So, as I said a couple months back, I am open to dating.
I'm just going to get straight to it.
A childhood friend has expressed interest in me, since I'm pending divorce. He said, I thought I wouldn't get a chance and when I asked him why he didn't pursue me, he said, "I wasn't ready, I wasn't mature, and I didn't want to mess things up in case we would only be friends." That was big and considerate of him not to be selfish.
Anyway, he texted me a few times, just to say hi, he doesn't ask about my daughter, he knows she's there and he also knows me well enough to know she is off limits until....
So, today he texted "Would you like to go for a walk on the water?" My reaction, "Tears" because although I've been treated nicely in the past and some times in my marriage, it's something about that text that cut to my emotional core.
Please share some icebreakers. A walk on the water makes me nervous because it's so romantic.
DON'T WORRY, I am not seeking to pacify a void in my life. I am not looking for love. I am not going to jump at the first opportunity to be with someone. I am just going for a walk, and will let time dictate the future. I have my daughter to think about before a relationship. As I said before companionship suits me just fine and if something else develops I will go from there. I've seen the pitfalls of rebound relationships, and I am not looking to repeat them :o)
You will not believe this. We had a telephone date and it was great. There was no awkward eye contact, accidental touching/groping, etc. We were able to talk about current events, laugh a lot and say goodnight at least 10 times. The conversation went on for 4 hours!!!!
We now have plans to go out for dinner at some point. So much for the walk on the water. LOL!
I haven't read the other responses . . .
I think a walk on the water would be a perfect ice-breaker "date". You will be walking side by side in conversation rather than talking face-to-face across a table somewhere. That would make it easier, I think.
Uhhh...I don't think you're ready. If a text to go for walk on the waterfront put you in "tears", that's not the best sign emotionally. How about you suggest Starbucks for a latte or Chai or maybe a walk at the Farmers Market. I like Farmers Markets, you can sample the fresh fruit, look at arts and crafts but its not an overly romantic thing...plus you can do your grocery shopping at the same time. lol.
Or how about rollerblading? Frisbee? Ice skating? Something FUN...no hiking in the mountains though because the view of the vistas might not be the best thing right now.
I will only reccomend that you take the first dating experience slowly and do not get emotionally wrapped up. The first person you date after a relationship is the "rebound" guy/girl. Whoever that person may be will be THE BEST THING EVER! Then after you are totally enveloped in their world, because you are looking for a new/different identity, you will be quickly turned off by the things you have chosen to ignore and hello heartache. If you allow yourself to accept, enjoy and learn from your previous marriage and what is going on in your new dating experience w/out allowing the emotions to drive you you should move on w/out too many bruises. I only say this because I have seen it happen too many times and I hate to see any one hurt when they can avoid it.
He's probably just as nervous as you are about the whole thing. This is a childhood friend who wants to spend time with you, so why not go for it? If he does want to take your relationship from friend to boyfreind at least you know him and that is easier then dating someone you don't know well. And since he is a friend he knows you well enough to understand your feelings. Simply explain to him that although you treasure his friendship, right now you are not ready to take this too far. He could have decided to go for a walk on the water because it brings back special memories for him. Men don't always see the romance in a situation.
AAWWW!! this is exciting!!
I can tell you that since you didn't date in the past, you won't have what broke you up between you and you aren't trying to recapture anything.
Take it step by step and DO NOT rush into ANYTHING...
Are you going to Laguna Beach or Newport? Bring a wind breaker, extra pair of pants or skirt to change into at Ruby's! (if you go to Newport).
Treat him how you want to be treated...I would hold off on the "love" thing until your divorce is final...get to know each other again...talking, listening, etc.
Don't set expectations yet...go with an open mind...
above all - HAVE FUN!!!
I have to agree with Kristina.
You are going through a divorce and custody/visitation issues rife with drama and baggage, you are being trained for a new job in which your employer may or may not be aware of your upcoming divorce hearing.....
Trying to bring a relationship into it would only complicate things more.
That's just my opinion and I mean no offense.
The guy admitted he hadn't pursued you because he wasn't ready, mature, didn't want to mess things up....
I think you might be wise to be honest and say that maybe YOU aren't ready, you have some things to sort out, you need time to heal and YOU don't want to mess things up.
This isn't a random guy, it's someone you've known since you were kids.
If there really is something there, it would be better to wait until you BOTH are past being emotionally vulnerable.
I've been through a nasty divorce and I don't know you at all, but it seems to me that if someone asking you to go for a walk on the water brings you to tears because it's so romantic, you are not ready to think in terms of "relationship".
You will likely meet a lot of charming men. You will likely meet men you know in the first 15 minutes you don't want to see again.
The saying, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs....." is so true.
It just seems to me that if you are that easily melted, you need to be careful and protect your heart.
Again, just my opinion.
Well if it were me, I would suggest meeting up at a place to share an appetizer/have a meal, OR have a few drinks...THEN go for a walk.
Just because I like to sit across from someone and make eye contact and see their facial expressions and stuff. So having that first then going for the walk would be easier and more comfortable for me (that would be my ice breaker), lol.
Each divorce is different. Everyone told me to wait until everything was final so I could focus on a new relationship, learn, etc etc etc. The thing is my rough divorce took 3 years. *I felt* if I had put my personal life on hold for the divorce I was only letting my ex come first.....again. So instead one thing I learned was to put myself first and what I wanted. I wanted to get out and socialize, and date, and have a good time with my friends, and travel and and and and and...lol. I didn't let the divorce stop me at all. So my only advice is...know what you want, and know what you have learned from your marriage and live your life. AND have fun on the walk!!! =)
A walk on the water isn't necessarily romantic. If it's a nice day out, it's actually very relaxing, and a great place to talk about things in a quiet place. I would do that or coffee before doing a dinner or anything more intimate. I think it sounds like a great option! Why not see? Just be very honest with him from the start about taking it slow, seeing what's there, and how afraid you are. If he's right for you, he will take all the time you need. In the meantime, really focus on getting to re-know yourself and what you want, and on your daughter.
the best thing you can do for your family right now is to wait.wait until after the divorce, wait till you get over it, wait till you are ready and arent so emotionaly broken. because weather you say your ready or not your clearly not. take the time to morn the loss of your marriage. i know it sounds stupid or corny but truly we go through the same emotions after a divorce that we do a death. just wait a bit longer. timing isnt right for a new relationship when your a bit broken ("emotional") and its not just a walk on the water. its the spark that becomes the romantic flame. my vote is not yet.
