Dad's Deploying

Hi L.,

We are in the same boat, the last time my husband deployed, our youngest was too young to get it, but now she will. My husband leaves in June.

Just last weekend at a family deployment seminar for my husbands bataillin, I spoke to a man whose special needs son needed a little help with the whole concept. He explained that Daddy had a mission and put it into terms that his son could understand, and then he told his son that his mission was to continue to behave at home and to do well in school. They handled this through distraction, so the letters from Dad always talked about how well the son's mission was going at home.

We will probably try this too and see if it works.

Good luck to you!

M., Navy wife kids-16-11-8 years

Okay, I've been trying to think of some wise, sage advice for you, L.. Since you always have some marvelous suggestions for all the other moms on here.

But I have to admit, that I can't imagine how I would cope in the same situation - let alone how to console my 7 year old daughter along with the other siblings. You have my sincere sympathy.

The only 7 year old I know is my sister's little girl (now 8) and she's all about instant gratification. Since shopping for a small girly trinket in the war zone isn't an option, perhaps your husband can try to accumulate some small, inexpensive toys or gifts for her. If you hide them well - and I mean probably in a maximum security safe guarded by dogs and wire, because the kids always find them - you can take one gift out at a time from him to her. Hopefully this will make him seem more tangibly close.

But I like the scrapbook idea, too.

Good luck to your whole dear family,
J.

I am an AF wife too, my hubby just got back from a deployement. Our son is 5, and daddy is his BEST BUD! We sat down and gave him a calendar and a "map", the calendar had a little saying from daddy on every square encouraging him, litle things he loved about him, all leading up to him getting home. Every morning I would read him what daddy said, and every night we'd put an X in the box, one day closer to seeing daddy. We also recorded my husband reading some favorite night time stories and singing him songs. They came up with "code names" and "secret phrases" to use on the phone "Air Force issued" haha
My son wrote e-mails "he-mails" haha back and forth on my e-mail account with his dad, this he could do anytime, to say he had a good day, was missing him etc., and he didn't have to wait for a certain time!
These seemed to help, I'm not going to say it wasn't hard, because it WAS, but the little things and routines seemed to REALLY help!
We also had a male relative (one of my brothers or brother in-laws) once a week for dinner, that was one of the hardest times.......just sitting around the dinner table and seeing his empty chair......but having a male family figure (not trying to replace daddy mind you) there to joke and wrestle with was a huge comfort.
Well I hope this helps! if you have any questions, just message me! Our hearts and prayers are with you and your family!
Lea

Oh my goodness--Andrea has a great idea with the kisses and hugs jar! That is great. It is just for her. THank you Andrea that was terrific.

Also when I was little and my Dad had to leave my mom got me a scrapebook album. I was to write or draw something in it everyday telling or showing what I did that day or just to write a note to daddy in it. It was called "The I Miss You Book" Now you can also get her a barbie digital camera for her to take pictures of herself and or things that she can put in her miss you book. You are very crafty so you can get her scrape book paper,cut outs, pipe cleaners and all that to decorate it too. It will be a great way for her to connect with her daddy when he is unable to call or see him on the computer. Think of the great fun when he gets back and they can sit together and read through all that she had put in it. It will be something he will keep forever.

I am praying for you. Forever and Always!

I am a former Navy wife as well. However my husband decided not to reenlist before we had kids. But some of the things I saw with other families were they would have a map on the wall and put to identical pins in the map, one where you are stationed and one where your husband will be and then they would talk about the different places in between the pins, how they could travel from the two places. The mom that did this found that by the time they go though all the different scenarios it was almost time for her husband to come home. One other thing I saw another family do is have a conversation jar. Since they don't have much time to talk this would help keep conversations moving. They had one for each kid and if there was something that they HAD to tell their dad they would write it down stick it in the jar and then when their dad called they were able to remember all the things they wanted to say other than I love you and miss you.

I know these are not great solutions to him leaving but it can help her while he is gone. I never liked the leaving part. I don't suggest having a count down sometimes that can make the time go by slower. Being in the Navy my husband would be out 6 months at a time, so we counted down months not days or weeks.

I'm a former navy wife, and i got lucky that we were out beofre the kids were old enough to notice, but the otehr post ahd some great ideas, all i wanted to add, was that your base should hae various groups even for your daughter to participate in where she can be with other kids who are dealing with this as well. Another thing you might want to do is if dad will miss any special days, even the not so special ones, have him buy cards before he leaves and write her a little note and you can give it to her on the special day. good luck, and god bless.

Hello L.,

First off I would like to thank your husband for the sacrifice that he is facing and thank him for a job well done in keeping our country safe. I too am a military wife my husband used to be Active AF, but now Air National Guard. We as well have seen many deployments. I have an 8 & 3 yr. old, both have seen daddy leaving. My oldest understands the job that his dad has and it is his duty to go when called. My youngest on the other hand does not quite understand. It is hard on both of them. I wished that I could tell you that it won't be, but that would be untrue. My husband recently came back from a deployment and I would have to say that this was one of the toughest. We did use a booklet that we received from the Family Support Center which had a map of the world and a calendar. This definitely helped since they could visually see where daddy is and marking off the day made him one more day closer. You stated that you will have a webcams. One idea that you could do is get bags of Hershey kisses (I know it will be a lot since he is going for six months) have her and daddy count them out and put in a special jar. Everyday or night when she talks with her daddy on the webcam or phone have your husband to tell her to get her special jar and take out one kiss. That would be a kiss from daddy. You can also mix them up with the Hershey hugs. I know that this will not take away the pain of daddy not being there but hopefully this will comfort her while he is gone. We did this for both of my boys and it did seem to help. I had them both sit with my husband before he left and count out for how many ever days he would be gone. Another thing that I would do is have them draw pictures or write a letter and have them decorate a folder or binder and put that in it. So that when daddy came home he would have a special present from them.

I hope that this might help along with all the other wonderful advice that you have received. I know how difficult it is going to be since I have been there. Just keep reassuring her that daddy is safe and will be home soon. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. And I pray for a safe return for your husband. Again thank him for his service it does not get said enough. And thank you for the sacrifices that you have had to face in supporting your husband while he is called to duty.

God Bless
A.

Hi, I am an Army wife with a 7month old girl. My Hubby is TDY and has only been home for a total of about 2 months of her life( a week here and a week there). I was worried about her knowing her daddy so I found this website called daddydolls.com You can send them a photo of your hubby in uniform and they can make it into a stuffed animal doll or several other things. That way your kids can still have daddy with them. Also she is old enough that she could maybe keep a journalof her feelings as well as write her own letters to him. Also make sure that if he is able to write letters/email to you that he also sends them to the kids. Maybe set them up there own monitered email account just for daddy to email them. That is all the ideas that I have right now. Feel free to ask if you have any more questions ext.

A.