Dad Wants 2 Schools, One Here, One in His State.

Hi, I have no experience with this but what if the Dad's school was a sports-based school or a vocational school? C

I think you need a lawyer to set up visitation and custody and designate one school. I don't think a judge would allow a child to attend two schools and I don't think the schools would allow a child to go part time at two schools. get a lawyer!

I've been a teacher for 30 years and I know that it is illegal for a child to be enrolled in two public schools at the same time. It's all tied into the ADA (average daily attendance) money. Your child would have to be disenrolled each time s/he switches schools and would have to be reenrolled, thus losing his/her spot in that classroom. Besides the illegality, the lack of consistency this would provide for your child is mind- boggling. Your ex-husband doesn't seem to have your child's best interest at heart.

I don't think that it is even possible in public schools here in California. Private school might be different. Check with your local school district about their residency rules. And I agree that it wouldn't be good for the kid, even if it were possible!

What is your custody arrangement? Did Dad move away or you? Do you work? Where you live, what school your child goes to, consistency in family life, all should be based on what is in the best interest of your child. If Dad has a steady income and is the sole support and you are a stay-at-home M., is there something preventing you from moving closer to Dad. If you have a job, how much time are you away from home, and would your child benefit from being closer to Dad or his immediate family (if they live nearby him). If you have a joint custody arrangement with one week on one week off (which would necessitate the two school idea), you might see about changing it. It is, however, better for the child to be involved with both parents if they are both loving, caring relationships. Think hard about all the alternatives (you moving closer to Dad, can Dad move closer to you if job allows, family support where you are, family support where he is, better school district, etc.) Good luck.

I'm against it too. How does a child split up his schooling and life that way? Good luck.

i don't think you need documentation,i think the dad needs common sense.you can't be a half-time student,you won't fit in.not to mention the long commute.i had a student once who lived one week with her father and stepmother,one week with her mother.needless to say-it didn't last long.she ended up staying in one place,much better.better spending weekends with one parent,though my nephew is in this situation and doesn't even want to spend the weekend-not becuz he doesn't like his dad-but doesn't like his dad's living situation.a

When I read your post all I could think of is that movie "Clueless" where the character of Christian spends the first half of the year with M. at one school and the second half with dad at their school. I think the point of that in the movie was to be exagerated and silly, a joke - that's exactly what I think of your ex's proposal - it's silly and what a joke. And certainly not in the best interests of the child.

Is this his first child? If so then perhaps since your child is only five he doesn't really understand curriculum and the way school really works since your child is what, in Kindergarten? Wouldn't the child have to "make up" the work he missed between schools - so essentially have double work? Is there a reason that Dad can't move closer to you and commute into the next state for work - that seems like the better option. He's essentially asking two teachers in two different states to teach the same stuff on a daily basis for one child so he/she can go back and forth between schools - sorry, don't think that's gonna happen.

Unfortunately it sounds like you're going to have to go back to mediation or court. Sorry. Good luck.

I hate to say this, but I have a friend who has two children - 4 and 7 - and they are enrolled in schools in both London and New York and it works beautifully for them. They have to do it because their jobs require that kind of moving around and the kids are happy and seem to be getting a first rate education. They are in private schools which may make a difference.

I would talk to the schools about whether they would welcome this kind of split and discuss how it could be handled before you just dismiss the idea.

The other option, which may not be convenient, but may solve your problem, is that if you live two hours away from each other, perhaps you could find one school an hour away from each of you. That way it is the parents who have to make the sacrifice rather than the child.

I agree that children need consistency, but they are also incredibly adaptable and no matter what you decide, if it is handled carefully then he'll be fine.

Good luck. D.

That's ridiculous! I don't even know if the schools would allow that - different curriculums, part time at both schools. I just don't see how that could work.

there are education journals. My recommendation would be to call your local college education department and see if they can help. As a teacher I can tell you that it would NOT be a good idea. As the other mothers said... consistency is important and there is no way to guarantee that each school would be doing the same thing... ESPECIALLY in other states. We are WAY BEHIND in the realm of education in California. don't do it!

Dad's on drugs if he thinks he can make this happen. No court will allow it.

The only want it could be okay is if you both decided to home school him or hired a private educator for your child, but that's not on the table.

Your child will attend school wherever he is spending the most time. And given that you live two hours away from each other, the courts will give primary physical custody to one of you, and that's where he will live and go to school. The other parent will likely receive holidays, vacations, and a chunk of summer to equal out the timeshare.

If you want your son to live with you, make sure you say that over and over again -- if you are the one who stayed in the same area, this will be easier -- stating that you and the child have an established social network. If you moved, explain why it was necessary to do so, and what you are doing to rebuild a good network for your child.

Best of luck, it should turn out fine.

J.

Dear M. R,

One school here….one in his state?

Where was the divorce and custody degree granted? Who ever moved out of state without the courts permission has the problem. The parent who stayed in state should petition the court for amended custody stating, in the best interest of your child, one parent will have custody during the “school year.”, and the other parent will have custody on school breaks, both parents will rotate significant holidays. When travel expense is required,50% - 50%, when ever possible.

Divorce is a B -- Just make sure you child doesn't have to pay the price.

Blessings.....

I share custody with my 10 and 13 year old's father. They have always gone to one school. His dad has had to move closer to us so he can be involved in their schooling but also in extra curricular sports and activities. When I was growing up my dad lived in another state and I always spent the summers with him. I always wished my dad lived closer though because summers is just not enough.
If you end up having to go to court the judge should rule in favor of your son going to one school. Usually it would be where your son has already lived. If his dad is the one that moved then you are likely to have the judge rule for him to go to school where you live.

I had joint custody and even though we were in the same city and my son was in the same school it was hard on him because study habits were different in the two houses and he missed alot of school when he as with his dad. I think it will be very difficult for your child because of friends and school districts are at different places or levels in their curriculum. It will be far harder in the grades from 4th on up. If you both get him a half year then you need to see if it can be changed to one school year with you then one with him.

WOW!

It sounds like Dad is missing his son and is desperate to have him in his daily life. That's a good thing, but in a weird way...........

I have to agree that 2 different schools is too difficult for ANY child to handle, but especially for a 5 year old.

Someone needs to move closer to the other, or the dad needs to be kept totally involved to avoid any problems.

My vote: 1 school, 2 parents involved in his school.

~N. :o)

Uhm. How does dad propose to make this work??? Has he looked into it? Talked to people about it? the schools? I am not sure he has done his homework. Is he just trying to push your buttons over this issue?

I' m not even sure it's legal. Check with your school district, then the state superintendent if the district doesn't know. I don't see how that can work. Good luck!

M. R,

Consistency is best for children. I don't see how going to two different schools could be good for a child. I'm sorry I don't have any articles, but I'm sure you could look up how kids are affected by divorce and how they are positively/negatively affected by routine, change, consistency etc.

Take care,

Molly

Good Morning M.,

You are absolutely right! Not only do states go by different standards (California has high expectations), each state's adopted textbooks are different. In addition, each regional area is different. My sister moved her children from S.OR to N.OR. The expectations were alot higher in the North!

But you also need to consider your child's well-being socially. Consider the number of hours your child spends at school. You want him/her to grow with a network of friends and feel emotionally secure. That's unlikely to happen if you're bouncing from school to school--especially if school is a challange.

Contact your State Board of Education and/or local school district to see if they have any documentation. I know the state has testing results for new arrivals to each district. In our district, they tended to have lower results. This is also true of children coming from private schools to public as private schools do not have to adhere to state standards. Good luck.
N.--a teaching professional