Crying It Out - Hamburg,NY

Babies cry because they have a need that is not being met. Don't let him cry. Feed him, love him, cuddle with him. Letting a baby cry is a selfish adult response to a baby's needs.

Why would you let him cry it out in first place? that is torture to me

Assuming your child is an infant, and not a toddler (let them cry until they become distressed) or newborn (no crying out at all - they need immediate and continuous comfort), you should being letting them CIO in increments. Go in after 3 minutes a couple of times, then 6 minutes and couple of times, then 9 minutes, etc. As the days progress, the number of times you need to go in will become less and less. Worked with my 7 month old in less than a week.

I agree--if they don't fall asleep right away (i.e. crying because they are tired) then they may be crying for another reason (hunger, gas, etc). Just go with your instinct and comfort them.....the stage will pass eventually and comforting them in my experience is not synonymous with spoiling them. Worse come to worse, take them for a car ride--mine always fell asleep within 5 minutes.

Hi L.,

I agree with Nan completely. I also have older children and believe in CIO. I did it with my kids successfully. However, I did a modified version in where I went in every 5-10 minutes laid them back down said night night and left the room. I did this so that my children would not feel abandoned by me but knew I was not going to pick them up because it was bedtime. I was a stay at home mom who by the end of the day had very little patience left and needed my time. I was so sleep deprived with my daughter that although it is difficult to listen to I was desperate for sleep. So the first night she cried for around 40 minutes on and off with me going in laying her back down and leaving. The second night maybe 20 minutes, the third night maybe 10, and the fourth night right to sleep. It does work but it is extremely difficult to listen to. I wouldn't suggest doing it unless you are prepared to follow through. If you give in midway you will only be sending the message the longer I cry eventually she will take me out and the process will be even longer. Many people disagree with it and that is their right, it is not or everyone. However, it is not torture, it is not harmful, and it does work. My kids are 24 and 20 and did not grow up to be serial killers. We are an extremely close and loving family. I think as long as you go in from time to time so your child does not feel abandoned there is nothing wrong with it. Good luck I hope you get some sleep soon!!

A little crying or complaining is normal. I think it depend on the age of the child and if the crying is turning hysterical or if its calming down. I think you got a lot of good advice from the moms but I don't think letting a child cry for more than 10 or 15 minutes is a good idea. If you are trying to get them to go to sleep, I think its common sense to assume that if they are crying for an hour or more they are not tired. Also, how do you know for sure whether or not the child needs something or not? At such a young age, isn't a cuddle and reassurance reason enough?

I have the same problem now. My daughter is about 10 months and has been having trouble napping (night time is ok) after a long road trip to see relatives. She couldn't put herself to sleep while we were away, so we're trying to get her to nap again on her own. There are all kinds of opinions, but I asked a friend and also felt the crying was not a good idea. Everyone feels differently. I'm not an experienced mother, since this is my first, but I let her play or played with her until bedtime. I'll see later this week if it helps. I'm concerned about this causing other problems like not napping or thinking that we'll pick her up each time she cries, but I do let her cry it out sometimes for a few. All in all it's your call, but go with your gut.

I could be wrong, but based on all of the literature I've read and experience, I think crying for an hour is not abnormal when you first start this method. I stopped trying this with my daughter long ago because I could not stand the long bouts of crying. Honestly, anything over 30 minutes really started to bother me but I'd say if it goes past an hour or so maybe there could be something else wrong. Not sure how old your little one is or how long you have been trying this method; I think these are all factors that could change the answer to your question. I did research on this method and that is why I stopped doing it but I would suggest researching online and using your gut instincts as a mom to help you figure out what is right for you and your little one. Different things work for different families. Good luck!

Everyone probably has a different answer for you. I think its because they all have different kids.
I am a big believer in cry it out, but my oldest son is not a big fighter, so he would never cry longer than 30-40 minutes and that was just the first day. within 3 days we had him sleep trained because he thrives on consistency, and he realized he wasn't going to win and he just fell in line. Not every child is like that.
That being said, now that he is 2 and throwing tantrums, every now and again he gets "stuck" where he gets so hysterical that he cannot calm himself down. In that case, i have to intervene and rock him or hold him until he calms down. I had to do the same thing in the sleep training every now and then too.
So, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. Just pay attention to the cues you are getting from him, and if you try something once and it doesn't work, try something else. You will find what works for him.

2 days!

No really, it depends on the cry. If its getting quieter let it go but if worse, louder, screaming, coughing even after 20 minutes then go in again. Comfort baby then leave again....get a book for ideas. Also baby has to be drowsy before being left alone.

Also it depends on baby's age!!! Older ones cry longer and that's normal--they feel abandoned if there was a habit or a sleep association (always bursing or rocking to sleep).

Check out www.parentingpearlsofwisdom.blogspot.com. The first post talks about this issue, tells you what other parents thought, and gives you some resources to consult.

Anything over 90 seconds is too long.