Custody - Buffalo, NY

Hi T.
only way he can keep those visitation days is to move in same school distric or to drive her to school.
I have a step daughter who use to visit the same days, sun- tue. once she started school we got her weekends only. her mom lived 45 min from us.

You would file for a modification of the original order (if there is one). You can get the form from http://vermontjudiciary.org/eforms/family.aspx let me know if you need to know which forms to file.

use the court system

Hi T., I have a 10 year old step daughter that we get every other weekend. Her Dad picks her up on Friday night and we take her back on Sunday by 6:00pm. She lives in PA, so every other weekend works better for everyone, but if you live closer to your husband maybe you can do every weekend. Maybe on days that she has off from school or when she is out for a week or so, you can let her father have her for a longer period of time. My 4 1/2 year old daughter has a hard time with the arrangements because she wants her sister to live with us, but she understands why her sister lives in another house. I hope this helps you, let me know how things work out for you. Take care and good luck.

T.,

Lots of parents set up their custody schedule based on what works for them and the child. Would it be possible for her Dad to take her from Friday night till Sunday night, or from Saturday morning (if he'd like a night to be free) and take her to school Monday morning?

I don't know if you live in the same town or school district, but a friend of mine used to alternate weeks, switching on Friday afternoon. One week with Mom, then one week with Dad. I'm not suggesting this, since you want her to be with you during the week, it's just an example of the variety you can find.

Do you and her father get along okay? If you do, talk to him about why you want to make the change, and focus on how you feel it will benefit your daughter. If there are issues with his schedule, work together to find something everyone can live with, and try to plan the switch with enough lead time for everyone to settle any changes to their schedules that need to be made. It's really all about cooperation, if you have an open line of communication.

If you don't get along, then you have to do what you do for everything. Go through whatever intermediary you use to communicate, expect a fight just for the sake of having one, and then go through whatever conflict resolution process is necessary, and be prepared for the possibility that you may not win.

Best of luck. This stuff is so hard on everyone.

Jess

Hi, Appeal to his sense of reason. Your and he are the ones to make these important decisions. I was a divorced mom who shared custody. If the center of all decisions and concerns are your daughter then the answer is not difficult. Is there a valid reason why he can't have his daughter on the weekends. As a para in a school I have seen it sometimes work out but it is hard. The routine is usually the dad will drop the child off at school on Monday and then pick them up again on Friday afternoon. This will mean that on every Friday night he has to call and relay what notices were sent home and what forms need to be filled out. On the whole communication has to be really open. It would be easier for your daughter if his visitation was changed to weekends. Maybe he can switch his hours. If not, and this is the only available time that he can be with her you are going to have to make certain that you have a definite schedule in place. Let her know that it won't keep changing. Coordinate with him on the new routine now that she is attending school. Ex: Homework and snack, free time, TV time, bath, bedtime story, bed. Believe me this is doable. In an age when there is a high percentage of divorced, loving parents trying to stay in their childs life we have to make accomadations. Easier is not always better. His time with her is probably precious to him and your concerns about making her secure and happy are important to you. You can work this out. Just remain calm and keep your eye on the important issue. Your daughter.

Good luck.

Ahhhhhhhhh something I know; but in my case im not married to father. We went to court and the court ordered he has weekend visits every other weekend and I have to take her there and he has to bring her back (or vise versa). They also granted him his birthday, father's day, every other holiday, and one week out of the summer. This works out till He decides she don't fit into his schedual.

First thing you have to do is talk with father, explain school is comming up for her and that you both have to get her on a different schedual. Then the both of you have to explain it to her the best you can; because if she sees you both agree on the subject she may not have a hard time with it. so now visitation would have to be from Friday to Sunday night.

Second you both have to agree on some sort of longer vist in Summer, and for holidays!

Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Gabby

well when she starts to school he should get her like on fridays thur sunday

My son's father and I have been seperated for 18 months. We have an agreement that my son gets picked up from Daycare/school on Tuesday's, Thursday's and gets dropped off at 8:30 pm, and every other Friday by his dad. When his dad picks him up on Friday's, he stays with him until Sunday night. It has worked out wonderfully (for the most part) this whole time. And we do not plan on making any changes to that.
Give it a try!! Good Luck

Have you thought about getting the dad invloved in school as well. He could drop her off and you pick her up on the days he has her. This way the school will know both parents and I'm sure will make your daughter feel more comfortable with starting school. I am a step mother to a (now 24 year old) and when she was school aged we made sure that the school knew who I was and I was involved in some school activities and I think it made the "going to school" process alot easier for her.
good luck with this....
A.. O

I would suggest switching the days, so that your girl goes to daddy's house after school friday, and comes home on sunday.

I know growing up, i had a friend who did a split week thing with his parents, but they lived in the same town. If you and your ex live in the same town, then this may be an option. she can take a bus to her dad's house on the days that she is wiht him.

Otherwise, your ex may need to drive her to school and pick her up on the days that he has her. your best course of action would be to discuss this with your ex and with your case worker.

Usually to provide stability with the child while going to school the father would have visitation from friday evenings till sunday evenings and a couple of hours an evening or two mid-week.
Some parents alternate weekends even.

it depends on how things work better for you're arrangement. talk to you're ex-husband and try to reach an arrangement if that doesn't work they have court appointed counselors that can help re-arrange things to best fit the need of the child.

Dealing with these kinds of issues are not easy at all. I also have a little girl who will be starting school in september. I have been seperated from her father for about 4 years. I am lucky I have sole custody of her. I get to make all the decisions about her school and everything else. He is supposed to take her twice a week for 8 hours at a time. He has almost never taken her more than twice a month for 4 hours each time. So I am lucky she is home with me all the time so i have no worrys. My sugestion would be to first try to talk to him(if it is safe) and try to make a comprimise with him. Mabey suggest he pick her up from school some days and have her home in time for bed. Or mabey he could take her every other weekend. It really depends on how flexible he is going to be with you. I would first try to do this outside of court. But if need be use the court system. Just make sure of one thing do all of this when your daughter isnt around. They do understand and you dont want them to see you fight. Trust me I went through it being the fact that my daughter is always with me. I have learned ways to get around it and it has helped wonders.

I am divorced parent and we work it out that my boys go with thier dad every other or sometimes every weekend and during the week they are home then during vactions from school they go with thier dad . Hopefully this will help you the best thing to do is talk with your ex husband and decide together if friday till sunday every other or every weekend will work and explain that you want your daughter home when she starts school he should understand.

N.

Don't you have a visitation schedule? If not, go back to court and request a change in visitation due to the fact your child is starting school. Most visitation schedules are Tuesday and Thursdays and every other weekend for the fathers. Ask for it and you will get it resolved.

Hi, My daughter is 9yrs old. The Custody arrangement is; 2 weeks with Mommy, and 2 weeks with Daddy every month, Alternating Holidays, etc.... We share Joint Legal and Joint Physical Custody. She is much older than your Daughter. After talking with your Ex, (hopefully you can do that) offer him Friday after School until 6pm Sunday, 3 times a Month and Dinner on Friday from 5:30-8:30 (or 4:30-7:30) Once a Month. We did this before the Divorce was Final, and I loved the Arrangement...Hopefully he will too. Make Daddy feel as if you want to work as a team for the sake of the child you share. As a matter of fact, you should be working as a team for that reason...
On the weekends he has her, Mommie should have "Play-Dates", if you know what I mean:lol

i too have gone through this situation, i simply told him she is going to go to pre-k and the visits have to change.You are going to have to do it when she starts kindergarden anyway,because she cant go to two schools or miss that much school.and no judge in the world will deprive a child of education to see a divorced parent.things have to change when they start school.

i was in the same situation 5 years ago. At the time, my ex and i were also living in different cities. We agreed that if i moved closer to him (I was renting so it was easier for me to move) my daughter would have primary residence with me and go to school in my city and he would drop her off and pick her up from school on mondays and tuesday mornings. We did it this way because my ex-husband wanted to be more than just a "weekend dad" to his daughter and I decided that was more important than arguing over where she stays for the extra day during the week.
Good Luck.