S.C.
C.,
First of all, bravo to you for taking in your nephew! I want to reiterate what the others have said - please seek counseling for yourself, your nephew and your family, it will be essential to the well being of all of you. I assume that you would not consider turning him over to the state or to anyone else, so based on this I have a suggestion. Give yourself a time line to feel all of the negative feeling that you are having, because they are valid and understandable. Maybe it is two more weeks, maybe three, but pick a day that it will all change and stick to it. Until that day, acknowledge your feeling of frustration, fear, resentment, guilt. Then on that chosen day make a decision to let it all go and completely embrace your new life with total acceptance. Write down all of your negative feelings and put them in a bowl and burn them as a symbol. Then on that day forward, love your nephew as your own child. Just giving him shelter and food is not enough. Show him more love, acceptance, and kindness than anyone deserves. It is your only choice if you want to have a happy life for yourself and your family. Accept your new life and situation with joy and open arms. If anything do it for yourself, because guilt is an awful and powerful burden to bear. Most people go through life wondering what their purpose is….seeking a way to contribute the greater good, to make a difference in the world that is meaningful and tangible. Your answer to these questions just fell in your lap. You have an opportunity here that most people don’t get. You can take a child who is rejected, confused and abandoned and completely change his life. When you do this, it will be the greatest gift you have ever given. You will be a role model to him, to your son, to others in your family, to your friends, and to anyone who knows of your situation. Your steadfast commitment to accepting and loving him will have far reaching affects. When he grows to an adult and is kind and wonderful, is successful, full of self confidence, able to have a healthy loving family of his own, let this be because of you, and the love you have given him. Do what ever you can to achieve this, read books, seek counsel, read online, pray. One place to start would be http://www.attachmentparenting.org/ or other recourses on “attachment parenting.” I am sure there is plenty of info out there on adopting an older child. They will have good information on bonding and how to help heal your nephew’s wounds and create a healthy relationship between you and him and the rest of your family. Make choices in your life now, so that on your deathbed, you are free of guilt and regret, but rather have a heart full of contentment, joy, accomplishment, and gratitude.