Daddy Confusion

I don't know if this will help but my daughter is 2 (3 in June) and she hasnt seen her dad for over a year. He lives in another state and has never been very good at being a "dad". Yet my daughter calls nearly ever man dad because she associates it with being a man sense she sees her friends dads' picking them up from daycare. I honestly wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Its common for children to relate the two, but if you feel that your ex's feelings might be hurt than you should consider encouraging your son to call your boyfriend by his first name, unless if hes going to stick around, what's wrong with 2 dads?

I had a similar situation where my ex left when my daughter was 5 months old, and started calling my new boyfriend daddy. We just kind of let everything go with the flow. We just tell her that she's extra special because she has two daddy's!! Just make sure that your boyfriend now is okay with it! It took almost a year for my boyfriend to get used to the idea, now he tell everyone she is his.

My son was like that too. My husband & I split when I was pregnant with him. He wasn't very close to his Dad then when I met my new husband (when Dallas was 8 months old) he started calling him Dad. My Ex flipped, but what was I to do? My new husband was more like a Dad, eventually he grew out of it, and made a new nickname for his stepdad. I guess I wouldn't force your son either way. But you can't help how he feels if he feels like your boyfriend is his Dad...what a tough situation.

Hi A., well I am kind of in the same situation. I am the new girlfriend in a divorced family, except the children are 6 and 3. So they understand that Mommy left, and now I"m living with them at their dads house. Since I have worked with children for so long, I have decided that they should only call me by my name. I feel this allows for the children and I to grow close, while still keeping titles where they belong. I will never be their birth mother, so I have to remember my role in their life. I do tell them that I love them very much, and I feel that they believe that. They become very excited because now they have an extra person to care for them. I have basically taken over the roll of their mother when they are here with their father, but they understand that they have a mom.
Because your ex is in the military and the baby is so little, I would still introduce him to his biological father. Sometime using word play, children can understand the difference from Biological Father, and Daddy who is always with them. This is definitly a sticky situation until either you get married to your boyfriend, and then he should be called dad. Good luck!!

I am not an expert- and probably should be banned from giving any advice since I have just broken up with my second child's father. I am a single mom- I was for 3 years with my first child (boy) his father died when he was very young and i never wanted to allow another man to be in his life because of the fact that we will already be dealing with the father being taken from him- didn't want him to have another one leave. But, I did- when he was 3 I met "the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with" and he was so good with my son. It just naturally led to my son calling him dad. For 3 years he was THE DAD- he was part of everything- picky eater problems, behavior issues at school, coaching his tball teams, getting up w him at night to take him potty, getting him ready for school, i mean- everything. And now we have a baby girl together too and are going through a nasty custody/support/protection order court issue. My son wants to spend time with him and my ex wants him to be able to still come over and i am not planning on keeping them apart, but i know that sooner or later the whole daddy thing to my son will probably fizzle out and i am so broken hearted over it. I dont know how to handle it and am so worried that my son will be so scarred from losing 2 dads before the age of 7! So, i dont think i would have necessarily kept my son from getting close to him, but maybe just not pushed the issue if i had to do it all over again. I guess it is not the end of the world and you cant shield your kids from all the bad in life, but I know how you feel and I had the same questions when i was starting my relationship- i dont know what the best way to handle it is, but i just wanted to let you know about my experience.