Daughter Hasn't Made the Connection -- How to Help Her?

Updated on June 03, 2011
3.M. asks from Chicago, IL
14 answers

My 26 month old has started potty training. I just realized (by chance) that she will pee in her potty without prompting if she happens to be naked from the waist down. (So she definitely knows when she is about to pee and can control it until she finds the potty to sit down.) However, as soon as I put on her training pants or pull-ups, she just goes in them...then runs to the potty chair and takes her wet pants off. I have said, "Oh No! You got your pants wet!" or "Uh Oh! You had an accident! You're supposed to go in the potty!", etc... but she hasn't figured it out, yet. Should I let her run around the house without pants until the habit to go on the potty is really ingrained in her, then work on getting her to keep her pants dry? Anyone had this experience that has a trick that will help her "get it"?

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T.C.

answers from Chicago on

Let her be naked or use real underwear. My sister went thru the same thing with her son using the pull ups and they couldn't get him to train. Her dr. told her that pull ups do nothing except give them the option not to use the toilet. It is too confusing for them.
Good luck, if you are consistant she will get it in no time.

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S.L.

answers from Elkhart on

I've been through this two times and about to go for three. What I know for my kids is that going commando is the best way for a child to understand the connection between the urge and the wet consequences. No amount of coaxing, bribing, entertaining or shenanigans made any lasting connection for them. Now, I'm a neat freak so it was hard for me to accept the thought of random messes about the house. In retrospect, they were never as bad as I anticipated and well worth the effort. Funny story, with my second daughter I started training her at 2 and tried everything to get her cooperation. A lot of bribery, new underwear, toys, videos, etc but she would get to the point of achieving the bribe but then lose interest. One day while we at the doctor for an ear infection the doctor asked if she was potty trained. (She was a semi-retired traveling doctor who filled in for our small town practice as needed and she was very opinionated.) When I told the doctor "No, she is not" the doctor looked at my daughter and in a very authoritative voice said "you must be potty trained!" My daughter looked up at the doctor and in a very casual tone said "ok". That was the end of my potty training her. She went home and I took off her diaper and she never used another, except for a few weeks of nighttime diapers to be sure she didn't wet the bed. I was so amazed that this stubborn girl just said okay. LOL

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S.R.

answers from El Paso on

mine is about the same age as yours (28 months) and pull-ups/training pants didn't help AT ALL. my guess is that it just feels too much like a diaper so they don't see the point. it's a little messy at first, but definitely go with either nothing or panties. best of luck!

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Well, you're sort of shooting yourself in the foot by putting "training pants" and Pull Ups on her. Those are just glorified diapers and she knows it, so she's using them for their intended purpose.

Let her go without training diapers completely. She can either go competely naked at home or she can wear real underwear. Get rid of the Pull Ups unless she's still having accidents at night.

So basically, she HAS figured it out. :-)

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

Let her be naked!! With warm weather coming, this is the perfect time to potty train!! Just have a sundress on her, no panties, diapers, pants, etc. That way when she feels the urge to go, it will be much easier. My friend gave me that tip and it was wonderful!! I personally skip the pullups as they are just more confusing, in my opinion.
Good luck!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Accidents happens.
They are learning.
It takes time. Sometimes a long time.

All kids, even if they are already potty trained and older, WILL have accidents. Guaranteed.
It is childhood.

Don't work on keeping her pants dry. That is not the priority here.
The priority is, her getting on the potty.
Keep her naked on the bottom for now.
We did that with our son.
Then in time, once they get more cued about it themselves, then you transition to padded underwear. I used the "Potty Scotty" underwear for my son.

It takes time.
Lots of time.

Each step, is singular. Not all at one time.
Little steps at a time.

She will not get it until she is ready.
It is about physiological/biological development and the brain connections too. Not just the child's age.

OH and also know that: even if potty trained, night time/nap time dryness is entirely different. Night time/nap time dryness is not something fully attained, Biologically, until even 7 years old. And this is normal.
Still use a diaper at night time. The child will NOT get confused. My kids NEVER got confused, by it.

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I agree - let her be naked - then to panties (no pull ups during the day). Only at night until she's dry then too.

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M.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Buy her training pants - they are a thicker panty, but she will feel the wet as opposed to a pull up where it is absorbed. I would try that first, if it didn't work, then I would let her run around naked.....summer is on it's way! LOL

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R.S.

answers from New York on

I have my tried and true method of potty training that worked for me, recommended by my son's day care.

Time her voids to every two hours, and keep the pull up on (or even use diapers, it really does not matter here). For every time she goes potty, make it routine and the same every time, as much as you can, and then after, immediately reward NOT really for pee on the potty, but for just going through the potty motions. I would recommend something cheap like a small sticker (you can get a book of 2000 stickers for about $8 at Target, in the arts and crafts sections, these tiny 1/4x1/4 inch things that you can place on the back of her hand or on a reward chart). At night keep her in her diaper or pull up and allow her to sleep through the night for now.

That's it.

It is so simple, but believe me it works beautifully and it is so much less messy and so drama free. After about a month, my son "got it" and started to hold it until it was time to go potty. It was miraculous that seemingly out of the blue he was dry all day! Once we pinned down daytime potty, it took a few months longer but he naturally kept himself dry at night with no intervention at all.

My day care swore that this method would work but I was skeptical; but once I followed through it really did work. The key is to maintain consistency: go potty every 2 hours as much as possible, AND keep the potty routine the same every time.

C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Naked from the waist down is how I trained both of my girls. They can't feel the "wet" when they are in diapers or pull-ups, and even having training pants on may still feel like a diaper (until they're all wet, then it's too late!). Definitely have her run around with just her shirt on (or a dress) with no underwear/pull-ups. Once you're confident that she "gets it," you can put underwear on her.

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J.G.

answers from Rockford on

I haven't read the other responses yet, so this may be a broken record. I had the same problem with my daughter. The thing with her was that she thought of pull-ups as a diaper, because they felt and acted the same. I ended up letting her be naked at home (I am a SAHM so that was most of the time) then worked her way into underwear. It took time for her to get the mechanics of pulling her underwear up and down, so don't be surprised if there are a few (and by a few, I mean several) accidents when you start underwear, but it will come with time, just keep helping her. Just keep watching for the tell tale signs that she has to go potty, like leg crossing when standing or dancing around quickly and out of the blue, ask if she has to potty, then take her there. By the time my daughter was two and a half she was fully potty trained, could function her own pants and underwear, but we didn't actually start training until she was 28 months. I can count on one hand the number of accidents she has had since then.

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

That worked for my sister's daughter, she just had her run around with only a tee shirt for the whole weekend starting sat am thru sun pm (bed time she had a diaper); after that weekend the next was regular panties and from that sat am on she never looked back and did not have night time accidents either. So, I think it is a good option.

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

Yep - let her run around bottomless for a couple of days.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

We did the naked from the waist down thing. We also had a potty chair close by, like right in the family room where she was playing. This seemed to work for us.

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