Ok so my husband and i have been seperated for a while now and have filed for divorce. He is living with the woman he cheated on me with so i have very few reservations about dating myself. Here's my problem, I have the kids ALL the time and the few times he actually takes them its only for a couple hours (he is not permitted to keep them overnight due to his living situation until our divorce is final). I work a full time job and do overtime from home in the evenings. So for other moms who have been in my situation, how do you find time to date? Where do you meet people?
I dont have a regular babysitter that can come watch my kdis while i go out and in reality couldnt afford to pay someone anyways.
Added: my kids are still very young, my oldest is 3 and youngest is 2. At this point they dont do any sports and their friends list is very short, and while i am a part of the single parents network at my church I am at least 10 years younger than anyone else in the class.
I agree you shouldn't date until you're divorced. Focus on yourself and recovering from the separation and divorce.
Because I don't have family in town, I have friends who I swap babysitting with.
See if you can find a friend or your children's friends'mama to watch them while you go out with the lucky guy for the first two or three dates (keep them short), after that bring the kids along and do things all together, during the day, things that are fun for them, without telling them he is your date or boyfriend, just a friend. Dot let them see you kissing him (you can do that after they are in bed when you are comfortable enough to invite him home) and don't hold hands. If he lasts, great, if he doesnt, well, he's just someone they met every now and then and had fun in the process, but no emotional attachement. You'll meet someone when you least expect it, just take your time and test his endurance since your children must ALWAYS come first.
hey girl, i'm no help, but i'm in a very similar situation. i only have baby, he'll be 3 in dec and i'm not exactly *recently* divorced...it's been 2 yrs. anyway, i find it IMPOSSIBLE to date!!! i have no idea how to meet people or guys to date. i do have a sitter from sittercity.com. sometimes you just do the best you can do as far as babysitters go, b/c i have no family/friend support in that area. all my friends are married & i feel bad taking time away fr their family. anyway, that sitter from sittercity.com has worked out well so far. i have pretty much given up on dating...i don't have the money to pay $40 for a night out & most importantly, although i'm super cute (lol) no one's really asked me out! all i do is work, do errands, and pick up my son & come home. i do go to church but i haven't met many ppl there yet, let alone a man, let alone a man that has asked me to do anything. good luck girl! i just figure i'll date in 2030 when my son's 18!! :)
I would say finding someone to spend time with is important. Not looking for a relationship is not good now of course but having some new friends that are just yours, not "ours" would be so nice for you.
I know going through this transition is hard even though it is time. I think sitting down and making a list of what you like to do is important. If you hate church then looking for a new church home that has a parents without partners group would not be a good fit. There used to be a parents without partners group in that area that was not church based but I think it stopped meeting years ago. You could still look for it in a community publication like the newspaper city briefs or monthly calendar for activities that you would enjoy.
Think of activities the kids enjoy. If they like doing sports are there any single dads? If they do gymnastics or dance, BMX, Motocross, any activity that you enjoy is an opportunity to make your own friends and perhaps meet some worthy men.
Good luck! I hope you make a lot of new friends and perhaps can do some trade off babysitting with them so you can get out of the house and spend some time doing grown up things.
OK...so IF you find someone, what are you going to do? meet for coffee for an hour? That's fine, but it seems like all you can squeeze in right now til the living situation is fixed. Maybe try online dating sites but ALWAYS meet in a public place.
After the visitation is ironed out, you will likely have some weekend nights to yourself. Tap into friends...make sure they know you're ready to date and they will probably LOVE suggesting some people. Do you attend a church? Anyone there?
But I sure would keep my kids away from "dates" as there are a lot of wing nuts out there looking for single moms with kids.
Family.
There were times that I met up with people [friends that my daughter already knew for a long time] and met people through them. Then as time went on, I'd ask a friend or family member to come hang out with her while I went to dinner and a movie. I reciprocated in some way shape or form. If it was someone that didn't have little ones anymore, I'd fix their plumbing or car when they needed it.
My husband now [2nd marriage] I met at work. I'd meet up with him at a local car show, where other mutual friends were as well and my daughter would go with me. Did she know I was dating him? No way! But I still got to know him a whole lot better that way.
Single fathers take their kids to parks too. Or grocery shopping...
There are so many places you can meet people daily.
Dear KP
My best advice is... don't. Your kids need you right now more than ever. You are still young and have all the time in the world to date when your kids are a bit older and you are not so stretched out. You don't need another distraction right now. Dating is scary enough by itself without worrying about your babies. As far as dating when you do start... After my divorce, my dates were at Chuck E Cheeses with the kids playing while we sat on a table and talked. Otherwise, they only happened when the kids were with their dad. The kids ages were 2, 4, 8, 9. Hang in there! Best wishes and God bless!
