"Crying It Out?" - Lexington Park,MD

I'm a strong believer in it, having seen the wonderful effects of it on my two healthy and very happy kids.
My best friend and her husband are behavioral child psychologists with 30 yrs of experience behind them. Both of them are firm believers in it, and can tell you that there are PILES of research on this that verify that CIO children grow to be strong and independent people (not the emotional damage that some swear by).
That's enough for me!

I was going to answer, but then I read Amy J.'s response. She nailed it. I don't need to say anything more.

I have seen questions from new mothers of infants (0-4 or 5 mos.) asking about doing CIO and I just don't agree--whether the parents are "sleep deprived" or not. Some have written "S/he cried for 2 hours until s/he finally passed out..." ????? That's neglect if you ask me. Very young infants shouldn't be left alone to cry and scream for hours on end and be expected to "figure it out"!

Ferber himself said he never has advocated "cry it out, but (rather) gradual extinction."
That's what worked for out toddler--not infant.

And yes...everyone has an opinion...My opinion is that with using a "gradual extinction" method with an older baby or toddler, is not going to necessarily lead to a new member of Prozac Nation.

I am absolutely against CIO. My oldest did not sleep much as a baby, and I thought I was going to lose it. I was so sleep deprived, and my husband was working 10 hour days with a 90 minute commute each way. I was so desperate for sleep, and I mention this because I don't want to sound like someone who is against CIO but never had a child that didn't sleep.

What really saved it for me was co-sleeping. If he was sleeping next to me, we both slept. I didn't always sleep with him. I had things to do around the house and really needed to find ways for him to sleep alone. Sometimes I would roll away after he fell asleep. Sometimes I would put him in the swing and let the motion rock him to sleep. You have to be creative, but you can find ways.

If you meet a baby's needs, you teach them that you will always be there for them. They become secure in that fact and feel safe to explore the world. Research has proved this.

If you leave a baby to cry alone, you teach them that you will not always meet there needs. They will never know for certain that you will be there for them. I know plenty of people will say that they had to CIO and they turned out just fine. While that may be so for some people, research (and logic) shows that more often than not, baby's who do not have their needs met grow up to be adults that are less trusting of others and more apt to make sure their own needs are met before the needs of those around them.

I don't agree with it at all. I can't understand how a parent could let their infant’s just cry and not go to check on them. I have talked to parents that start this from birth and I will never agree with it. I can see it working with older children like over the age of two, but I totally disagree with parents letting an infant cry it out. That’s just my opinion.

I thought it was a joke when I first read the article. Seriously, the two nights it took my kids to fall asleep on their own scarred them for life? CIO was the best thing we did for them. Even the pediatrician recommended it.

Just another guilt trip they're trying to lay on already stressed out parents today. Goodness, our parents' generation had to deal with none of this guilt being thrown at our generation. Every single thing we do is second guessed.

ETA: ADHD is a genetic brain disorder and not something you "catch" from a parenting strategy. Who were these researchers? Clearly uninformed on the most basic medical knowledge of ADHD.

IMO, if a baby is crying, it's because s/he needs something s/he isn't getting, and it's the parents' job to figure out what that is and supply it.

Well...I think if someone doesn't want to be sleep deprived...they should not have a baby. If you can't get by the months it takes a baby to sleep through the night, you aren't properly prepared for a child. I know it's harsh, but sleep deprivation is part of it. I think it's best to wait and have a baby, when your life is properly set up for one. If you have a lifestyle or job that requires 8 hours of sleep a night, a baby simply does not fit into that. I know many won't agree with that.

I think crying it out is cruel. I simply can't understand how a parent has the capacity to sit and allow a baby to cry out for them so desperately...and do nothing. (I'm talking babies, not toddlers who just don't want to go to sleep.)

that is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read in my life!

I'm very much against the crying it out. I don't think parents should respond to every little whimper in the middle of the night but a crying baby is trying to communicate something. Little babies are not manipulative as suggested. Babies under 4 months old need the frequent cuddling, closeness, and attention for proper development. I think it harder for parents to do this now because of all the distractions like social media and the constant use of smart phones. It is hard for new moms to put those down and focus on the baby as much as they did generations ago. Plus more moms are having to return to work asap and are not able to take the 12 weeks off that FMLA offers. Oh how I wish FMLA for Mom's was longer than 12 weeks.

Saw this last night and knew it would appear on here in some shape or form!

Never in a million years would I personally use the CIO method. Pre-child I vowed that any children that I would have would meld into MY life and that would be that. Case closed. Hahaha, right?

While pregnant, a friend gave me the Dr. Sears Baby Book and everything he wrote made sense to me. That's when I knew that attachment parenting would be my guide. Baby arrived and was in a bassinet in our room the first 6 months, then transitioned into our bed afterward where she remained until 2.5 years old. She moved out of our bed on her own accord and has been an utterly fantastic sleeper the entire time. She's now 6.

I think this article explains it better: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/crying-it-out-causes-brain...

S.T., a newborn cannot self soothe-what is ridiculous, is to expect them to. That is the target age we are talking about 6 months and under.
A baby left to cry in the Baby-un-wise/Ezzo method is harmful.
Babies cry to communicate, not manipulate.
If a baby is left to work itself into a frenzy, of course it's going to harm their little developing brain. I don't see how anyone can disagree.

For every professor saying it is harmful, I can pull up another that says it isn't. It is on newborns, and babies under a certain age, but kids in the past had to have had it harder than the spoiled kids of today. I can assure you that my grandmother's generation didn't put baby's needs before their own. There were farms and animals to take care of, or there wouldn't be food for winter.

I am a firm believer in teaching kids how to sleep, so there was no real CIO in this house, btw. I did the baby whisperer method with my son at 7 months, so he cried, while I held him and taught him how to go to sleep without my boob or being rocked.

I just read that article before I came on here. I never really used CIO, and didn't really want to.

To me, it COULD answer a lot of the reasons so many people have chemical imbalances. Someone on here mentioned that kids are more spoiled today than two generations ago. I'm not sure about that (in regards to parenting). It's only been a generation or two that both parents are working, and now working overnight and around the clock.

I'm not saying that every family that has a stay-at-home parent does a stellar job (I'm the product of a family like that. Dad stayed home, and he really sucked at it.) or that both parents that work full time do a poor job parenting.

The whole thing just interests me....I think we have a lot to learn.

I think you have to be firm and flexible with your children. Even though that sounds so weird! Like sometimes I would let mine cry it out, and other times I would go in. I am a believer that parents know the difference in cries. I also think that by setting at least an approximate schedule of bedtime and a routine cry it out becomes almost a moot point. Sometimes you even have to let a newborn fuss for a minute and settle down to get to sleep, so there is no hard and fast rule in my opinion. I say don't go in every time they cry or you will probably not have a very independent sleeper but don't never go in or you may not have a child who is confident their parents are there for them. One sad example is the other night my 22 month was fussing a little. I was all tied up with my newborn etc and I kept thinking I needed to check my little one but he eventually quieted down and I passed out after feeding the baby. The next morning we went to get him up and there was puke everywhere!!! I felt like the crappiest parent alive! I was so thankful that he was ok! So anyway, it wasn't intentional that I didn't check him I just got side tracked as my baby is only 4 wks old. So I think that once they are in bed you stick to you guns and make them stay but you may at times need to go in and check/care for them in the night, that's just parenthood IMO.

I believe in sleep training, but I also think CIO is only teaching your baby that you won't come when they need you. But that's just my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions....