Cub Scouts Question: Is This a Little Rude - or a Lot Rude?

Long time scout leader here. My co leader and I led most meetings and outings without parent help, unless it was the type of activity that required extra help or supervision. But we never had more than 7 or 8 boys at a time. If you have a large group and need parents to stay and help you need to state that up front.
Besides, many parents just get in the way, chat with each other and their kids are overall more difficult when they are there. The boys should be able to function and listen to their leaders without mom and dad there all the time. Scouting is about building skills and independence, it's not a birthday party.

No it's not rude. You organized an activity for the scouts the mom is not a scout the son is. If it's a parent required activity just send her a text and say parents need to stay for this. The kids will come or not.

My son is not a cub scout. However, my daughter was a girl scout for a little while and it was a drop off/pick up program. She is most likely unaware.

Parents never stayed. Den leader and co leader ran things. Having parents made it too chaotic.

Two boys, two girls, all four scouts. NEVER have I been required to attend their meetings or outings.

So no, she isn't out of line. That is the norm. If you want something different you need to be clear.

coughPamcough, just because this mom, who doesn't claim to be a leader thinks parents are required at all events doesn't make it so so you are assuming things yourself. Considering this was not a data driven assumption extrapolate isn't the proper word by the way.

Wow, these responses are crazy! Not participating in my kids activities!! I was the freaking leader most years!! Just because I say parents don't stay doesn't mean I wasn't involved. Perhaps this is why some people are reading a lot into the OP that just isn't there, they don't want to lead but they sure want to be there acting like they are involved. I am sure glad our troops didn't allow parents unless they were actually active. I was never required, no one was, but I guess that is why they call it volunteering?

OP, clearly you are active but considering what scouting is supposed to teach I can't imagine having a bunch of parents there micromanaging their kids. Seems counterproductive.

How old are the kids? I know as tiger cubs (first grade), parents are supposed to be at every event. However, after that, many things are drop off, at least where we live. If your group requires all parents to be there though, you simply need to say something to her about it.

Consider the possibility that she has arranged with another parent to be in charge of her child for the day, but she's asking you about pick up time since you're organizing the event.

Anyway, simply email her back and say "The event is going to end at 6:00. Our den requires an adult be present for each child. Do you have someone who will be responsible for your son since you can't be there?"

It definitely isn't a lot rude. I'm not really sure that it's even a little rude. She could have phrased it better, but unless the boys are first graders, I don't think every single event has to have one parent per child.

I don't think it's rude at all. Just clarify that this is not a drop off event and that a parent is to attend. Suggest that if she can't attend, she arrange for another den parent to chaperone her child so that someone is responsible for him.

Maybe as the more experienced parent she understands that perhaps the "rules" aren't always followed to the letter. FWIW, one of the reasons that my kids don't to scouting is the ridiculous need for parents to go to everything.

@ Michelle G isn't the scout's motto "be prepared"? How does having mom or dad hover at a meeting help with that? It's an activity for the kids. I would no more expect to be *required* (or even welcome) at meeting for scouting than I would expect to have to hang around for a sports practice, music lesson or Sunday school. I teach Sunday school and my husband coaches soccer and hockey and having parents around would be counterproductive.

It's not rude at all. There are often times when my husband and I are shuttling other kids around, so we have to leave one at one place until we can get back. It's the nature of parenting. I think if you wanted parents to stay, you should have stated it. Honestly, one extra kid won't make this event extremely difficult for you (I'm assuming), so I'd tell her what time to pick him up. In the future, clearly state on the email with information what is expected of the parents.

when my daughter was in girl scouts, I never stayed for her events. It was usually only the troop leaders that stayed. No other parents ever stayed. I think if you want the parents to stay, then you need to tell them. I don't think it's expected.

If scout event always require a parent, then yes, pretty rude. Why would this be different? Doesn't make sense... Our scouts often don't require an adult so I typically ask if it's not clear but in my case, I can see someone assuming not. But best not to waste time being annoyed. Just write back that "as usual for cub scount events, a parent needs to stay." And think to yourself "ha!" :) And in fairness, if this is a venue, maybe she thought the venue was providing supervision...

ETA: people need to read that a parent is always required for every other event, not extrapolate their experience that this mom shouldn't know their troop's typical operating procedure. But I don't feel "SHAME ON ME" for not participating in every scout event! Our room does not have room for all the parents!

Do you mean that every cub scout has to have a parent with them for events? How does that foster independence? Where I am from cub scouts is for boys 8-10 years of age and not the parents. Maybe she thinks her child is mature enough to handle an outing without her?

I agree that the mom is probably unaware of the expectation. I would reply that it's not a drop off/pick-up situation, and that each scout needs a parent to stay at the event.

In our pack, the parents are expected to stay at every den meeting, every pack night, and every outing. It's just an understanding that we have.

If you're the den leader, maybe send an email out to the whole group reminding everyone that scout outings are always for the scout and a parent partner.

In our area the parents are expected to be with a child for cub scouts. I would think someone can coordinate with another parent as a favor.

If you know her you might be able to determine better than us if she is clueless vs. taking advantage.

On the positive ,at least she wrote this info instead of you being stuck babysitting the day of the event with her peeling out of the driveway.

My son is a Tiger Scout, so I'm very new to Cub Scouts. I know that in Tiger Scouts every Cub is required to be accompanied by their "Adult Partner," but I was under the impression that in Wolf Scouts that was no longer the case. Am I wrong? Will I be attending everything again next year?

I noticed a lot of mom with Girl Scouting experience answered. I was in Girl Scouts until I was 18 and then later served as a leader. I really didn't know much about Cub Scouts, so I was in for a bit of a shock when I realized just how big a role the parent(s) play. So different from Girl Scouts!!! One of the moms in our den was looking at Daisies for her daughter and could not believe the difference!

Sorry, long winded. I just thought that after they finished Tiger Cubs it wasn't necessary to have every Cub paired up with an adult. Our Day Camp said up to 4 Cubs per adult. Is that not the case with your outing?

Unless they are tigers, I don't think she's out of line - I think you are.

Only tiger parents are required to stay. As an experienced scout mom, she would know that's the rule. Our kids are bears and we don't require parents to go - in fact, my husband and I are den leaders and we aren't going to an event we organized this weekend because we have a prior commitment (and the venue rescheduled to a date we couldn't make), so we have another family taking him. How she announced was the only part I think might be considered rude - I would prefer someone double check it's okay rather than just announcing it - but she's not violating any scout rules, so why would she?

When the PTO plans an event like a movie or game night, we include a simple statement on the invitation/info sheet along the lines of it being a Family Activity and that children must be accompanied by a parent or other responsible adult. Not all events require an adult though, so it must be specified in the event details.

Respond kindly to her - apologize for the confusion and state that this event requires a parent to attend with the child. You should also send a follow-up email to everyone you invited, so they are also informed.

I think you need to specify what the "rules" are. If you expect parents to stay, it should be clearly stated in the event announcement. I've received plenty of email for my dd's events that say: "A parent must stay and be present for the event"

Otherwise, I would expect that many parents might assume there is adult supervision there and they don't have to stay.

Since when is a scout parent required at each event? Is that a pack/den thing? For us, a parent is only required when they are tiger scouts (first grade).

When you say "a scout parent is required at each event" do you mean that every single child must have one of his parents present? Is that the official policy? If so,you need to remind her: "Sorry but as with every other Cub Scout event, every child must have one parent present." Because this is outside the normal meeting time/place she and other parents may just assume that the normal parent-per-child rule (if there is one) do not apply.
Did you tell them that they need to be there, when you informed them about the event? That's key information that should have been in the e-mail detailing the event.

If it wasn't made clear by you...you need to do so in writing, now, or you may find on the day that other parents won't ask like this one did; they may just drop off their sons and leave before you even catch them. Not because they are rude but because they were not told they had to stay. You note that this is "extracurricular" so it's outside the normal meeting time and place and if you don't tell them explicitly that they must stay, you can't hold them responsible for dropping off. Yes, any parent really should CHECK with you but some just will not.

In Girl Scouts and other groups, having a parent per child would create groups so large that some venues would balk. If you have 12 kids show up with a parent each, that's 24 people crammed in a venue, plus any additional leaders, plus the people providing the event for your den. Is there any real reason there must be a parent there for every child?

Probably more clueless than rude. Reply back that because this is an optional event, and for liability reasons, one parent or guardian must be present.

My boys are 8 and 11 and get dropped off at soccer practice every day. Sometimes I hang around and sometimes I don't.
If she is not needed at this "event" then I guess I don't see the issue.
My mom was a scout leader, my dad the den leader, and the parents rarely stayed for scout meetings.
L.

Wow. I love the responses from Mom's who say they NEVER attended the Scouting meetings. Scouting is meant to be a fun and educational group but not a babysitting service. I have to say that we have those parents that I wouldn't even recognize for our Boy Scout Troop, but those boys are 6th grade and older.

Shame on those of you that do not participate in your child's activities!!

M

how old are the kids?
did you make it clear in the invitational email what your expectation of the parents was?
khairete
S.

Cub Scouts are never dump-n-run. She was rude in her assumption. Just plainly state she will need to stay throughout the event and remind her that the event is optional.

You have to specify if it is drop off or parents stay. If you didnt tell the psrents...they might assume either way...i have to stay with my tiger cub. But next year.i can drop off..

She must've mistaken your email as an invitation? Probably easy mistake.
Is it that big of a deal to have a couple kids under your care?
I'm all for efficiency so I just don't get why this is a big deal but then again we've never done scouts.

My girls are in Girl Scouts, and most of our events are drop-off, where the troop leader supervises. As a parent, you could attend if you really wanted to (or if it's far away from your house, where going home in the interim would be impractical), but my daughters generally want me to get lost. ;) Maybe Cub Scouts is different, though. I would just tell her that she needs to stay, if she does.

In our cub scouts group no child was allowed without a parent or other adult, you could not just drop off. I would tell her the same, no drop offs. When my husband was leader we had to enforce it with some parents, we even had one family stop coming when they found out they could not just use us as an hour of free babysitting.

She is probably not trying to be rude...she just doesn't understand that cub scouts isn't something you drop your kid off for. I can see myself making that kind of mistake.

I don't stay with my kid at scouts, don't know many moms that do...unless they're a volunteer. I can't imagine all the moms sitting waiting for the kids to get done.

Really, do your parents regularly drop the boys off and leave.

Is she a brand new mom? Then she needs to learn, give her a manual. If she's a regular mom then why doesn't she already know this? Is it normal for parents to not attend the meeting? Why isn't she aware of your rule?

Next time you'll know to put a disclaimer on the invitation/announcement of the event that at least one parent is expected to attend each and every activity regardless of where it is or what it is.

In our cub scout troop the leader brings most of the kids to the church after school, they meet at 4pm once per week then with the other groups when it's appropriate. She has one assistant that meets with her. If any parents wanted to come they can, I'm sure she'd enjoy the help. She likes having no parents there though because the kids look to her as the authority figure and she only needs to give the "mom" look and the mind. It works very well for our group.

Most of the parents work and can't be there anyway. The big troop meetings are on Thursday evenings and all the parents attend that. Field trips? I guess we've all tagged along when needed. All she has to do is ask us if we'd be willing to volunteer.

Not rude at all to me. She wanted clarification.

Additionally, when I seek clarification but would like for the response to lean in a certain direction, I might use similar wording to hers and not even mention the undesired option. That way, if you really meant it, then YOU could point it out. I wouldn't want to be responsible for your aha! moment--"Oh, yeah, I didn't even think about having ALL the parents there."

I think I may have responded with:
"If you can't stay with him when you bring him then I'm afraid you should not bring him at all. I hope you can attend because we'll all miss Billy a lot if he and you can not make it."

I'm getting a grump vibe. If she rarely (or never) does this type of thing, give her the benefit of the doubt. Call her and mention that the event is optional and that, like all cub scout events, a parent is required to attend with their child. Just say I'm so sorry but Phillip won't be able to attend if he doesn't have an adult with him.

All of my daughters daisy events were drop off, the question is reasonable in our troop.

If she has the scouting experience than it does sound out of character. I would just politely send an email back letting her know that she or her husband should attend.

Before my daughter joined Daisy Scouts, a friend told me that the meetings were drop and go. So I didn't attend most meetings. Neither did a lot of other parents. I eventually realized what events I was expected to attend. I think some of us moms are not sure especially when we are new to an organization. In this case, this mom should know.

I would say that if it's a common happening then it's really rude. If this is a "one time" thing then I would let it go.

Things happen and sometimes they happen all at the same time. She may not be using this event like a babysitter, she may not have much of a choice in "drop off and pick up". As long as it doesn't become a common happening and that he's not there WAY past the event is over just waiting, I see no problem.

Enjoy your event.

I agree she probably just doesn't think it's a big deal to drop off her son...she may want him to attend but can't make it herself due to another obligation. A nicer way for her to word her email could have been, "would you mind looking after my son, I can't make it."