Daughter Wants Nothing to Do with the Potty

Oh I've been through the same thing with my daughter (now a few weeks shy of 4). She just potty trained a few weeks ago. We tried everything; cold turkey (no diapers just undies) but I was so anxious and crazy following her around; sitting in the bathroom with her FOREVER when she showed just the slightest interest; the "timer" method where I would put her on the potty every 30 minutes which resulted in a screaming. crying child who wanted nothing to do with the potty. She would say the same thing as your daughter. I thought the same thing as you, she'll see the other kids in preschool and want to do it too. She didn't even care! Now, a little history, my daughter has some sensory issues so I always just blamed the fact that she wasn't potty training because of that. I was getting frustrated so I started doing some research and discovered 3daypottytraining.com I am not one for gimicks that promise great results but the more research on this the more excited I got at the possibility. We purchased the ebook, got all the supplies, sent my other daughter away for the first day with my mom and set forth on our potty training quest. My daughter got it the FIRST day. (Same girl who wanted nothing to do with the potty, remember crying, screaming, etc) I highly recommend this program, especially since your situation sounds much like ours. Good luck and God bless!

Perhaps you're trying too hard. You've tried several incentives and she's not buying. I suggest that you try not trying to get her to go potty. Tell her you know that she's a big girl and will use the potty when she's ready. Then, in a matter of fact way, provide opportunities for her to use the potty. Perhaps set an alarm and tell her this is a game and we're going to go potty. Then both of you go to the bathroom. You sit on the big toilet and she sits on her little one. Sing songs, play patty cake, make being there fun but don't mention that she actually has to pee.

One of my friends needed to have her daughter, who was 3, potty trained for preschool in 2 weeks. She hadn't even started potty training. She was also ready to fight for her daughter to attend without being trained.

She decided to give it a try, anyway. She put a potty chair in the bathroom and took her in with her when she had to use the toilet and had her daughter sit on her potty without her diapers. she could play with the toys. She talked about using the potty for urinating and how she was old enough to do that now. No pressure. Within a week she was trained.

Make using the potty your daughter's idea. Perhaps give her choices. Take her to the store to pick out big girl panties and let her wear the panties. You can clean up the urine quickly enough that it won't damage the floor. I suspect that it won't take but a couple of being uncomfortable in wet panties for her to decide to use the potty. Whenever she does use it praise her. Ignore the accidents, except to clean them up. You could say something like, "oh, oh. lets get this cleaned up before it hurts the floor." but do not make it a big deal. Also don't put on dry panties.

Since she wants to be independent, I suggest that you give her more choices so that she will feel independent. Allow her to make as many decisions that are appropriate at her age. This could decrease her need to exert her independence in other areas.

My son is the exact same way. He's my second child; after the frustration of potty-training my daughter, I would normally be fine just letting him decide to potty train on his own (my friends have had kids who wake up one day and suddenly decide they're done with diapers - I call it the "magic day"). However, the preschool deadline looms - he's "supposed" to be trained in order to be able to attend. I, too, have heard that I can send him in pull-ups and they'll let it slide. I'm still anxious about it, though. It doesn't help that our pediatrician said that by age 3, kids are "ready" and that I should start forcing the issue, which includes dragging my son to the potty even if he's screaming and crying. I don't totally agree with this solution, but I tried it. I also tried rewarding him, and setting a timer, and having him run around naked in the backyard with the potty close at hand. Nothing has worked! And frankly, after a month of trying various tricks, I'm worn out. When all is said and done, I can't MAKE him pee/poop on demand. That is definitely one of the only things he has control over and man! is he good at it.

The interesting thing is that there are SO many different schools of thought on this. Force them! Don't force them! Use rewards! Don't use rewards! And there are many people out there who will tell you you are WRONG, no matter what method you choose. Very frustrating! I know this doesn't help you much - I don't have a solution for you, obviously - but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Not all kids will be potty trained by 3. And I think (although I'm sure some people will say I'm wrong) that that's okay, and normal. It WILL happen - eventually.

Hang in there!

I just read an article in Parents magazine, written by a comedian, that talked about this very issue. His son was also three and not interested in diapers and so he and his wife went out and bought adult diapers and used them...they both loved them! LOL! Anyway, at the end of the article he basically was like I get it! I wouldn't want to use the potty either! ;)

My daughter is going to be 3 next month and we just started potty training last week. She was very similar to your daughter. Would NOT sit on the potty ever. We would talk about and she told us on more than one occassion she liked her diapers just fine and didn't need the potty. She could tell us when she was going in her diaper and she didn't even really wake up dry from naps and certainly not overnight. So, I went cold turkey on the diapers figuring it was time. It's been just over a week and she's doing awesome! She hasn't had an accident since thursday and now takes herself to the potty. I put her in pull-ups during nap and overnight, but nap time she's pretty much dry now and we're still working on overnight. I think Hubby needs to bite the bullet. Hard woods, even though they're new, are better to clean than the carpet. I made my daughter stay off the couches and beds the first few days b/c I didn't want an accident on it. I set a timer for every 30 minutes and we just went. Sometimes she was resitant but I just said this is the way it is. She didn't go all those times, in fact, she hardly ever went, but we tried. I also had her wear plastic pants, which help to contain the mess, for the first few days if we left the house. YOu could try those if you're worried about the floors, but they are kind of hot. My daughter's butt sweats...yuck! My parents as teachers lady says that at 3 they are developmentally ready, so I think she can do it, she just doesn't want to and although that is a giant hurdle, you have to take it on. If we hadn't have pushed the envelope with my daughter, she'd still be in diapers for God knows how long! So take the plunge, she may surprise you!

You could be writing about my daughter. She turned three on Sunday, and about four months ago she was using the potty almost daily, then she just quit. We have a sticker chart. She knows how to use the potty, and she knows she gets a reward if she uses it. But at this point, I am just waiting. She is stubborn, and this just may one area of her life over which she has control. We are expecting another baby in December, so I would love for her to be out of diapers by then, but she will have to use the potty when she is ready.

We stopped making a fuss about it. We put regular diaper on ours (not pull ups). Would ask at regular time if she had to go potty on the potty. We got a toilet seat that has the toddler size built right in (You can by T Walmart and home depot) one day she said I want to ware panties and we never went back once she had them on. for us it was the attention thing with treat and all that she was getting to much attention. when we stopped with that she deside she could do i8t buy her self

Kristen,
We struggled with our daughter and the potty when she was 3 as well (although she would use it at preschool and grandma's house, no problem. At home, she would still pee in her diaper). After trying M$M's and stickers as well, I resorted to telling her that if she could use it for a week without going in her diaper, she could go to the store and pick out a toy. I'm not into bribing my kids, but I needed some incentive that would get her attention and it did as she was obsessing over a toy and it was no where near her birthday or Christmas. And it worked! She talked about it everyday and when I would remind her to go potty she would, if she refused I'd bring up the toy and shezkd run. The other end of the deal was, after she got the toy, if she used her diaper again, the toy went back to the store. She never slipped after that (a true accident, occassionally but nothing purposeful).

Best of luck!!

This approach of letting it happen when its going to happen and not stress about it is the reason that so many children are in diapers WAY TOO LONG!!!!! Children are ready about 2 years old.

My recommendation - Do an intensive training and throw away all diapers and be in it for the long haul. She's a strong willed child and is challenging your authority as a parent by telling you she wants to stay in diapers. Do you really want to wait until children are making fun of her? Some kids are so stubborn that that is what it takes for THEM to decide to potty train. And really what kid knows what's best for them?

I'd recommend http://www.3daypottytraining.com/ as the best method for this. I've used a 1 day program that didn't work at all, in fact it got my child (who was asking to use the potty months before) to be very resistant and afraid of the bath (because it made her feel like she had to pee). My daughter is VERY strong willed too, but this method WORKED. Its $25 and you get online help if you get stuck. Its worth every penny!

Good luck, but please, if you don't like this program, do a different one that's also intensive, don't drag it on and on, its confusing to kids and makes it harder in the end.