Crying It Out - at Bed Time

I never did let my son CIO, I just love him too much and I had no heart to let him do that. We did try other methods and none of them worked for us. It was about 1 year sleep deprived parents and a child, lots of sleepless nights and effort, lots of posting, books and Internet researches, it was 1 year long nightmare. We end up co-sleeping and we still do and everybody is happy and gets a good night sleep. And I do enjoy every minute of that closiness because I know it won't last for long. My son already wants to give me the "good-bye" hug and kis before we leave the house. Good luck!

Yes, I let my first baby cry it out. My second baby weened himself off the 3am feeding.

I let it go as long as it took. The first night, it was about 10 minutes, the second night, it took MUCH longer since she realized what was happening, the third night it was a wimper, and from then on out, she slept through the night. My daughter is now 9 and is still a great sleeper.

I've never let my children Cry it out.

Here are the reasons why:
1. I was working as a travelling sales rep until May, 2009. I drove 100-200 miles/day and couldn't afford not to get a good night's rest for fear of not being safe on the road.
2. When my daughter was 10 weeks old, I was diagnosed with cancer and went through 5 months of chemo. I didn't have the energy to do much of anything, and needed to do what we could to survive the ordeal.

I have friends who have used it, but they don't have kids who sleep any better or any worse than mine do. We've asked our pediatrician, and he says some kids are better sleepers than others, it all depends on their circadian rhythms (no matter how much we want to change them for our convenience).

We usually wait to see if the cry goes away on its own (sometimes our daughter loses her pacifier and just needs help finding it). If it repeats after a few minutes, we usually get them to settle them down and put them back in their crib/bed.

My advice: do what's best for you.
I don't mind spoiling my kids by holding them. I am a pretty strict parent on other things, but cancer taught me that I can't let them know that I love them enough each day (even if it is spoiling them with affection at night)

Not sure why you're asking if you already know what you want to do, but for informations sake:

No, I've never let either of my kids CIO and I have no plans of letting them.

I do not run to pick up my kids as soon as they start to cry but I am responsive to them. My oldest is 2.5 and hasn't had a tantrum yet while my youngest is 5 months and depends on me completely. I know I'm doing the right things for my kids.

Hi C.,

No, we didn't let our baby cry it out. He's 2.5 and we still respond with warmth and empathy. Interestingly enough, he doesn't go on crying jags or throw temper tantrums to get his way...he doesn't see crying as a way to manipulate, probably because he knows that we will still be consistent about whatever we say no too while acknowledging that he's sad.

As a nanny I was asked to do CIO with babies whose families were "Ferberizing". It was heartbreakingly apparent that a 6 week old child screaming their little heads off didn't need isolation and deprivation, but to be held, soothed and loved.

Brain science now shows us the deleterious affects of the stress hormone, cortisol, on the brain. For children who are left alone to cry regularly, the cortisol can actually damage the brain. This is why our instinct as parents is to pick up our children. I'm not saying a little bit of CIO is going to cause loads of brain damage, but if you see the relationship between child neglect and learning disabilities, it's something to consider seriously. ("The Science of Parenting" by Margo Sunderland has more to offer on this.)

Lastly, it teaches a child to learn that their caregivers will not come when they need it. I don't want to teach my child that I am undependable, and Fend For Yourself isn't an age-appropriate message. Ferber was disgusted and saddened that this approach is the new norm: it was intended for *real* sleep problems, not to be a tool for self-focused parents to "correct" their baby's necessary wakings for food and comfort. Long answer, but there you have it.

It would be interesting to see a follow-up comment from you, C., as your own opinion. Even if we don't agree, I think it's an interesting question. Hope we can all be polite.;)

I could never endure letting my daughter, or my grandson, cry for more than a minute. (Light fussing was a different story; I could take a few minutes to check on that.) Seems to me that if that cry is so heart-wrenching, nature designed it that way because that's how babies get their natural and legitimate needs met.

I do have sympathy for moms who have to toughen themselves up and allow some crying. But I always figured that it was my choice whether or not to become a mom, and the baby shouldn't have to suffer because I feel tired or pressured.

Recent research also strongly suggests that CIO can result in physical and emotional problems for the child.

From day 1 we put our son to bed awake and allowed him to fall asleep on his own. We would cuddle and snuggle before bedtime but not enough to make him fall asleep in our arms. Because of that we never really had to deal with a crying child in bed. Falling asleep on his own was normal for him and he never had to adjust to a change from us rocking him to sleep to learing to self soothe. He slept through the night at 6 weeks old and now he is 3 and goes to bed without a problem and falls asleep quickly. My sister did the same thing with her 3 kids and they all slept through the night around 6-8 weeks and have good sleep habits now as school age children.

Here is some information I found regarding the cortisol connection:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4263379&page=1

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

There are so many methods of "Cry It Out". My son "cried it out" at age 9 months. The first time he cried for 30 minutes. The next time he cried for 5. The next time he just went to sleep. Every book I read said that you should not let a child under 6 months of age cry it out. However, when I had my daughter, I wouldn't be able to get to her as fast as I wanted (5 minutes - because of taking care of my son) that she would self sooth on her own younger than 6 months. I'm confused why you are asking, but if you want more info, I'd be happy to share how I did it. I don't think "cry it out" really describes what a lot of people mean when they say that. I checked on my son after 5 minutes and reassured him (without picking him up). 10 minutes after that. 15 minutes after that. Anyway, let me know if you want more info.

This is my story about letting my son CIO. When my son would wake up throughout the night I would nurse him, but it rarely made him sleepy, usually it just recharged his battery and he wanted to play! So we got really serious about trying to figure out how to get some sleep in our family. First, we established a very strict bedtime routine--cereal, bath, naked-time, nursing, rocking, bedtime. It got so he would fall asleep pretty easily while rocking at bedtime, but was still up constantly throughout the night, most the time for at least an hour or two (his record was wanting to hang out from 12am-5am...five hours of rocking!) many, many nights I was unable to go back to sleep between his wake-up calls. My husband and I took turns getting up with him, but even still I was laying there wide awake and pretty miserable. This is what helped us. First, I quit co-sleeping. It just wasn't working for me--my back hurt, I would lay in weird angles just praying that the pop of my hip wouldn't start the whole cycle over again! We actually moved our son to his crib, in his own room when he was about 4 1/2 months old. We both actually started sleeping a little better--turns out he's not really cut out for co-sleeping either. Finally, we let him cry himself to sleep and it worked like a charm for us. We did not intend to do this--but after his night where he was up from 12-5 and we both were up at 6:30 the next day we were just completely exhausted. The next night we put him to bed at 8:00 as usual and then both fell asleep too. When he woke up for the first time (probably about 10) we both were so tired we couldn't get out of bed and fell back asleep with him crying--this is so unusual--we are both light sleepers and both were opposed to crying it out. We don't know how long he cried for, but I woke up about 45 minutes later to quiet. The next thing I knew it was morning! He had slept all night! We did it the next night too we put a video in our computer laid in bed and felt like we were going to go to hell, until he fell asleep in 25 minutes. That was it after that it's like he's a different kid and we're different parents. I think a couple of full nights of sleep made me realize that a sleep deprived mom who is full of anxiety is worst than a baby crying itself to sleep. After two nights everything changed for us, he started routinely sleeping through the night, he's 2 1/2 years old now and when he cries at night I let it go for about 4 minutes and if he's still upset we know he needs us. He also started taking real naps after this too. I think his little body wasn't letting him get through his first sleep cycle. It really was an amazing transformation in him, he used to be a pretty happy baby, but would get so fussy a times, once he started sleeping he became just a completely joyful kid almost all the time. All I know is that my husband and I ended up trying something that we were opposed to and it has been the best thing for our marriage, my mental health and I think for my son too! For me once my son started sleeping I could relax enough at night to sleep too. I wish that there wasn't so much guilt surrounding CIO because for some children it is the only way to get them to sleep--we know, we tried just about every book and every piece of advice we could get our hands on and just felt like we were constantly failing. It's funny--our son still doesn't get sleepy, when he gets "tired" he starts running around more and more frantically until he's running into things--but he really doesn't seem/look tired. I look it him when he's like this and think--it's no wonder we couldn't figure out your "sleep cues" as a baby because they are totally weird!

I tried to let my oldest son cry it out for a few nights and did it longer each night but it did not work. We lived in a condo as well so I didn't want to keep up my neighbors. I would go in and hold him or if he was in a big bed I would lay down with him. My sister- in-law who was involved in the la lache group said they are crying because they need something or are scared and it won't last all of their lives.
I believe it is up to the parents situation and if they can tolerate letting them cry it out. I couldn't handle it but it is different for everyone.

S.

I am/was firmly against CIO until my 9month old WOULD NOT SLEEP FOR ANYTHING. He woke up every 1 1/2 hours screaming. The pediatrician suggested letting him cry for a few minutes. We did it one night, he cried for about 10 minutes, slept 12 hours. THe next night cried for 3 minutes, slept 12 hours. He was overtired and his sleep cycle was being interupted so he was waking up. He also wanted to nurse non-stop, so I think perhaps a growth spurt maybe? Anyway, we decided he was old enough to handle a bit of it and it also helped get rid of some of the tantrums we were seeing. I don't advocate it from a super young age, but now that he's a bit older it's effective and he can now fall asleep in his own bed when we put him down mostly asleep. I don't think it's ok younger than 6 or 7 months, at least not for our kid.

I let her CIO sometimes. I picked my battles.
If I put her in her crib and she cried I never went to get her while she was still crying... never never never... that would just reinforcs that if she cries I will go and get her.
When she got tired she would quit. Most of the time it was on and off thing, could last 30 minutes. Didn't really time it.
It didn't take long to break her. After a few good long cries and she knew she wasn't gonna get picked up and get her way, then when I put her in she automatically laid down, and either went to sleep or played peacefully with her toys. I never had any trouble out of her once I bit my tongue and road it out.
Hope that helps.

I don't think I've done the official CIO method, but I have certainly let my son (now 10 months old) cry it out a bit. I usually give him a bottle and rock him at bedtime, which takes about 20 minutes. Then I lay him down. Some days he goes right to sleep with just a little bit of jabbering, other days he'll cry and whine for up to 20 minutes. I only let him truly "cry" for 10 minutes, I can't bear it any longer than that, when I go in to rub his back and give him back his pacifier (which he's usually lost). Now that he's a bit older, I think he actually needs that time alone to roll around, talk, and even whine until he falls asleep. However, when he was littler I always rocked him until he was completely asleep.

I did not let my baby cry it out as a general rule. The one exception was in the car on the way home from a trip to Bend. She just hated the car and we were stopping every 20 minutes to calm her down. Eventually we just needed to get home. After that I learned to nurse my baby in the carseat while my partner drove.

Letting a baby cry it out on a regular basis increases the stress hormone, cortisol, in their developing brains and causes decreased nerve connections and degeneration.

Yes, it was very hard and very time consuming and I was exhausted for the first several years of her life. And I only had one child. I don't know how mothers of more than one child do it or how mothers who work outside the home do it. My hats off to you.

The crying it out theory leads to ASTHMA and other respiratory illnesses. It is how an entire generation born between the 1930' and mid fifties wound up with poor health and a propensity toward cancer.

In native cultures around the world people never let their babies cry. It is only in rich countries where people are "educated" by psychologists and other "experts" that such ideas take hold.

I used modified CIO almost from birth. I used a timer and would go in after 5 minutes. I only had to go in a couple of times ever, and never had to go in more than once. I stopped night feedings at 1 month, and they had no problem sleeping through the night, or if they woke, fussing for only a minute or two and then going back to sleep. I honestly think the reason it takes so many children so long to learn to sleep through the night is because someone comes running as soon as they make a sound. My children have always gone to bed awake at the same time, and have never had a problem just going to sleep when it was time. I believe it is because we helped them to learn to self sooth right from the start.

Oooh this is such a hot topic!

We didn't use CIO. I picked up our little one as soon as he started crying. Every time. He's now 14 months and I only just realized that the world will not fall apart if he cries for a few minutes. Sometimes he needs to cry for a few minutes. I had no idea! I'm not an expert but I still wouldn't consider what we do as CIO since my son only cries for 5 minutes and then falls asleep. But then again, maybe it is, how long does the baby have to cry for it to be considered CIO?

We did CIO with our son at about 5 months. The first night he cried off and on for about 1.5 hours, the second night 20 minutes and the third night maybe 5. Since then (unless he has been sick) we have never had a time where he has not been able to fall back asleep on his own if he wakes during the night. We are all better for that! Oh and he is almost 2 now. I do think that carrying it out is a personal decision in regards to how long you let your baby cry but I just know that my son is now a great sleeper and I attribute it to the few nights of pain we went through so that he now knows how to put himself back to sleep. Good luck!

What a good idea to post this....I think it is just one of those things I think so many parents think about.

I didn't let my daughter cry it out until she was about 16 months old. But I really don't think it was cry it out for us. It was just more of an adjustment period. I let her "fuss" for about 10 to 15 mins and then check on her.

But from zero to 15 months, I pretty much went to my daughter when she cried....maybe waiting about 3 to 5 mins at the most because she had a tendency to get more wound up and it would take me longer to calm her down if I waited too long.

My daughter is now three and cries at bed time every night because I think she just doesn't want the day to end. I let her work it out though and within about 10 mins she is fast asleep.