Daughter Is Hitting and Growling at Me

sounds like the same behavior (different version) of what my 3 year old daughter does. sometimes she hits, but she's started to poke me in the face now when I'm down on her level disciplining her. she also does some kind of weird noise, she tenses up her whole body and face and grunts really loud. whatever I'm saying to her at the time of discipline, she repeats it word for word back to me (example "this is your one warning, you do it again, you are getting a time out") she yells it right back to me like she's going to give ME a time out. I just have to follow through and be consistent with a punishment. every time. I don't show weakness or back down. I am the disciplinarian in the house, my husband refuses to have anything to do with it. So it is hard for me. I can feel your pain, trust me! My daughter is sweet one minute and mean the next. She'll do something mean and then the next day apologize for it! it's craziness really. But i think it's pretty normal for this age. I think in my mind the most important thing for me to remember is that it's just a phase and I have to be consistent with my discipline and follow through with my warnings of punishment. I always make sure to explain afterwards why she got a time out and make sure she understands, then give kisses and hugs. some days I have meltdowns right along with her. it's very hard at times. She may scream and cry the whole time out, and we might have bad days where she gets a time out 10 times, but I know she is learning and all my hard work will pay off eventually. at least i hope so! anyway, I just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one going through this.

I may have misunderstood but did you say she just ignores you until your husband makes her go to her room for time out. If that is the case then maybe you need to find a way to enforce things on your own. If you cant make her go to her room. pick her up and carry her there. If she doesnt do what you say you have to make her or she wont respect your discipline. relying on your husband to come and deal with it just shows her you wont do anything about it. If I misunderstood i am sorry I dont want to offend.

Sounds like a doozy of a problem there, T.. I know it sounds simplistic, but your daughter being the youngest is testing her limits. At this age, most kids have very strong emotions, but have yet to find the words to express how they feel. Time-outs work wonders for small children, but if you want your daughter to respect your authority, you'll have to physically pick her up and place her in a time-out spot (like a chair) and repeat to her that hitting is a no-no. You may even need to restrain her hands and repeat yourself that hitting is a no. Being firm and repeating yourself over and over may sound ineffective, but it takes a lot of repetitions for a child to believe that you mean what you say. As for the kicking and saying that the room (kitchen, bathroom, whatever) is hers, do any of the other kids do that to her? She may need to be reminded (several times over) that those are shared spaces and that you all take turns. Unfortunately it takes a lot of patience and practice to get a small child to learn to share and take turns.

For more detailed advice, I recommend 'Boundaries with Kids' by Dr Cloud and Dr Townsend. Wishing you the best of luck.
-B.-

Hi T.,
I go through a lot of this with my little one 15 months. What I have found is that it is only me that she bites, pokes at eyes, and pinches cheeks. She does note have this behaviour with dad or daycare. This is everyday that she does this to me, however it does seem to happen when she is tired. I was giving her time out, but now that I have noticed it is when she is tired I tell her we don't do that and start preparing for bed or nap. I can only keep watching to see if this is actually the problem. Is your 3yo possilby hungry, tired, or both? I would watch for reactions, the doc told me when she was born, they act up when there is something wrong and they are unable to communicate that to us. Good Luck!

I agree with pretty much all of the advice you have already received, so I'm basically reiterating, except I would combine some and add one more piece of advice.
My two year old has not gone to the biting/hitting, but he has thrown himself on the floor a few times. We have done both the overdoing the positive "hurray for Ammon" and putting him in his room and ignoring the bad behavior, and making sure we follow through with discipline. I have regretted my words once or twice (like, "we'll move the ten gallon fish tank our of your room if you put anything else in it") but I always go through with it so that he knows that I mean it, and be PATIENT! raising children is a FULL time job, 24/7/365/18(or so)...
The thing that I would add, is to try and make "special time" for the little one. (for us it's the older one, but same concept). I agree that she may be acting out because she's hungry, tired, etc., but possibly she just feels left out. Best case scenario: getting your older kids to spend "special time" with her, too. She might be designating areas of the house "hers" because the older kids are playing with the siblings closer to their age and leaving her out.
Well, just some suggestions. let us know how things work out for you.

You've been a mom for a long time, so I don't have to tell you that this too shall pass!..The thing I've found with my 2 kids is the more I tried to control their behavior, the worse it sometimes got. My oldest daughter Gabrielle was one of those kids. Time outs didn't work, it was just one more thing she tested me with. With Taylor who is now 10, I would only reinforce good behavior, I completly ignored her fits, I would just pick her up, put her in her room and walk away. It is so hard to do, but it worked. When she was behaving well, having a good day, I would tell her how much I appreciated her great behavior, we would do something small to celebate it, an ice cream cone, a walk to see the ducks, just something small. She still had her moods, all kids do, but the acting out was kept to a minimum.