, but it still looks really bad.
I'd go for the navel piercing before a tongue ring.

Ugh! At my son's dentist he has pictures up of various people that have tongue rings and the damage they have done to mouths, gums, and teeth. It's not pretty mama. Also, I have a girlfriend that got hers pierced and her tongue swole up so bad she had to go to the ER...now she can not taste any of her food!
Everyone knows, although they may not admit, that the whole reason this tongue piercing thing has even taken flight here in the US is because it's supposed to make oral sex better (I wouldn't know, I think it's just fine the way it is). Your daughter may say she doesn't have a CLUE as to what you are talking about, but she does!
I would stick with the NO....when she is out of your house she can hussy herself up however she sees fit....Tattoos, tongue rings, belly piercings, booty shorts, you name it. But, she is a kid still and needs to act, and look like one.

Personally, I don't think I could approve of such a thing. Tongue piercing tends to imply something, though I know of people that will tell you it has nothing to do with <that>. Doesn't matter-- first impressions! If someone has no clue about the kind of person you are and happens to notice it, there is no telling what kind of assumption they are going to make. Now I know people make all kind of assumptions about us every day based on our clothes, our makeup, etc... but I believe a tongue piercing makes a strong sexual statement, and is that what your daughter wants people to assume about her? Applying for a job? College?
Now at least she is asking for your permission, but oh goodness... do any of her friends have one? Who exactly thinks it's "cool"? And why? Dig down into the meat of the matter-- you might be surprised to find out some other interesting tidbits and insight. And you may force her into "reasoning away" the desire for the piercing-- if you can get her to verbalize that she only wants one because <Mary> has one, and <Josh and Mary" think it's cool, well is that really a good reason to do anything? What will SHE GAIN from getting it? Popularity? A bad reputation?

Well, as to Valerie's comment: I guess to each their own.

I think it's neither slutty, nor gross. I have many friends with tongue piercings, when you don't know them you can't even tell. It's the young girls who tend to play with and display them a lot... but if you don't choose to, you can't tell unless someone yawns in your face.

I have had one myself for 10 years or so. I got tired of it a few years ago and took it out. It healed over without a problem and not even my dentist has noticed that I ever had one.

You know you daughter best... as far as piercings go, tongue is one of the most uncomplicated ones. It is generally healed over within a couple of weeks. She should rinse with an antimicrobial mouthwash for that time.
The tongue will swell initially and for a day or two she will only be able to eat liquid food.
Other than belly or ear piercings, there will be no obvious visible scars, if she ever removes it.

There are risks. Infections and lacerations can occur (when the piercing gets stuck on something). There can be dental problems (broken teeth from accidentally biting on it, damage to the enamel if the piercing is placed to far toward the tip of the tongue and keeps banging against the front teeth.

I had it done as an adult and personally I think 16 is a bit young... but you know her best...
Good luck.

NO. Even though a lot of the "piercings" and "tats" have become more accepted... it still reflects on the person "wearing" them and there are opinions that will be formed about your daughter based on her appearance. I am not referring to "cool" or "moneyed" or anything like that. I mean more like "professional" or "rebellious" etc.. that may very well affect her in the job market or college admissions interviews. Right or wrong, people will form opinions based on what they see.

Not to mention the potential for infection and dental damage. Yes, I said dental DAMAGE. Talk to your dentist about what can happen... It is my understanding that tongue piercing can cause damage to the enamel on the backs of teeth from banging them. And can chip the teeth as well. Is she prepared to pay the potential costs of damage to her teeth? Are you?

Just something to consider.

As long as she is under your roof and you are responsible for her health and well-being, you can tell her "no".

As someone who has been through the entire peircing / tattoo ordeal with my own mother, I suggest you sit with her and look through the pros and cons. There are plenty of websites that show good clean tongue studs, as well as what can happen if you do not take care of it. You can also ask around about some cleaner shops. Take a poll of people when you see them with peircings asking them where they got it done and if it is a nice place or should you go somewhere else. After you have asked a group of people, most likely you will have one clear vision of the cleanest place, since people usually rave about them.
Another thing to keep in mind is to discuss with her the reasoning for the peircing. Tongue peircing has sexual roots, and is linked to pleasurable oral sex. Question her regarding her motives. If she purely wants it as a fashion item, then I say go ahead and let her, take her yourself, make it a bonding thing. She will see that you are not unreasonable, and when the time comes for you to put your foot down on a subject, you can always remind her that you were cool enough to let her peirce her tongue, but she should listen to you on that subject.
Also remember that this will not prevent her from getting jobs, getting into college, or anything else...as peircing are completely removable, and there is very minimal scarring on the tongue once the ring is out. ( I took mine out 9 years ago, and even a month after I took it out you couldn't tell I had ever done it.)
I have since grown up a bit, realized that peircings are silly, but that never stopped me from being myself when I was younger, and expressing myself with a tongue ring and an eyebrow ring. I also have tattoos, which my mother wouldn't budge on, but I got them after I turned 18 and they are in places noone can see them when I am clothed.
GOOD LUCK....I have a 14 year old who is looking forward to turning 16 so she can get a belly ring....I know the feeling!

Go for it! It's a very small thing when you think about it in the area of teenage "rebellion" and striving to be different. MANY MANY piercings have NOTHING to do with anything sexual! Tongue studs can be used for oral sexual pleasure, but that's not the whole reason they exist. Some people like piercings the way others like tattoos or constantly playing with their hair styles. Plus -unlike a tattoo -the tongue piercing can be taken out and done away with if and when she tires of it. Pick your battles mom! If I had a teenage daughter, I would save my battles for more serious issues! If either of my sons ever wants a piercing, I'll let them do it.

In my house this is how it would go.

Daughter: "Can I get my tongue pierced"?
Mom: "WHAT? NO! AND DONT YOU EVER ASK AGAIN, AND DONT TRY DOING IT BEHIND MY BACK. GOT IT"!

This is what I would say. WHY ~ BECAUSE I'M THE MOMMY AND I SAID SO!
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This is your daughter, and your house - you do what you think is best.

omgosh ... well when I was 16 I got my tounge pierced behind my moms back she made me take it out .. I got it re done 3 times after that and she was soooo mad each time .. When I turned 19 I made a choice to take it out because I thought it looked trashy. If you let her get it done I believe that by the time it really matters like when she is out of college and getting a real job she will have out grown it :) and there's a plus you get to be the "cool mom" when you let her do it .. although you already know it's just a phase ha ha ;)

Bottom line is whether it is true or a completely false stereotype, any time I have been around someone with a tongue piercing from college on up to adulthood, once that person walks away from the group someone around me inevitably will say something about that person and oral sex.

Do you have the kind of relationship with your daughter where you could tell her that people will think this about her when they see it? It doesn't make it true and we can all say it's terrible for someone to judge a person based on something like this but it will happen. If she's ok with it and you don't have a problem with her getting the piercing then go for it.

Good luck,
K.

As a speech teacher, I can tell you that this will make it harder for her to pronounce words clearly and correctly, which may hamper her in school and in her future career. Many interviewers will pass on qualified candidates because of additional piercings, even ones you think they don't see. The ball jewels have also been known to chip enamel and weaken teeth, because you can't help but hitting your teeth with it while talking, chewing, laughing, etc.
Good Luck,
K.

I didn't read other answers, but I would say NO don't let her. You're her "PARENT/GUARDIAN" for a reason, because you have better thought and reasoning than she does.

I did see one poster say that it's supposed to be better for oral sex, yet when I got mine done when I was in college, that was not the reason for it. I had just broken up with the "love of my life" and wanted to do something rebellious and crazy. For a 16 yr old, she probably wants to be cool or have guys like her and think it's for the oral sex thing.

But there ARE problems with it. One - if the person piercing it doesn't know what they're doing, they can hit a vein and you can bleed real bad or go numb for the rest of your life on parts of your face/tounge (this is what I hear). I've heard of teeth getting knocked out.

I never had problems, but that's not to say that tongue piercings don't cause problems. IF she gets it done, my recommendation would be to drink plenty of ice water the hours after getting it done. It will keep the swelling down. They pierce it with a 1" (maybe longer?) barbell, which was LONG for my mouth. I had a hard time eating and swallowing for the week or two that I had to leave that barbell in. They do a long barbell to compensate for swelling, so no way really to get around that.

My mother took me to get my belly button pierced when I was 15 ( I'm 32 now) and I got my tongue pierced when I was 18. Guess it was "slutty" as some view it.

As I got older my interest for it decreased f and I took them out.
It can cause dental damage. Also it can rip, I ripped mine but it wasn't too bad.

Most jobs will require you to take it out, or use a flesh colored ball.

Would I let my 16 year old get it, I guess it depends on them and if I thought they were mature enough and making a decision based on their choice and not to just follow along.

Have you discussed this issue with your dentist? Is there any physical or dental risk? What type of message is this giving to others? Once she leaves your home that is up to her. Until then it is up to you!

Its really up to you. My mom let me get a belly button ring at 16 , but all my other ones came after 18. I got my lip, tongue, and nose done after. I still have a tongue ring in and wear a clear bar. No one even knows I have it. I have not had tooth damage because I dont clank the bar against my teeth and bite on it like most people. Its like its not even there. And let me say this, I did not get it for oral sex. I got it simply because I adore piercings. However I will say I let my lip ring close up because I could not keep it while working and I hated re-piercing it all the time. I rarely wear my nose ring although the hole is still there, and will probably remove the tongue ring now that I am having a baby and don't want her to want one simply because I have one. I think, how would I explain to her what that is? hehe. As much as I love piercings, I do believe theres a time and place for them. Good luck !

She's 16, a minor, still obligated to live by your rules because she lives at home. I say no, not because I agree that tongue piercings are trashy, or painful, or make some people who have them talk funny. She's a child and if she wants it bad enough, then she should be made to understand that as her parent, you are in charge of her until she's old enough to be in charge of herself. When she's 18 if she still wants it, it will be her choice, her dollar to pay for it, and her pain to endure for a poor choice made if it doesn't go well. And if she finds a way to do it without your consent, I would warn her right now that the liability against the person who authorizes it without your permission could face criminal charges. Scare her so she doesn't go that route. Kids think they can do whatever they want but they need to understand that a parent's answer is final. Period.

I guess your decision needs to be based on how important you think it is for her to not have one. You need to know what your reasons are, define your values and your rules, then see if the piercing fits in with all of that or not. I like that you're trying to be reasonable.

It's reasonable to tell her that you won't have a problem with it once she's 18. She'll probably still want it. But since you are responsible for her right now, you're responsible for medical bills if anything goes wrong. You are legally responsible for her safety and in the same way a nose job is invasive and dangerous because of the potential of infection, so is a piercing. It's an adornment, but it is surgical.

Personally, I might let my 16 yo do it, if I know beyond a doubt that it is not a sexual thing (how can you really know?) I guess the other side of that coin is that guys who think it is a sexual thing will have their eyes on her and she'll get more sexual attention and pressure.

I come from and extremely conservative family BUT they let me dye my hair funky colors and I pierced my nose myself when I was 17. This was before everyone had their noses pierced and I got kicked out of school. I was a great student, though, so I had to take responsiblity for that, go to saturday school, etc. I researched supreme court cases regarding freedom of expression at the high school level. I made an apt. with the superintendant of schools and presented a well formulated case, as if I was arguing in front of the supreme court. He respected me for it and I was let back in school, but I had to wear something over the ring. It all started some good thinking conversations with my friends and teachers. It was a really good education, frankly. I say that from a mom's perspective now, not from my perspective then.

I was not allowed to date, drink, spend a lot of time on the phone, etc. but I could find outlets for some of the other teen stuff. I never got tattoos or anything and my nose ring was out as soon as I started student teaching a few years later. I have not worn it in 15 years. I don't regret it for a second.

I think that being OK with some of that superficial appearance stuff lets your kids know that you're a reasonable person and when you do say no to something it is really for their best interest.

I still think it is fine to say no, though. It's all about your family's values.

This is where you pick your battles.

Unlike Valerie, I do NOT think it is slutty. Gees.

There are risks involved as far as infection and some closed minded "perfect" people will judge her. I know some very nice people with multiple piercings.

I allowed my daughter to ger her belly pierced in Dec. It could have been much worse....

The school does have a rule of no piercings except ears. She sticks a bandaid on it when she is at cheer. The cheer coach has one as well. You know your daughter.... My daughter is bright, all honors classes, orchestra and cheer......... the belly ring is something she chose to do and I allowed it.

I got a tattoo at 40 and I know some people judge me for that but you know what....it is my body and no one else is paying my mortgage so I do what I feel like doing.

I just made sure daughter was aware of all risks and how some people would judge her before she made her decision.

I read through the first 15 or so responses, and didn't see this mentioned. Tongue piercings are to give the partner more sensation during ORAL SEX!! Hello, Mom!

I'd probably let her do it I had mine done and when I got it done it was not for sexual reasons. I would rather my daughter come to me at 16 asking for a tongue piercing than a belly button one. I had hell with my belly button one and now have this horrible scar because my dogs nail got in the loop and jerked it. The only thing I can think of that is bad is it tends to become a habit playing with it so if that gets on your nerves just let her know that if it bugs you that she has to take it out and its her money that was wasted. She may have paid for it but you approved it and have the right at any time to disaprove and have it removed. Plus the tongue piercing is the quickest to close up. And make she realizes that she will have to buy a shorter piece of jewelry when the swelling goes down or she will be more likely to bite down on the post which hurts like hell and can crack teeth.

In regard to preparing her for adulthood, self-sufficiency, getting a job, etc... I always find that people with pierced tongues talk with a lisp--which doesn't make the best impression and could impact her job prospects.

Unfortunately, I suspect that once she turns 18, she will get it done... unless you can do the research with her and dissuade her logically, it may be inevitable that she will do it.

This is a tough one Momma because depending on how rebillious your daughter is even though you tell her NO she might go out and get it done anyways or god forbid do it herself which would put her more at risk. If you told her she could then at least you could help her find someone reputable enough to do it.
That being said I would suggest you both do some research on it just as anything else. This is no different than her coming and asking you for a boob job. She has to be confident within herself for who she is and what she looks like. Why is she wanting this done? Is it because EVERYONE else has one? Or what is the obsession about?
My mother is an MA has been for many many years and she has seen enough stuff to make some people's heads roll. She told me that when a patient comes in to see the doctor and he finds that they have any body peircing's or tattoos he automatically works them up for a hepatitis test. I don't agree with the other posters in the fact of tongue peircings being for "oral sex". YES, that might be where it came from but that is not the sole reason people go out to get that done necessarily. You know your daughters values more than anyone else here she might just simply want it done because she is at that age for self-expression and wants to be able to express herself in a different way.
What about if you tried to distract her in another form such as something not as noticable like a belly button ring? I had one when I turned 18 but shortly had to remove it because it continued to get infected but I will admit I didn't take care of it like I should have. I mean there are still risk involved for that as well but a belly button wouldn't be as noticeable as say a tongue ring gone bad. Maybe she can get a very small tattoo in an unnoticeable area?? I don't know what I would do in your situation...I have twin daughters myself but luckily they are 7 so I still have a few more years hopefully. I would hate for you to tell her no and then her go behind your back and do it anyways because she may not go somewhere where they know what the heck they are doing or worse yet if she decided to try it herself. I think some good ole research and a heart to heart needs to come first before you make that decision. Good luck momma-I dread these days for my daughters argghhhh!

Ah....I'm putting myself in your shoes right now. My daughter turns 10 in a few months and I know 16 is fast approaching as well! I grew up in the time when it seemed like everyone was getting something pierced. Plugs in the ears, tongues, nipples, belly buttons, personal body parts!! And some thought it cool to run a chain from one end to the other! lol I never understood the whole thing myself even though I did get my belly button done but I was over the age of 18 and living on my own when I did it.

A tongue piercing takes a LOT of care!! The mouth is the dirtiest place on the body as bacteria love to live in the dark, moist and warm area. Then add a gaping hole in the center of your tongue!! There are many other risks involved like if it is put back too far (so it can't be seen as easily) you can end up with nerve damage, chipped back teeth from eating, chipped front teeth if it's forward and every Tom, Dick and Harry wanting to date your daughter because they think she is that type of girl!
My daughter's father had his done and I kinda hated it! lol He smelled like Listerine for 2 weeks because (not sure if they still have people do this) you have to rinse your mouth with it after everything you do from eating to smoking or just waking up in the AM. He talked funny cause his tongue was swollen for a few days and even after he still said a few words with a slight lisp and it just bugged me seeing it in his mouth even though I didn't care if other people had it done. That was over 10yrs ago and I don't think he has it any more.

Honestly, if my daughter came up and asked me for that, I would tell her no. Not until she turns 18. What reasons has she given you that she wants it done? There is too much sexual reference to tongue piercings, not saying your daughter is active or will become active if she gets it done. But don't open up that door for her by letting her do it either!! Peer pressure is a bi$#% but I'd rather my child's friends tease her for not doing it than be looked at like she is sexual active.

Good luck
S.

I'm all about picking your battles. Is it life threatening? What's the worst thing that could happen because of it? Can I deal with it if she does get it? How will it affect my relationship with my daughter if I don't allow it? Is it worth the fight?
Since you're on the fence about it at the moment, it sounds like it's not worth the effort. It's a tongue piercing. She can take it out and it will heal and nobody will know the difference. To me, it's not worth the effort. There are other much more important battles to fight (sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) than whether or not they have a hole in their tongue. I'd let it go if I were you.
Hope that helps!

I had several piercings, but could not get them till I was living at school. I dont think it really is a big deal, it is not like it is going to change her or anything she will still be her and if she is a good kid, it might not be a big deal. she is a bit young, but things are moving faster these days. I say if she pays/cares for it/earns it then it should not be a huge deal. she prob. just wants to fit in/express herself as I did. good luck, teens are fun! LOL
oh and you can sit down w/ her and ask why doing pros/cons too. I had to cover all mine for work...but that was when they first came out as now I think they are more acceptable in the work place....and a tounge will heal/close easy when she decides she is too 'old' for it. I still have a small mark for my belly and eyebrow one but I dont care that I do. hope that helps!

Well, ask yourself, why are you against it? It's not a permenant thing, she can remove it if she has to or wants to... have you asked her WHY she wants it? I'm all for tattoos, but I am deathly afraid of piercings for some reason, LOL... BUT if she's into body art, that's probably a better avenue because like I said, you can take it out. I don't know what the laws are there, but here you have to be 18 to get something without your parents permission... you could always make her wait to make her own decision, maybe she'll change her mind by then. I will say this though, it's better that she told you about it and asked your permission as opposed to going behind your back and getting it done!

I personally would help my daughter research the risks and then we'd have a discussion about it before giving my answer.

I have asked a dentist about this and he told me there's a risk of infection that gets into the blood stream. Being that the location is so close to the brain the infection can travel there quickly. I didn't ask the likelyhood of such an infection. So I would definately discuss the risks and preventions with my daughter and her dentist/doctor before we could weigh it out.

As far as anything else is concerned I think it's a personal choice of self expression, and a temporary one.
Best Wishes, K.

I understand why everyone thinks piercings are so bad but when I was younger I was really into piercings and tattoos, still am. I had my tongue pierced, my belly button, my clitoris and 9 earings in each ear, plus 4 tats. I was 18 when I got my body piercings but my parents still told me no, I did it anyways and it was a huge deal! It is just a form of expression and piercings can be taken out. After they have time to heal you can buy clear "plugs" for them to keep the piercing open but so it isnt visible for certain things, like job interviews. If she outgrows the piercing she can take it out and if she doesnt then she will deal with the consequenses good or bad. But I honestly didnt have any issues with mine at all. And for the people that think tongue rings and for oral sex they are wrong! While it can help with oral sex that isnt the reason people get them! I got mine cause I wanted it not for some damn man!

I would talk to your daughter, go over the risks about infection if she doesnt take care of it properly and that it is a major decsion. It will hurt, it will swell it will be odd to talk for a while and will be uncomftorable to eat for few weeks! My concern is where is she going to do this at? I maybe wrong, and probably am, but I thought you had to be 18 no matter what to get piercings or tats at a reputable place? Dont let her do it with someone that says they know what they are doing! That is way to dangerous! I hope I could help a little! Oh and by the way, I am 27 and I took all my piercings out, I only wear 1 or 2 earings per ear and I only have 1 small visible tat! Good luck!

I would first make her look up all the side things that "could" happen. most often they don't but there are things like nerve damage, speech impediments, infection etc.... make sure she is aware of all the info. then if your the kind of mom that is ok with it then go for it. just make sure she is aware. my daughter demanded a belly button piercing. she went and got it done without my permission. she had to have medical care to fix it up. I didn't pay for the belly button ring. i am against all that stuff. I also did not pay for the doctors visit to get it fixed. but she was aware of the "what can happen" things.

I have had many piercings and tattoos in my life. I personally think that if she wants it bad enough she can wait until she is 18. She may even change her mind by then. The nice thing about most piercings is that you take them out an never know they were ever there.

Hi Victoria.

Call the dentist's office and get their brochures on the dangers of tongue piercing. It's not simply a matter of good hygiene. The brochures are pretty scary. They might make her see the consequences before she has to experience them.

Regards,

M.

I’m curious why you said “no” in the first place. Does the reason behind it still apply? If so, I would stick to your original answer. Your comment of should you have her wait until she is NOT under your roof pretty much answers your question for you doesn’t it? Basically, why would you even say that if you felt 100% comfortable with changing your answer to “yes” IMHO 16 is TOO young, but from reading the other posts, I’m in the minority. Then again I don't have my tongue pierced.

I’m sure whatever you decide will be what you feel is right for you and your daughter =-)

I told my daughters and sons that they would have to be 18 years old and pay for it on their own, fully responsible for their actions. My oldest daughter got a belly piercing when she was 16, her step-mom took her - but I didn't. She tried hiding it, but of course that didn't last long, I let her know I disapproved but left her to handle the respsonsibility. If I remember it got infected and she dealt with it on her own, and let it grow together.
My youngest son wanted a tattoo, the night of the day he turned 18 he went and got tattoo, one he designed and paid for. Now 3 of4 of my children have tatoos, the oldest daughter was the first, she now has four, the last one she also developed a staph infection. Says she will never get another due to that experience. Although the doctors told her that the staph probably wasn't picked up at the tattoo parlor, it was probably transferred there by adding lotion to the area as they prescribe by she or someone. My oldest son, her twin brother has a tattoo also that he designed as did the youngest design his own - both are crosses with three circles intertwined depicting the Trinity. I just told them if they were going to have a tatoo it needed to be something with meaning or a story that they could live with the rest of their lives.
It worked for me to tell them to wait, at least at 18 they are and can be held responsible for the actions they take in life, and it gives them a chance to really think about the action they are contemplating. It isn't telling them no, just to wait until they are a little more mature to make what could be considered a life changing decision.
The mouth is a very suseptible place for bacteria to grow.
Another thought is now that my oldest daughter is 28 and working as a Dental Assistant, she realizes that appearances do matter, a tongue ring or the extra piercings and even tattoos can give an image or perception of something she may or may not be to others.
Bottom line, if she wants it bad enough, she will find a way to get it. The biggest draw back of this is if she tries to cut corners, it may not be a safe/sanitary place to have the piercing. You might want to do some research yourself and share with her the information for when it is an appropriate time and place.
Good luck and best wishes.

M.

I'd offer something else that she wants for now, but let her know that if she still wants one once she turns 18, you'll be more than happy to allow her to do so and hold her hand thru it. Maybe those 2 years can buy her a bit more maturity (as college approaches, she might start thinking about careers and the effect that piercings/tats have on job prospects.)

My personal rule of thumb is that for any permanent change (like a tattoo) I have to wait a year, and want the same thing for that entire period... and for anything temporary (hair color, piercing, etc.) I have to wait 3-6 months. ((I'm an artist, and I'm impulsive... these rules are for my own good... imposed by moi)). During that time I research methods and the BEST places/ artists/ care. LOL... I have literally wanted hundreds of tattoos... I have one.

Tongue piercing is one of those (as long as it is done RIGHT) very non perm things. It's not like getting a La Brea, or nose, or ear piercing where you have visible holes for the rest of your life. For the first month she'll have to have a "long" bar. It accommodates swelling (there shouldn't be much if it's pierced correctly, but there will be some), teaches accommodation, and makes it VERY difficult to talk, and eating is a bit tricky for the first week. Then you get the normal/short bar, and talking is no problem.

So it sounds like waiting until after school lets out, to give her the summer to "play" with it, and be able to talk like a normal person again would be good timing.

You can also get either a clear ball (no one can see it, unless you stick your tongue out at them... or a metal ball. The clear ball, if you're tracing it along your teeth, isn't metal... so it doesn't cause damage. But quite frankly, most 16yos like to show off. The clear ball is an option however for being discrete.

The 2 most important things is that is it done by a VERY good piercer (there are a lot of veins and nerves in the tongue... easy to avoid if you know what you're doing, but many people just don't... aka why you want to do your research for the best place to get it done, and the best artist to do it... that artist btw... will probably ONLY be a piercer) and that it's placed far enough back so that it doesn't bang on your teeth.

I would make an appointment with her doctor so she can hear from her/him what a pierced tongue can do to her speech and eating abilities. After she has the facts, I'd still make her wait until she is 18, or paying her own insurance. Can you tell I'm against it? And my children are both under 6 years...not looking forward to teen issues!!

So what happened?? I personally think there are worse things than a tongue piercing. She can get it taken out and no one will ever know it was there.

I am, in general, pretty big on teaching children to make the proper choices, so they have the ability to make those choices when we are not there. This is a tough one. Your daughter isn't a child, but her brain hasn't matured enough to allow her see consequences fully. I have always said that I wouldn't care if my son was covered in tattoos or had a pink mohawk if he was a good person who worked hard, treated people with respect and gave back to his community. Yes, society makes it's first judgements based upon appearance. And, while outside opinions don't change the truth, but they do carry undeniable weight. So, here is my opinion based upon all of this.

The larger concern, in my mind, are the potential physical ramifications of this piercing. Because tongue piercing is a relatively new practice in modernized society, there is little conclusive research on the effects of placing a metal rod through the tongue. Many speculate that it could potentially lead to total paralysis of the tongue, which would effect speech, eating, etc. I would ask your daughter to do her research re: the dangers of the piercing and present you with a pros and cons presentation on the subject. It will give her an opportunity to read up and evaluate the potential consequences of her choice, and it will give you insights into the way she thinks. It will also give you a chance to do your own research, ask questions and present your arguments in a way that makes you seem reasonable and respectful of her budding independence. Ultimately, you do have final say, but everyone likes to fee like they have been heard. Plus, she may realize that she just wants to do it because her friends are doing it, and, to me, that isn't really a good enough reason. Good luck with this; I am thankful I still have a few years before I get to make these decisions. : )

Many shops will not pierce your daughter until 18, even with your parental consent. If with consent, you might wish to get both parents to sign, not just one. If she can, and really gives you a good pros/cons debate -- why not? This might be a good "we-parents-rock" "bargaining chip" kind of situation, and if she decides to get it removed, no scarring will show.

This link discusses ramifications both with health and future and solid decision-making questions:

http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p...

Good luck to you both:)

I agree w/ previous response that tongue piercings (and ANY piercing that does NOT involve the ear) are just not attractive AND can limit people to things once others notice the piercings. What if she gets an infection/reaction? She's a minor, and since she's still your responsibility, I'd say no. I can understand that she's trying to find herself, express herself, etc. Christmas trees get decorated, NOT PEOPLE!

Good luck :)

I'd say let her. That is a battle you would have to fight constantly for the next two years. She could be asking for a lot of things that are way worse, and this is one of the small (easily reversible) things that adolescents ask to do. I had a nose ring in my early twenties, and my dad wouldn't talk to me for several days, even though I was on my own and payiing my own bills. He finally got over it because it was not a battle worth fighting to him, since I had been an overall good teenager and well adjusted adult. I eventually grew out of the phase and took it out, but it was neat to have while I had it. Getting it out of my system was better than being told no would have been. If you refuse this, you may have hell to pay in some other way with something bad later (like drinking or sex). This is the lesser of the evils. :)

I know you've gotten a lot of answers but my initial response was: Do YOU want her to do it? If so, then let her. If not, then don't. You are her mom. And about her asking for the next two years I would say "no... and don't ask me again." I feel like once she is on her own, paying the bills, etc. then she can make decisions like that. Again, you're the mom. She has enough friends. Make the decisions that are best for her as the one who loves her most.

What does her school say about them? My personal opinion, from someone who's had it done is let her do it. There are so much worse things that she could ask to have done. She may get it and hate it, or she may get it and love it. Have you asked her why she wants to have it done or has she stated why she wants it done??? I got mine at 19 and kept it for 3 years. If she takes it out, it will grow together, rather quickly, and you will be unable to tell that it's been done.

If you have any questions about it, PM me and I'll answer any and all that I can from someone who's had it done!