Daughter, Almost 5, Is Terrified of Swimming Lessons

Being that she seems to have a legitimate fear, I think I would be inclined to discontinue the swimming lessons for now and move on in baby steps. Let her experience the water situations she is comfortable with and have her build up her confidence and have other parts of her life return to normal (sleep, etc). Talk to her about the fun times she had in the pool (prior to the event last summer). Point out safety devices other kids her age use to keep safe in the water and maybe have her pick out a special one. Teach her how to hold her breath and how to blow blow out through her mouth and nose. (We taught my kids this at the dining room table with a big bowl of water. They had a lot of fun but not the anxiety of being surrounded by water.) If you think it would help let her use goggles and ear plugs when she plays in water. If you decide that she should continue on with the lessons, maybe talk to a child psychologist about how to proceed. She might suggest ways to make your daughter feel safer or help establish a timeline for how fast or slow to move along. Good luck.

Hi M.,
Personally, I would not force her to continue the swimming lessons. Why make this traumatic for her? Just let her go at her own pace. To quote Austin Powers: "Maybe it's just not her bag, baby!" For whatever reason.
My son is 5 and I'm now taking him to the free lessons at South Park Wave Pool (once per week). He has fun, but sometimes gets around the activities taught by cheating a little! Only O. lesson into it--they're not doing much but getting comfortable with the water. It seems to me that some kids are natural swimmers and some are not. Some kids are more cautious by nature (mine is) and it's not an entirely bad thing to have a little fear of and respect for water. Of my son's preschool class of 12, only a few are now doing what I would call "swimmimg"! Maybe 2 of them. Good luck to you!

I would take her out of the lesson.I think at this point the lessons only make it worse. Keep her in the shallow end, baby pool, or have her wear floaties or vest. Sooner or later, she'll be ready to move away from these things with other kids her age and she'll want to learn. She will get more comfortable in the water. Amazingly most of our generation learned to swim without lessons and made it though just fine.

I think I would agree with the other ladies. She is still very young, and maybe bringing her to the pool outside of lessons and saving that for fall or next summer would be better. Or, you can bring her to the pool, and let her make up her mind to go in with you and the baby in the deeper areas, for instance. Give her the control. I would be very sympathetic to her fear -- say, I know you are afraid, why are you afraid, do you know why? (in case she can't articulate it). Then, have her hanging around kids her age or older who are in the deep pool, having loads of fun. My little guy is three, and also hates getting his face wet and having his hair washed, so we have little issues with the pool as well. We have him "swim" in the bathtub, practicing putting his face in the water. Seeing bigger kids and having them talk to him about swimming and putting their face in, etc., and play in the water, was a big help for him. I've found that, with him, talking about things away from the event, a lot, is helpful. We have lots of discussions in the car.

I think your instructor's advice is good, if it is important to you that she learn this summer. However, be prepared for it to be traumatic for you and her, I think. Kids, when they dig in their heels, dig in their heels.

If you don't have a pool in the backyard or a concern like that, I'm not sure I understand why it has to be this summer. I understand that you had a traumatic event, but there are statistics out there that show even kids who know how to swim, can still fall in, panic, and have trauma. With further passage of time, she might not be so adamant about refusing to go in. And I would still try taking her to a pool and presenting her with the ability to go in with you on her terms. (You have the one year old in with you, and poor daughter can't come in because she's scared, etc.) More of a gentle work around the issue, giving her some control, rather then forcing it. And maybe have someone other then you take her to the pool. Sometimes kids are very different with others, parents do have a different dynamic, which may be why the instructor suggests that you go away during the lessons. Your daughter probably senses your anxiety on her behalf, which may verify her fear, despite what you are telling her. Kids pick up on our body language and tone, particularly girls.

Good luck!

Listen to the folks that run the swimming lessons. They know what they are doing. You have to finish this, even if it's hard. She needs to win this one. Don't remind her of what happened before, and don't let her use it as an excuse to not reach forward in life. If you back down now (almast half way though) she'll figure that if something is "hard" she can walk away from it. Life is hard, life is not fair. We need our children to understand that. Help her through this for just a few more weeks. You'll both be stronger and better for it!! Best wishes.