Custody Options - Aurora,IL

Hi,
You might want to contact Administer Justice and ask for an appointment. They are the most helpful organization I have found in this area on matters like this.

http://www.administerjustice.org/
If you would like to hear more from me before you contact them, pls feel free to email me on my private email account below.
A.
www.DoggyHasIt.com

Sounds like you have already decided that your marriage will end.

How long have you been married to decide already that it can't work?

Marriage doesn't stay the same. The dynamics change with every new phase of your life...age, time, children, job changes, moves, accidents and so on. It won't be the same and it shouldn't be the same.

Has he really changed or is he just not behaving the way you think he should. He's a man and your a woman, you are going to think and act differently. His strengths are your weaknesses and vice versa. When yout to can compromise on things then you bring the best of both worlds to the table and make for a complete picture.

I'm wondering if your son has become your world and now your husband is playing second fiddle to him??? Many women start to worship they children so to speak and their husband's become non-existent. You have a little one depending on you, loving you, adoring you and what does your husband have? Honestly your son probably prefers you over anyone. So who and what are making your husband feel important in this family dynamic? I could be wrong about that since you didn't elaborate, so forgive me if I'm off base.

First thing I would do is turn off the tv and stop listening to Opray or Dr Phil??? for your marital advice....both are failures when it comes to that...if that's what you are doing.

Turn off the tv for your base line as to what marriage should be. Don't read romance novels because they are make believe. Stop looking at the neighbors who hide all their problems from the world.

Look at your marriage and ask yourself some honest questions...

1.) If your husband has changed, then it what ways is it bad? Is he abusive? Does he yell at you? Does he run around and drink? Has he cheated on you? Does he just ignore you when he comes home watch tv or play video games? What is it that he's doing and is there anything you can do to talk to him or change the behavior....is it really that bad?

2.) Are you different? Do you pay any attention to your husband now that you have a demanding little one? Do you criticize your husband's efforts to care for your son telling him he's always doing it wrong? Do you still meet him at the door when he comes home from work? Do you still cook meals for him like you did before? Do you neglect your husband to care for your son? Has your son become your world? Have you stopped caring for yourself now that you have a child? At times I'm too tired to do my hair or makeup, but most days I make sure I get something done before my husband comes home. Why should I look like a troll just because I had kids? My body has changed with birth and that's normal and the hubby has to understand that, but you don't have to give up caring for yourself and trying to look decent. Do you love your hubby or not???? Trying to look decent for the hubby isn't so hard.

3.) Do you ever compliment your hubby? Have you ever tried to make him feel like he's doing a good job providing?

4.) Is he financially irresponsible and putting you two in debt? Or is it the opposite? ARe one of you stressed beyond your limits because the other can't stay within a budget so that all the bills get paid?

5.) Are you fighting about money? Is there anything that can be done to curb the expenses and thus relieve some of that tension?

Basically we know nothing but the fact that you have resigned yourself to a failed marriage and now you are wanting everyone to tell you it's okay to move 5 hours away from you husband so that you basically deny your son a healthy relationship with the main male and most important figure in his life. You want us to tell you that we understand and that you can avoid damaging your son and his development with the help of the male figures in your family. You want us to tell you that if your marriage is so terrible that you should leave for the sake of your son because no child should have to be raised by parents that fight. You want us to tell you that your son would be better off with you and your family than with his own father.

I respectfully refuse to tell you that because I think the father is a very important part of any child's life. I know that parents can argue and not always get along and still make their marriage work. I know that having a mother and a father that sometimes argue and yell is better than living with one parent alone. I know that kids that are raised by single mother's are negatively affected. I know that 80% of inmates today are from single mother homes. I know that my own marriage has it's ups and downs, that my husband and I aren't the same as when we met 16 years ago, that we disagree on a lot of things (but we talk about things and try to compromise), that we have three children that benefit from each of our parenting styles, that my own parents didn't get along all the time....

Personally unless you can tell me your husband is beating you or cheating on you or mentally abusing you in front of you son....I can't tell you it's okay to leave.

And lastly being a very upset woman whose husband insisted that we move 16 hours from my home in SC to his home here in Hellinois I would have to ask you......Is your husband really different and intolerable or are you just homesick and willing to give-up on your marriage to move back home? What a horrible thing to do to your son if that's the case. Like an aunt told me, God put you where you are and now you need to make the best of it...does no one any good to whine, cry, and complain all the time. Just make the best of it and tell yourself you are happy and many times you will find that you can be happy with the right frame of mind.

I'm personally very saddened by the number of marriages that go down the tubes now. 1 out of every 2, which is utterly ridiculous and doing so much damage to our society. Nothing worth having is easy.

I have a good friend who was in your situation, but he is the father. His ex wants to move back home with the baby. He has it in their custody arrangement that she must live in Illinios. In fact, she is not even allowed to leave the state with the baby unless she has his permission. So, I think it depends on your husband. Do you think he would mind if you moved back home?? Without his approval, you will not be able to move back home with the baby.

You have a lot of questions and they sound very preliminary and a lawyer can answer many of them and many will not charge you for the initial consultation. However, consider this - why has your marriage gone downhill? Just the challenge, alone, of having one child is enough to complicate a marriage. Coupled with a colicky baby (which you both survived that season of his life!) and now, the acid reflux. It's a lot on a parent's plate. You're son is at an awesome age - he will be changing an amazing amount over the next few months. I hope his wonderful changes can help you and your husband remember why you got married.

The day you gave birth to your child - you and your husband were changed. That's what babies do - they totally change your life. You're thinking "the grass will be greener if"... you move back home, but, now that you are parents, the best thing that you can do is to see if the marriage is worth resurrecting. You say you "know your child best". At this age - most moms do - doesn't make you the better parent, and your husband could very well be a bit jealous of "the baby wanting you more." I went through this kind of jealousy with my husband. It upset him that our daughter didn't want him at that age, yet, I still had to hand her over to him because that's how they develop a relationship. Did I think I could do a better job parenting? Probably. But I had to trust him. There's got to be trust. It's also important to have that time away from your children - whether it's an hour or an evening. Helps you rejuvenate.

You have a plan of action of what to do if your marriage falls apart. I'm sure there have been many moments that have lead up to this decision. But.... before you go there - have you both tried to work together to make it better? Dr. Laura Schlessinger has several great, straight forward books, one being "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" along with..."10 Stupid things Couples do.... " These are quick reads.

There's no way I would know the problems of your marriage. I just hope that if it is worth working out - he will be cooperative with you and will work together to strengthen your relationship.

Good luck.

It is possible that you may be experiencing some post-partum depression. I suggest that you talk to your doctor about what is going on with you; there is help. Also, it is not wise to make a life-changing decision like separation or divorce when you are sleep-deprived and stressed out. If you could find a babysitter for an overnight so you and your husband can be alone, have some quiet time together, and get some good sleep, I think it could make all the difference. Please do not give up on your marriage before you try everything to keep it together.

Get counseling now! I can't stress that enough. If you both love your child like you say you do you will try everything in your power to make this work. Unless of course there are other SERIOUS problems.

As you have probably figured out marriage and parenthood ain't for sissies. You owe it to yourself, your husband and most especially that little baby to try.

Get a copy of the book by Michele Weiner-Davis, Divorce Busting - A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again She is really, really good.

Good Luck!

Hello RB

I'm not sure if your son is your first child, but I can tell you that they can certainly put a strain on any marriage, especially if the child/baby has some challenges.
I know that when my twins were younger, I didn't think that my marriage would survive either. We both finally started blurting out all of our frustrations and fears and when that started, we both realized that we were both scared being new parents and started working together instead of in seperate camps....
if your marriage has additional issues, you may want to consider some counceling. i know that can be expensive, but you can try and go through your church as well. if that still isn't going to do it, then you need to talk to some legal council. You can contact the bar association in your area and see what attorney's work on a sliding scale, etc.
You do have to understand, that it can become quite costly, so be prepared. I do wish you a lot of luck. there are no easy answers.

Hey RB - so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I agree with all the posts encouraging you to seek counceling and working on your marriage before you give up. BUT - I also think you should see your doctor and discuss the possibility of post pardum depression. If you are dealing with any kind of chemical/hormonal imbalance or depression following your pregnancy, all the counceling in the world won't help if you're not dealing with the depression first - there will just seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Your OB/GYN should be well versed in helping you figure out if you have post pardum depression and know how to help. This is just one more option to explore before you go down the divorce road. Best of luck and all my hopes and prayers for you and your family.

Before you quit the marriage may I urge you to get some counseling. I myself was divorced and have been remarried, but the aftermath of divorce, despite the necessity of it has continued throughout a lifetime. People have horrible problems sometimes and sometimes they have adjustment problems. And if you want your child to continue by your side as you live then really see if the marriage will work out first because the horrible part besides custody battles is that you will have to make an income that might include not seeing him very often. There are insurance needs and food and clothing and a roof over our heads. You might plan this out really well, perhaps school before you get divorced so you have a recession proof job and you might take a look at your husband who is perhaps struggling with his new identity also. 9 and a half months is not a long time to adjust to a lifetime of parenting and you may find it easier to make a go of it with your partner now if you see eachother in a different light. You are struggling. colic can test the calmest of people and acid reflux can be joined along with teething, stomach problems, flu, ear infections, broken bones and teenaged hormones. If there is no chance to develop a sense of humor together then please, for your sake plan out your divorce very carefully. Even the nicest person can get very nasty. My sister fought for custody for her son for many years and finally gave up after thousands and thousands of dollars were wasted on lawyers. I fought for custody of my children and it took many years and thousands and thousands of dollars and my health became poor. So please think this through very carefully and I'll be praying for you.

I had the same situation. A baby with reflux and colic that screamed and screamed and puked all the time. My husband and I went through hell and were very close to splitting up. I remember one specific time where I was in the backyard with the baby and he was just screaming at me and throwing things, then he came inside and packed up his things...that was not the kind of couple we were before our baby. I experienced terrible postpartum depression, I mean terrible...I really know what you're going through. I was so very alone and sad. It was a very difficult time to say the least. Things did get better. My daughter is now a healthy almost 3 year old and my husband and I are good togther again. If you need someone to talk to, please e-mail me! Sometimes feeling as though you've got some emotional support can make a world of difference.

A.

Hi RB! I'm sorry to hear your having such problems in your marriage. I'm not sure what to tell you regarding custody, but I do want to tell you to hang in there and give your marriage more time to adjust to this huge life change. Nine months is such a short time to give your marriage to adjust to this momentous change. I have a 15-month-old daughter, and the first year or so was really tough on my marriage. Your individual roles as well as roles as a couple have completely changed. Seek counseling and give it more time, both for your sake, and especially for the sake of your son. Trust me - things DO get better! :-) My husband and I were fighting constantly, and at times he was even borderline verbally abusive. We've really worked hard and just maintain the mindset that divorce is not an option - we have to figure some other way to work things out. We are doing really well now, and we have another little one due in November.... hopefully this transition will be easier on our marriage than the birth of our first was! But if it's not, I know what to expect and am prepared to ride out the storm. Best of luck... hang in there! I'll be keeping you, your husband, and your baby in my prayers!

Dear Mama-
the reflux and colic will end- I promise you! But don't let your marriage end! Your sweet son needs and deserves two parents- parents who are committed to loving each other and making a secure home. That is truly the best gift you could ever give your son. If there is any way, please fight for your marriage, for you son's sake if not for your own. I agree with those below who have encouraged you to seek out a counselor. If you're connected to a church, they often offer free counseling. Even if you're not connected, you could make some calls to see what a few local churches say. You say your marriage isn't strong- so MAKE it strong! You can do this!!! I know because I've walked in your shoes- ready to leave- but now, years later, I wouldn't ever choose anyone but my one and only- he's the best. You are stronger than you know. Blessings-

How sad for your son if you take him so far from his Daddy. Nothing you said indicates that your husband doesn't have a good relationship with your son, so you would be punishing him for a marriage that wasn't working.

I agree with everyone here that you should seek marital counseling.

I can not help you with any legal advice, but I heard something from Suzy Orman the other day that really stuck with me. "hope for the best and plan for the worst" It is so great that you are thinking ahead for your worst case scenario, but don't forget the hope for the best part. Everyone who has a child (and especially if they are sick or colicy) goes through major upheaval in their lives and marriage. It is Hard! Don't give up too soon. Have you thought about marriage counseling or talking with a religious leader who might be able to help you guys? Keep fighting for your family and marriage even while you plan for the possibility of the unthinkable. I hope it works out for you and that happier times are ahead. God bless

Hi RB!
I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. Your post has been on my mind for a couple days now and I just thought I should tell you about my experience. This is my story, my hind-sight. Only you know what is best for you.

Five years ago I was so excited to have my first baby! I was on cloud nine! Only to fall so fast when my son turned into a "colick baby". I remember hating my husband because he got to go to work and I was stuck alone all day with this. I remember feeling people judging me that it couldn't be "that bad". I remember feeling very alone and unsupported and unappreciated by my husband. He didn't see how hard it was for me to be 24/7 with this baby. I KNEW BEST ABOUT MY SON SINCE I HAD TO WEATHER THESE COLICK STORMS DAILY, ALONE.

I remember the look on my Ped's face when he FINALLY confirmed it was colic. He gave us so much support and tried to be understanding, but he wasn't at home with us.

I was so disappointed with my husband, and we nit-picked at each other about EVERYTHING. Nothing I did was right, and I really felt like a failure with my "colick" son. I made plans to live with a girlfriend while I straightened things out. I was pretty scared. I thought marriage was forever.

Looking back now, I needed support. I had no family support (at all), minimal from the inlaws and very little from my friends. But I was also depressed. The colick, hormones and lonliness you feel as a new mother were playing a catch-22 with my mind. The tricky thing about depression is that it tints your outlook on everything else with the soupy/foggy/gray perspective. I didn't know it then. Not saying the other things weren't real, they were. But with the depression, the lower you sink into it, the higher your expectations are of people and experiences, then they are not met, you sink further and so on..............

My husband could not be my anchor and that let me down. But he had a right to deal with this experience as best for him.

We couldn't rely on each other for help through the 'couple to family phase'. The first child completely redefines a marriage. I didn't know it was OK to not lean on each other. We both needed appropriate supportive resources outside of each other to bridge the transition.

Point: take what myself and the other posters have said about a marriage adjusting. Maybe it is for you, maybe not.

I wish someone would've helped me with the depression. I was in denial, thought I was fine, I wasn't. I was just treading water.

Now I have my best friend in the world!!!!!!! I cannot imagine my life without my husband! We talk about this time often and it is such a faith-bonding, growth connecting, personal development, and achieving experience that we have a better understanding of how we need to weather good/bad experiences as a couple and as the individuals who make that couple.

I hope this helps and sorry that it is so long!

I think that you, your son, and your husband deserve to be HAPPY, whether that happens apart or together. My advice would be to visit and spend some time with your family 5 hours away without making any big decisions yet. It seems to me you both need a break to think and breath, away from the stressful situation. You need time to recuperate from childbirth and re-balance your hormones and your family can help with your son so you can do that. Time apart may help both you and your husband miss each other and want to be together and work it out. You have control too so you don't have to worry about "your marriage falling apart", because it doesn't happen by itself. You both have choices and options once you can think clearly and decide what course of action you want to take. Yes, the ideal would be a happy loving family and married loving parents, but life is not perfect.

RB,

Don't make any decisions prior to your child turning 1 1/2 -2 years of age. It takes that long just for your body (especially if you are nursing) to get back to normal. Our bodies need time to adjust to the chemical/hormone imbalances that having a baby produces.

I have been through a divorce with children involved. The children are ALWAYS the ones who lose. It effects the way they interact with others and form relationships for their entire lives. I see it with my children constantly and it is heartbreaking. Please, don't rush into a divorce.

I agree with the others who say unless the situation is abusive or your husband is cheating then seek counseling and no matter what never underestimate the importance of the relationship of BOTH parents to your child.

I remarried five years ago and now have two more children. My husband stays home and cares for our children while running his at home business while I work outside the home. Our two little ones always want daddy over mommy. When I was a stay at home mom with my older children (when they were little) they always wanted mommy over daddy. While you think you know your child the best and that your child prefers you over daddy, it is only because you are the one at home. Your child needs you BOTH.

As far as marriage-many have already hit on it. It always goes through ups and downs and this is one of those down times when you are both adjusting to a new life that includes your new son. Read "The Love Dare" by Kendrick ISBN 978-0-8054-4885-6. It will help you get your marriage back and make it stronger. You can also watch the movie "Fireproof". Just do this before going any further with the custody/divorce checks. What you decide right now WILL effect You and especially your SON for their rest of your and HIS lives. Don't make this decision lightly. Avoid divorce (if possible)at ALL costs.

I'm praying for you,
L.

The first year-18 months is the hardest. Know it will get easier and you will have more time to work on your relationship. I know that you're not asking for a pep talk, but just want to encourage you not to give up to soon. If you want some resources or ideas for you marriage, feel free to email.

Hello R B

I am sorry to hear that. I can suggest you to call Legal Assistance Foundation and they can help you ###-###-####. This is if you live in Chicago. If you don't you can call them and they can give you the number you need to call. You can at least ask them for advice.
Good luck!

Hi, Listen, the first year is the worst; my son is 8 months and sometimes I really hate my husband-however, I breath and think about the big picture and know this is just a rough patch because ultimately I love him. I've talked to other Mom's and many of them have gone through what you are going through right now.
You are not being fare, I understand you know your son best and you love him and would love to have your family around but no one is going to love your son like his Dad. If you really love your son and know him best than you would know that what you are planning is selfish and that it isn't in the best interest of your son to move but in your best interests. The best interest of your son is being able to have a relationship with his Dad that is close and accessible. I don't mean for this to sound harsh or to bag on you, but instead of conspiring to find a lawyer and establish custody maybe you should talk to your husband and go to marriage counseling and ask a friend of family member to watch your child and spend a night at a hotel or go on a date; re-connect. I really hope you try to work it out with your husband and let your son grow-up with both parents. If you do choose to get divorced please don't deprive your son of his Dad; too many kids become collateral damage of their parents issues and anger. I wish you luck in whatever decision you do make regarding the future of your son and his relationship with his father.

Oh, my dear... You need to talk to a divorce attorney. I just went through a divorce and custody fight, over a 4 year old. I was a stay home mom as well, but my ex hired attorneys and tried to take full costody (for having no grounds for it). So that you know, these days a Father has the SAME RIGHTS as the mother, and can gain full custody of a child if you do not fight for it. Please, understand how serious it is and prepare yourself BEFORE any fight to start. Please, do not assume your husband would be fair and nice in the prosess. May be he intends to be nice initially, but the lawyers, his family and friends as well as the prospect of paying you child support and other support would push him in the and to fight... once it sinks in to his head that you are no longer part of his life.
If you like, you can contact my attorney, he was great, for at least a consultaion to see what your best options are. If you do call, please, tell him Tanya sent you. Good luck, my dear.
John D'Arco
161 North Clark Street, Suite 2600
Chicago, Illinois 60601-3297
Telephone: ###-###-####
Facsimile: ###-###-####

Email: ____@____.com

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in that much pain. I hope that you and your husband have considered marriage counseling before you call it quits. It can really help you remember why you are together.

If you do end up in that situation, I would seek the advice of a divorce lawyer who deals with custody issues.

I remember how the first year or so of my son's life were spent in a "zombie-like" state. Both my husband and I were so sleep-deprived, we'd jump down each other's throats for the tiniest of things. And most of our friends that I've talked to have been honest enough to say that when their first child came along, it was the hardest year they had as a couple, and the closest they've come to divorce. So your post sounds to me like you're going through what most people go through with a new baby. They really do change everything! You loved your husband enough to marry him and have a child with him. Putting aside all other factors, are you ready to give up on that? If so, then by all means, contact a lawyer. However, if there's even a glimmer of doubt, my suggestion is that you seek some counseling (if you are a church-goer, most pastors - and I'm speaking for the Protestant denominations, since I have no experience with Catholic) will offer free counseling sessions for their parishioners. With the economy as it is, free is the best way to go! It might just be the growing pains of a new family that you're feeling, and I'd hate for you to give up too soon. I can't say what's best for you - only you can do that. But just remember, it stopped being just about you 9 1/2 months ago. You also have your son's best interests to consider before your final decision.
Good luck! I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do!

Sorry to hear about your marriage. It's not easy caring for a child, but it is a blessing. We ALL need patience when our babies cry and cry. All I can say is get some counseling help because having a baby should not be the reason to separate. I can understand issues with the men that don't have the patience we do, they don't help as much as they can and sometimes they don't seem too supportive. The condition with the baby will pass, you BOTH have to give it time. Don't give in to a divorce so soon, ask God for His help and guidance and both of you should go to some type of counseling. If either one of you are not comfortable going to counseling, you should have at least one good friend or family member that you can confide in to help get both of you through it. The baby is almost a year and he'll get better, trust me. PRAYER helps a lot!!! Good luck to you and God bless.

I don't have advice for you, just want to offer encouragement. Surviving my oldest son's first year of life has got to be the single, most difficult thing I have ever done. He was not colicky and had no major health problems, and I still didn't think I would survive! I didn't really know other moms, my friend lived hours away, my husband worked long hours and I just felt incredibly isolated. It was a very lonely time for me. It really does get easier!!! Personally, I desperately needed a support network. Once my son was old enough to begin classes at the YMCA I began to meet other moms, joined playgroups and just felt so much better. Once I began to get out of the house more and make friends I was happier and was able to be a better mom and probably a better wife. I'm sure I was a much better person to be around. My husband also began to realize how hard it was to be a stay at home parent and began to appreciate all that I did. Feeling appreciated was huge!
I usually feel it's presumptuous for me to not answer your question and instead give unsolicited advice. But I really did want to give you some hope that parenting does get easier. I don't think it ever gets easy, but it does get easier.

RB -

My marriage went through the same thing with our colicky son. We talked seperation/divorce but fortunatly it never came to that. Having a colicky child turns your life around and the stress of a new child doesn't help. Before making any decisions, go out with your husband, have a date night and talk honestly about how challenging these last nine months have been. You may find out that you are both feeling the same things and you can keep your family in tact.

I am so sorry you are going through a rough spot in your marriage. It is so hard to deal with stresses on top of having a baby. I don't think you should give up on your husband just yet though. You need eachother's support to get though this time with an infant.

I agree with the others to seek counceling. When my son was a baby, my husband and I went to counceling though our church because we were getting married. At that point there were a lot of things that really bugged me about my husband, being that we had never lived together before our son was born. Having the ability to talk to someone non-bias was a God-send for me. I got to get out all of my frustrations in a neutral enviornment. It really helped me.

I also believe that family is so important. Is their anyway for you to move your family back to your hometown? It will help so much. In that same time frame as the counceling, I lived about an hour from my family. It was so rough to be seperated from them since they were my support system. At that time my husband's family was no support at all and i felt alone.

Lastly, I would suggest asking for help from a friend or placing an ad for a co-worker for your daycare. That is a HARD job to do alone all day. I did it myself. If I hadn't ended the daycare, I think I may have gone nuts. It is just too hard to be with children all day (who don't talk back with meaningful conversation) without the support of another adult who can help. I've worked in daycare centers and the home daycare was so much different than that because I had other adults to talk to through the day.

Good luck with everything.

If you decide to divorce your husband, let the courts decide what visitation you husband should have and set up a time where he can come and visit your son and you can also set aside time to go back home so your son can see his father.

I know what you are going through. My second daughter was miserable for the first year! She had colic for six months and even after that was over, she was just not a happy baby and was crabby all the time! It was a shock since our first was such an angel. At the time, I too, thought that me and my husband couldn't make it through and we were headed for divorce. We were both always crabby, and not happy because of the baby. We weren't the same anymore either. I know it seems rough right now, but, when things start improving with your son, things will also improve with you and your husband. If you have the option of someone to babysit possibly overnight, try that and go on a date night. If not, hang in there, our daughter started getting better after she turned 1 and things began to improve - now me and my husband are back where we were but we are done having kids. It may seem rough now, but hopefully, it will improve when your son does. Good luck!

i agree whole heartedly with the advice not giving up on your marriage. Above all means Pray!

Good Morning,
I am sorry to hear of your situation. Marriage is difficult and takes a lot of work. The birth of your first child is a major life changing event, not to mention the fact that yours has some issues. You and your husband are probably burnt out, sleep deprived and not yourselves right now. We've all been through this. Please do not give up on your marriage so quickly. This decision will affect you and your child for the rest of your lives. Is your husband's family nearby? Is there someone reliable that you can trust with your son? You and your husband need some time to reconnect and feel normal again. These difficult times will strengthen your marriage if you allow it. I would seek a good marriage counselor, before throwing in the towel. You said your son loves his Daddy. If he is abusing you, that is one thing, but if not don't jump to judgement. There were so many times in my life, especially after the birth of one of my 3 children that I felt estranged from my husband. It was hard, but always improved. Colicky babies and acid reflux are very challenging issues. Have you sought advice from your Pediatrician? Anyway, I am not a professional counselor, but I have counseled and helped many friends with marriage issues. It sounds like to me that your child's issues are draining you both. Maybe a family member could visit and help with the baby. You both need a break from your son. I know you love him, but you'll be better parents if you find a way to get some personal time. Best of Luck! S.

Custody rights don't mean you have to live near your ex! But he will probably have visitation and so a solution would be to have him stay with Dad for a long stay maybe in the summer for a few weeks. He's still young.

Talk to your husband with a mediator. You'll be surprised at the things you can work out custody-wise.

-Sunni-

Dear R B,
This must be such a difficult time for you and your family. The birth of a child sometimes brings added strain on the family. The first two years are the hardest. Because of this, sometimes it is not advisable to make drastic decisions. One thing that I really reccomend is for you and your husband to see a counselor. Talking it over with a third person always brings a new perspective. Good luck and God bless you.

Dont give up on your marriage. Seek marriage counseling. I also think you need to get out and fellowship with other adults. Spend some time with just your husband get to know him again. Pray - ask to fall in love with your husband again and ask God to allow your husband to fall back in love with you. Good luck to you. I wish you well.