Have joint custody of kids. They live with my husband and when we went to masters hearing I was given Sundays for brunch as my set time. The reason being is that I live a 2minute walk form his house and the kids are free to come and go as they please. He has discouraged them form coming here and as a result on most weeks I get to see them for about 1 hour per week. My attorney had requested a hearing in front of a judge and the first thing that happens is a conference with the judge with just lawyers there.
At that time both of us have to have filled out a parenting plan. If we can’t agree then we move on to a hearing. Does anyone know what to expect at a hearing. Also could it be that a judge will not set up a visitation schedule and just let kids come and go as they please. I feel like I have gotten a bad deal form the legal system and that my ex has gotten away with manipulating the system.
The kids are involved in many activities all week long and on weekends. But does that mean I shouldn’t have a normal visitation with them. I have counseling session with them every week and they have repeatedly said that they do not want to be on a schedule (which is the same thing that my husband has said) While yes they can come and go as they please all of their time is filled with activities. Does anyone have any suggestions or any idea if the courts will allow this to go on? I want to believe a judge will not allow one person to have all of the time with the kids and their mother only seeing them one hour a week
kids are 13 &14
You didn't mention the ages of the kids. If they are over twelve don't expect it to change.
If they are don't take it as meaning they don'tb love you are want to be around you. They just don't like the back and forth. Parenting plans are more for parents than kids.
Welcome to mamapedia. I see that this is your first post.
Do I understand that you have lost primary custody of your children?
You say "husband" but I'm confused - are you married, separated or divorced?
How old are they?
Do you live in a neighborhood that is safe for them to come and go as they please? That is a red flag for me. No child should be able to "come and go as they please" - they need rules, boundaries, guidelines.
If your lawyer allowed this to happen - sound like you need a new lawyer and one who will fight for you - not just cave.
Do you have a parenting plan in place? if so - what is it? does it provide stability for the children?
There is such a thing as being OVER SCHEDULED so if your childrens days are "filled with activities" - when do they get a chance to relax and have fun and be kids? What is stopping you from being present at their activities?
I have more questions than answers. I think you need to talk with your lawyer and find out if you two are on the same page in regards to what you want for your kids. Do you want to be the primary custodian of them or do you want them to continue to live with their father?
You stated you have counseling sessions with them. Great! Now do they participate or just sit there? Since I know nothing about you or what you have been through - it does make it hard to answer your post.
I'm sorry, but this seems very weird to me. No offense.
I've been through a divorce and know many people who have as well and co-parent.
I don't understand, "my kids don't want a schedule and neither does my ex husband".
WHAT????
You don't say how old your kids are, but if you only have Sundays for brunch on paper and the kids just do what they want the rest of the time, there's nothing to enforce other than Sunday for brunch.
If you don't present a "parenting plan" or proposed visitation schedule, how will the court know what you want? And again, not knowing how old your kids are, why are they making decisions? If they're 15, 16, 17 years old it's tougher. But, if they're young, and live so close, why can't they come to your house after school a couple of days a week and have homework with you and dinner with you?
It's hard to say if your ex has manipulated the courts. But, it certainly sounds like you have kind of gone along with it by not asking for something more specific.
I'm the custodial parent. My son lives with me. But, he goes with his dad two nights during the week and every other weekend. He is with his father on his father's birthday and on Father's Day. We alternate holidays. It's a pretty standard arrangement.
Usually the courts feel that children do best with consistent schedules and regular and consitent time with each parent.
LIke I said, if there's not a schedule that's agreed upon and on file with the courts, there's nothing to enforce.
It sounds like now, all you have is Sunday brunch.
If you want that to change, you will have to get specific and spell it out for the court. It doesn't mean you'll get everything you ask for, but if you don't ask, you might not get anything.
It's hard to say not knowing the ages of your kids.
Best of luck to you.
You do not have enough information here.
If you truly have joint custody then he cannot limit the time spent with you, you can go over anytime you want and pick them up. They cannot NOT see you, they are under court order.
My next thought is that joint custody is just that, joint. It doesn't sound like you have any real custody at all, actually, not even visitation. With joint custody you should be consulted on each activity, given a schedule of their weekly appointments, practices, games, parties, etc...if you truly had joint custody you would know where they were and who they were with nearly all day and could walk over and join them at any time, plus go to their activities along with them or take them.
If he has custody and you have liberal visitation then you must get this scheduled and on the court order.
Also, is there any reason you do not attend their activities? Why not? That is a great way of showing them love and support. They will know you care because you show up and make time for them. That is a big deal, if other parents are there and week after week you don't attend they become good witnesses for the ex hubby to say they don't know you and you are an absent parent.
How old are the kids? If they are under 12 years old they do not have a say in if you get scheduled visits or not. If they are teens then they are probably not going to visit with either parent, they will want to do stuff with their friends only...typical teen.
Talk to the counselor about this, if you are attending this in joint sessions then you are seeing them then too, that is time whether is has much freedom or not. He will argue that you have plenty of opportunity but are not taking advantage of it.
I have joint legal custody with sole physical custody with my son's dad. I PERSONALLY allow him to take him whenever he feels like it if it doesn't interfere with already set plans that I have with our son during my time with him. It doesn't sound like you have joint physical custody, otherwise half the days of the month are with you and half the days are with him. It is true that no judge will do a "come and go as you please" arrangement because it can't be easily enforced. However, my attorney and the judge said that if his father and I agree to an arrangement different from the court order, that it is fine and the court order is more for when we don't agree. My son is only 1 so it's a little different as far as activities go, but I do know that when he gets older, as a result of the joint legal custody, his father and I will have to make all the decisions in regard to them together. Then, if our son has a football game or something on the weekend that is his, then it will be his job to make sure he gets to the football game. So I guess I'm confused on your situation. If the kids have activities, why can't you take them to the activities and spend time with them then? I'm also shocked that you were kept to only one hour a week. Most judges are biased towards the women, not the men.
Can you go to their activities? I'm assuming that the activities include sports practices, and such, and often you find parents watching those. Can you set it up so you take them to some of the activities? This will at least show you are interested in their activities, and would give you time with them that way.
How old are your children?
You didn't mention the ages of the kids. If they are over twelve don't expect it to change.
If they are don't take it as meaning they don't love you are want to be around you. They just don't like the back and forth. Parenting plans are more for parents than kids.
Never seen it post a response twice. Kind of wondering if it will edit both of them or just one....interesting.
13 and 14 in nearly every case the child can choose who they live with. My oldest two did and starting next fall my younger two will probably choose to live with me full time. The only reason kids put up with going back and forth when they are younger is the court makes them.
It sounds like you have joint legal custody, with your husband having primary physical custody. If you only got Sunday brunch for court-ordered visitation, there must have been a reason (even if the reason is that that's all you asked for.) So now you need to ask for additional visitation. You need to go into your master's hearing with a clear plan for visitation, keeping in mind that you will be responsible for the kids' activities when they are with you. As long as you can do that, and as long as there are no other, negative reasons why you don't already have more visitation, I don't see any reason why the court would not order more.
I understand that your kids do not want to be on a schedule, but you and your ex are free to modify that schedule if you want, as long as you both agree. For the times you don't agree, then you default to the court order.
Good luck! I know this can be very trying. I too felt like my ex son-in-law manipulated their mediator and my daughter got shafted so I understand your trepidation.
IME with people in your situation, the kids activities remain set and both parents make sure they meet the activity schedules when they have custody on those days/times, etc.
"Joint custody" isn't the kids coming to your house for Sunday Brunch only--you should have set days/times that the kids should be at your house.
Hopefully, you can have your lawyer represent that desire in the hearing.
In my experience, w/ joint or sole custody, the parent that the child does not live with does get set visitation and an extra notation of "any other time as mutually agreeable". This allows for extra time if it works but but at least gives some guaranteed time. The activities all week and weekends do not prevent you from getting your children but rather makes you responsible fore getting them there.
Wow, i can relate to how your feeling. I'm so sorry. However, you are in a different state, I only know how CA works. My advice would be to focus on your children and their needs first. Show that in court. Get support from family, friends, church, groups, etc. Pray.
What is a master's hearing? No judge is going to let children "come and go as they please". As long as you are a fit parent and can provide adequate housing and care for your children, there is no reason why you should not have joint custody and/or much more visitation then you are now getting.
I would suggest you get a good attorney and by no means tell a judge you think your kids should come and go as they please. I'm pretty sure your attorney will advise the same and more.
Blessings...
The only thing I would suggest is asking for a copy of their schedules so you can attend as a spectator. For example if they are playing sports you go to games. It will show you are making an effort. It's hard to say. I live in NJ and my judge seems to want to divide everything right down the middle. Good luck to you.
