I am sick of listening to my son cry himself to sleep every night. We pretty much had it down to about 10 minutes last week and this week it is as if we started again at square one with a bed time. UGH, We have been working on him going to sleep for 2 months now and I am over it! I realize that any number of things could have caused this... maybe new teeth are on their way again, having my brother visit, the ongoing battle to get his bedtime an hour earlier (although we've been doing it in excruciatingly small increments.) Tonight he screamed for 35 minutes before I went in because I could tell he was near to making himself sick. My son will be six months old this week and has never stuck with any sleep pattern for more than a couple of weeks in his life. This includes time, duration or even acceptance of a bedtime ritual (this is the most evil one - the same things do not make him sleepy and if I try to read him a story after dark he throws a fit because he knows it might be bedtime). He has two consistencies with sleep 1.) He will not sleep until we are both home no matter how late it is. and 2.) He will sleep when he is ready and not before. This whole thing has me beatdown. I can't make plans or appointments more than a couple of days in advance because his sleep is forever in flux but worse is crying every freaking night! You are tired, you napped, you ate, you are clean, play in bed by yourself if you want but I am done for the day, figure yourself out and NO MORE CRYING!
Yes, I have been to the pediatrician. He is healthy, no indigestion, reflux, ear aches, etc. BTW, he doesn't scream in fear he is PO'd and lets the neighborhood know. When I or my husband pick him up he stops crying and smiles even if he has been at it for more than an hour. We have done night parenting, Babywise, happiest baby, some 90 minute sleep theory, and a modified CIO per our pediatrician. Now what?
Thank you for all your ideas and encouragement. What I have come to realize is that my son is not exactly the baby any of these books are talking about. He does sometimes sleep through the night, I don't need him to sleep for more than four hours at a go if I can feed him and put him back down for another couple, I just need him to go to sleep at a humane time. He does not go to sleep of his own accord before 3AM. My husband is up at 6:30 and doesn't need the screaming in the 2 o'clock hour because he usually trying to help me until midnight. We both work full time and neither of us have jobs with set schedules. Sometimes he naps and other times he doesn't He usually only naps twice but there are weeks were he will not sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time on a nap.
As a result of all this non-sleeping he acts like an older child. He turns the lights off for me when I leave the room, does not roll or twist when I tell him to 'hold still' or if he doesn't have a diaper on. He says Mama and Daddy, zooms around the house in his walker and crawls faster than I can. He stacks his blocks and pulls around their cart, gives kisses and is learning to float. He first rolled over on his own at 3 weeks and was soon very good at it. Anyway, he is not much of a cuddler and likes to nap in the middle of Mommy and Daddy's bed all by himself...but then I can't leave him because he will go for the edge. This kid!
You've read a lot of books but you might want to try Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. It worked for me and my twins.
Good Luck,
Steph
I feel your pain. My oldest son was not a good napper at all! He also did not sleep through the night (consistently) until he was 2 years old. Really the only part of his sleep schedule that was predictable was that he didn't seem to have one and I could predict with absolute certainty that I had no idea how long he would sleep or when we would sleep again!
Take a deep breath! This too shall pass! He will sleep again. He will sleep through the night one day. I know it's tough.
If he is crying, he needs something. Babies do not cry to manipulate. They have no other way of letting you know that they need something. That something might be you! Just as babies have physical needs like food, shelter, sleep, warmth, they also have emotional needs like love and security. Babies can get scared and need comfort. Many babies need the warmth of a parent when they sleep.
Most babies and toddlers need to be "parented to sleep" as the Sears call it. The Sears family is a family of pediatricians who have written several wonderful books. But you're probably pretty tired of books right now. I suggest watching "The Doctors." Jim Sears is one of the doctors, and they talk about kids and pediatrics quite a bit.
Rocking, nursing, cuddling to sleep is great at this age. I often co-slept so that my son knew I was right there if he needed me. Worked for us, and I got so much more sleep this way. Don't worry about setting bad habits at this age. As you have found, there really is no such thing as a predictable pattern at this age. As he gets closer to 2, you can be a little more strict about bedtimes and such.
Hang in there! His behavior is completely normal. That doesn't make it easy, but just knowing that should bring you some comfort.
I wish every parent had the opportunity to take a class in child development before they delivered. It would help prevent parents from thinking the kid is manipulative or trying to make their life miserable. Babies are intellectually and physically incapable of such adult thought. Parenting is hard at every stage but especially the first 18 months because babies have needs but no way to effectively communicate them. Please check this link to learn more about your child at each stage: http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/normaldev.... Your baby is doing what he should be doing when he stops crying when you pick him up. It's important at this stage that you meet his needs to help him learn to trust you. He must learn to trust you, his parents, or his ability to form healthy attachment and relationships with others will be hindered. Contrary to what books say, not every baby can put himself to sleep lying in a crib. Some need to be rocked/held/soothed to sleep. This stage won't last forever--I promise. Please put the books back on the shelf and start enjoying your baby.
I know how tired you must feel for I have 3 children ages 6,3, and 18 months. I have slept through the night 1 time in 3 1/2 yrs. My youngest 2 were up 2-4 times each last night. Parenting is a 24/7 job with no vacation or holidays. Having a baby changes your life---forever!
As a fellow mother of a 6 month old (on the 5th), I am really really surprised that you think he is trying to "trick" you...or that you think he knows as soon as you read to him that it's bedtime.
Listen, how is he during the day? Is he taking regular naps? Sleep begets sleep. If he is doing well during the day with naps and such then maybe you are just trying to put him to bed too early! If you had your choice between putting him to bed at 9pm...and things go smoothly....or putting him to bed at 8pm and it's a battle...which one sounds better??
You can't be "done for the day" and expect your almost 6 month old to "figure yourself out". He needs you for that. I get that you are tired. I just feel so bad for your baby. Crying for an hour, obviously his mama is tired of him.....poor kid.
I say, stop trying to make him cry it out. Cuddle him, rock him, nurse him, bottle feed him, whatever you need to do so that he is feeling LOVED. You're right....he will sleep when he is ready. NOT when you are ready.
L.
He is way tooo young! He needs you to comfort him!
Enjoy your time with him, cuddle him! Listen to your mommy instincts!
You can try the "modified" CIO when he is a toddler. He is still an infant and needs mommy!
Your baby is a baby! He wants his mom and dad to comfort him and you should. Rock him, snuggle him, cuddle him -- just don't abandon him to "figure it out for yourself!" at this age. "When I or my husband pick him up he stops crying and smiles even if he has been at it for more than an hour." Your baby is telling you what he needs -- I would listen to him. Read Dr Sears if you need more information about why your child developmentally needs you to be there for him now. But frankly, you don't have to read a book to tell you what he needs -- he's saying it loud and clear.
He's only this age once .
I would let him cry for 10 min and then go in and attend to his needs. Maybe he isn't tired then and needs to play around for a little more or is hungry. Maybe you are putting him to bed too early. It may be too early for you (mine is 10 mos), but my son started sleeping better when I stopped letting him nap so long in the day. I try to keep each to around 1 1/2 hours. He was napping for 2 1/2 hours at a time and he simply wasn't tired at night. It took going on vacation and having his naps interrupted for me to figure that one out. (some books say that sleep begets more sleep, but that wasn't true for mine).
He could be teething too. When you pick them up, it can distract them from the discomfort. When they lay down, it can increase the pressure in their teeth. Try not to be angry at him. He could be picking up on your emotions too. And CIO doesn't work for all. It did for my first, but not for my second.
I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a rough place with sleep right now. It may not be any consolation to you, but my twins are 19 months old now and still require a lot of help from Mom and Dad to get to sleep and go back to sleep.
I have fought against this at different points in their lives. Usually I just end up getting more and more frustrated as the days/weeks go on until I finally give up the expectation that my babies ought to be going to sleep on their own, or sleeping through the night. That baby does exist, but it is not the norm and it is not my children.
I suggest that your now what is Acceptance. Your baby is still quite young and obviously very attached to you. This is a blessing! You need to find a workable balance between his needs for closeness and your needs for adult time. Perhaps he'd be happy to rock with you while you read a book or listen to some music for 45 minutes to an hour. For a while, our boys would fall asleep if we held them while dancing around the room.
Our bedtime routine has changed considerably over the months because their needs have changed. Usually things will be easy for a while and then suddenly we'll have three or four nights in a row where it takes 1.5+ hours to get them to sleep. That generally means they're working on some new milestone, a tooth or that we need to move their bedtime a bit later.
I know it's cliche, but you really do need to remember that this is a short time in his life. He'll be grown and doing it all on his own soon enough. Good luck!
Not to be rude, but your post is a bit harsh. When I started reading it I thought that your son was a toddler. He is only 6 months and you are expecting him to meet your needs. He is too young!!!
I have three boys 5, 3, and 1. My first would never let him put him down in the crib. I tried everything with him and he would have a meltdown everytime. I tried laying him down awake, asleep, or slightly asleep. I tried sitting on a chair near the crib and moving it away slightly everynight. I tried sleeping on the floor. I tried lights on or off....I am not kidding, when I say I tried everything. My ped would say put ear plugs on and let him cry it out...but it never worked. The longest I let him go was a little over an hour....and what was I doing the entire time? Laying awake waiting for him to stop. It was awful. There was no end to the crying. It turned out that he hated the crib. he did not want anything to do with it. I finally gave up and let him sleep with us. He began falling asleep easier when I moved him to a full size bed at 18 months. The best thing that happened to us. He has never been a good sleeper but having his own big bed helped. He needs to have a full day and be exhausted to fall asleep easily. My other two boys were totally different. My second liked his crib, and so does my one year old. Both started sleeping in the crib at 6 months. I always held all three boys until they were almost asleep or asleep before putting them in the crib. If they were awake I would place my hand on their back or tummy for a few minutes and then walk away. It never worked on my oldest, but my other two would be fine. Sometimes they would cry for a few minutes and then go to sleep.
I think your son is too young for your expectations.
I also think that every child is different and you are going to have to figure out what works for your little boy.
I understand that it is exhausting, but you need to have patience. It will pass. He needs you to snuggle and cuddle with him. Enjoy the moment, because they are not going to let you snuggle with them for long...
Your baby is only six months old! There won't be a long, consistent pattern to ANYTHING in his life for quite awhile. I can recommend Pantley's book The No Cry Sleep Solution. I think she has a section for 6 months and under and one for older. Before 6 months, you need to work WITH your baby, not make your baby fit into your adult expectations. I just want to encourage patience and understanding here.
Well my first question is are you breastfeeding? If you are, maybe he needs to nurse more to soothe to sleep? My son did a similar thing with crying and I found that nursing him to sleep worked well. They are so young for such a short amount of time, I felt like it that's what he needed, he would get it. If he isn't breastfed, maybe he is scared of the dark? What about playing some relaxing music? My son is almost 3 and still listens to music all night long (very low volume). He is a little young to have a blankie in his crib, but what about a small favorite toy? Since you said he stops as soon as he is picked up, its sounds like he just needs to know that mommy and daddy "hear" him and will comfort him. I feel your pain, my son didn't sleep through the night until he was 15 months old. Good luck!
As most everyone else has said... he is a BABY and he has basic needs. He's not manipulative, he's not trying to trick you... he wants you (or daddy.) He spent 9 months in the womb, surrounded by you... soft noises, soft lighting here and there, and the warmth of mommy. He was awake when he needed to be awake and asleep when he needed to sleep in the womb... you can't just change that overnight.
Plus, you've tried 5 different techniques to try to conform your almost-6-month-old baby to your expectations. For most of his life, you've been inconsistent. (Sorry if it sounds harsh... it's not meant to be... just an observation.)
He's going through growth spurts every few weeks right now, which changes not only his body but also everything throughout the day... and night. Of course nothing works for more than a few weeks. He's not trying to change things on purpose, nature is taking care of that for him.
With my kids, I cuddled them all to sleep. It worked for me and my husband. I don't believe in the CIO strategy, and I didn't read any books on how to get babies to fall asleep. I wanted to do what I felt was natural for me, and that was to cuddle with them until they fell asleep. My oldest (who is now 8) I cuddled with for the longest- until she was 18 months old. Then I spent months on putting her down in her crib awake when she was consistently falling asleep at a certain time and slowly working myself out of her room. Now she gets tired at 8 and will go to bed on her own, then falls asleep almost immediately. My other 2 were different, but I still cuddled with them... they are now 5 and 3 and go to bed very willingly at bedtime.
And I'm definitely not an expert in early child development, but I am an expert on my 3 kids and what worked with them. I learned that I had to go with the flow... I learned that once I thought I had figured things out then the things changed on me! LOL I learned that I'm glad I took the time to cuddle with them early, 'cause it wasn't very long before they didn't need me to fall asleep.
ooh boy!!! you have your hands full!!! Is he a red head?! LOL!!
At six months he already knows how to manipulate you!! WOW!! An early starter!!! he knows that if he screams long and loud enough - you will come in...
At this point I would NOT try putting him to bed earlier - you ARE changing his routine EVEN MY FRACTION OF TIME - you are changing it...get the routine down and established...let it happen for a few months - not a few days or weeks - MONTHS - I know it sounds like forever, I know..but you have to establish control, rules and boundaries.....when you got his routine down - YOU are the parent, YOU are in control - then you start making the small changes....
If he fights routine at this early age - I'm kinda stuck...in order to have a "routine" established - you HAVE to do it for more than two weeks to make it consistent.
With my daughter - at 8 weeks she was sleeping the night through and could sleep through everything.....her "bed time" was 9 PM and she would sleep until 6AM...
My oldest son was sleeping the night through at 6 weeks and would only wake up if he had an issue....we put him down at 10PM and he would sleep until 6AM..
My youngest son didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old...it took getting tubes in his ears to help him...once he got the tubes - he went to bed at 10 or 11 - and could sleep until 9AM...right now? he's 9 and can sleep from 11PM to 10 AM - yeah - I know...just like his daddy...
However, with all of them - we had a routine, bath, brush (teeth & hair), book, boob/bottle, bed. We didn't change it and we didn't allow them to set our life. I know that sounds harsh but kids will be spending their entire life adapting to change, etc. so we set the rules...
Does he need a radio on?
Does he need white noise?
what time is his bedtime?
If at six months he's getting two naps in a day and fights bed then he may only need one nap a day.
I wish you luck!! it WILL get better!!
I have found with both my babies is that their sleep isn't really solidified until about 6 mos. For both of mine, they were better able to go to sleep on their own once they could roll over to their tummies. I am not sure if it's developmental or what.
My first baby was very colicky, so crying was a way of life and CIO was our only option. My second baby was better, but took longer to get a solid sleep schedule. For both, I found the information in "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" to be most beneficial. It really helps to understand the physiological aspects of infant sleep. Might be worth a read.
Is he taking at least two naps a day? He should be if not he is likely over tired which will make it harder for him.
What time are you putting him down? My son's bedtime at that age was the same as ours - 11-11:30 pm. He fell right asleep after his last feeding. If he only falls asleep when he is ready - maybe he's not ready.
Have you tried working around/on his schedule? For us that was wake (screaming as if starved), feed, change diaper, play, sleep. Repeat q 3 hours until about 11p or so, sleep 6-8 hours, wake, repeat. We did NOT 'put him down' except at night - he slept wherever he was, whenever he was tired. This worked for us (we both work FT and DH started daycare at 9 weeks) because he could either have his first feeding at home or at daycare depending upon when he woke that day.
Have you tried putting the crib in your bedroom? It may work. And it does NOT condemn you to having a teenager still sleeping in your room in 15 years.
