Custody Question - San Diego,CA

Hi D.. I just have a comment :)

It's REALLY nice to see your post, talking about your stepson, and calling him your son. It's so wonderful to see a stepmom who truly and genuinely cares for her step son like they should be cared for....as there own. You can tell just reading your post how much you love him! And it's so wonderful. It sounds like he really needs you too. It really was bringing tears to my eyes. I guess you can tell I was a stepchild, and with not so loving stepmother. I just wanted to say that it means alot to really love your stepchild like your own. They can feel it when it's real. :) Too many stepchildren are mistreated because the stepparent just can get over that the bio mom is the ex and they take it out on the kid. I don't know you, but I can tell your a really great person and mom! I hope you do get the stability for him that you are looking for. It will be better for the little guy. Good luck!

You must get to court and get the agreement amended. It's not fair to the child to be chaotic. It shouldn't be too hard to get witnesses to testify in court that the child usually stays at your home. But if the bio. mom really wants to have her child full time then the courts may give her full custody too. If she's not a bad mom then there's no reason she can't.

I suggest that you go to court to try to have the order revised, I think you do have a chance of that happening. When I got divorced my ex husband got two weekends a month and the holidays were divided evenly, the judge made it very clear to him that if he did not follow through with the schedule that he would lose his allotted time with our children.

Also before you go to court try to get a signed document from a school administrator who can verify the fact that you are often forced to pick up your son on days when his bio mother is supposed, this will help your case a lot. Everything you mentioned about your involvement in his education/extracurriculars make sure to tell the judge, the judge's interest is supposed to be the best interest of the child & when he/she sees just how involved you are and how uninvolved the mother is it will help him/her to make his/her decision regarding custody.

Document each and every single time she can't, doesn't, or won't pick him up. All the days she misses. Every single time you cover. Then take that info and go to court and get the custody agreement changed.

How old is your step-son? Is he old enough for you to ask him what he wants?

just document document document, keep proof if you can (i'm locking texts from my exh) to prove things he's done and said. what your chances are really depends on the mood of the judge and how much proof you have

You should read over your mediation papers and talk out an agreement with her to have him every other weekend and maybe one day during the week where she picks him up from school and brings him home at your set time (7/8pm if thats resonable for you) You need to also start documenting every time you are called to pick him up when its her day etc. You might be able to make legal changes in one visit as long as you both can agree to the new visitation before going to mediation. This should be something your husband arranges and discusses with her too so you dont come off as pushy etc and she wont play hard a$$ with the changes.

My sons bio mom lives a little less than an hour away from us and she only gets him every other weekend. When we went in for the visitation hearing that is what the judge suggested since she lives so far away.

Is she calling you to pick him up from school or is the school calling you to pick him because she is not showing up? If she isn't showing up and doing what is court ordered take her to court for contempt with documentation from the school that she is not picking up your son. See if at the contempt hearing if you can get the court order modified if not after the hearing go file to have it modified.
I have my son all week and dad gets him every other weekend he works second shift so what would be the point of him going over for any week days bc he would never see him and my argument to have it changed to every other weekend was that having our son only during the week days does not allow us to have any fun down time or for him to go to family things because they fall on the weekend. We also had it put in the court order that any activities that fall during dad's time he must take him to. I think as long as you have documentation to prove that she is not picking him up from school you will be all set because not driving out to get him is showing little effort on her part.

keep a diary of everything extra that you do that is not in the court settlement (it is a court settlement right???) then you will have proof you need to get more time. The burdon of proof will be on her to explain why she could not keep up her end of the agreement. An occasional hand is onething. Regular occurances are not.

I think it's reasonable for you to have some weekend time with him and not just the harder during the week duty. Perhaps one weekend a month to start, so you can avoid a battle.