Creative Ways to Make Children Behave

I know it sounds silly, but I count. My son is 5 years old and that works for him at times. It gets his attention. I won't say it is 100% fullproof or will work for everyone, but it does work for me in the very least I calm down. I usually count to three, but by two he is moving or listening.

WOW! If they are listening 80% of the time you are WAY ahead of the game! Kids this young aren't SUPPOSED to be perfectly behaved 100% of the time. Heck, cut yourself (and them) some slack, mama!
Cleaning up has never been one of my kids' strong points either. Making a game of "chores" usually does the trick though. Mostly I just remind myself that they are kids and they do not need to get something taken away or 'punished' for being kids.

Love,
C.
www.LostRiverNaturals.com
Organic Herbal Handcrafts

Hey I know you have had alot of responses just wanted to throw this idea at ya.. I have a soon to be 5 year old son just diagnosed with add..so he is even more difficult. I watch alot of super nanny and ive tried time outs being consistant and that just does not work for him he could care less if i put him in time out, it doesnt phase him in the least.. ive also tried taking away his toys tv and playstation and that doesnt seem to bother him either..he just tells me go ahead take away my playstation..i tried giving him a ticket( a roll of rafle tickets from walmart-$2.50 every time he did something good EVERY small thing he did that he was suppose to do brush his teeth make his bed etc i gave him a ticket.. the tickets didnt work that well so i got some of those colorful stones that go in vases or whatever and had 2 jars one to keep them in and one for him to put them in when he done what he was told.. this went well with him in fact it didnt take him long to fill up a small jar (about 70 or 80 stones) when he filled up the jar he got to go to the dollar tree where everything is a dollar and got him a toy..he loved it..I havent done that method in awhile and his behavior has gotten alot worse, in fact he threw two chairs at me the other day..im gonna try those stones again asap..anyway hope this helps let me know how it goes best of luck!

Make sure that when you give them tasks, you give them things they can do. A three-year-old cannot really understand what you may mean by "clean up the playroom," but can understand "you pick up all the doll clothes and put them in the box." They can really only handle one or two directives at a time, and specific instructions are better. You will need to stay in the playroom to guide them, as 3 and 5 will not stay on-task without guidance, and they are incapable of retaining a string of instructions.

Consistency is key with kids. Yelling does not help. Set rules, and then follow them yourself, every time. If they learn that you will do what you say you will do, every time, you'll get good behavior. I am not an advocate of spanking, and I taught pre-school for years, so I can tell you it can be done without hitting. The trick is to look at the long-term, not the right-now. If you have to leave a store, or a friend's house, so be it. The next visit will be smoother, and so will the one in three years.

Sometimes this is very hard to do-- I remember one time I had promised my kids a trip to Chuck E Cheese, and I really wanted out of the house (yep, actually was looking forward to Chuck e Cheese!) and I threatened the two-year-old to stop something or we wouldn't go, and he didn't stop, and so then none of us could go! I had to call my friend and cancel. So don't threaten if you aren't going to go through with it!

Also, keep your rules simple. You can't have a rule like "be good." Say something specific: "no talking in the movie" or "keep your hands to yourself." Little children don't understand generalities so much. Give small instructions that they can grasp. 3 and 5 are still very young, even though right now the 5-year-old seems big to you. After one warning, have your consequence (something that fits the crime, and is in proportion, not usually huge things). They will quickly learn to listen the first time.

I wish you luck!

If they behave well 80% of the time, you're doing better than most! They are never going to be perfect, any more than you or your husband or anyone else will ever do everything perfectly. That said, the reward system works wonders for all children of all ages. Praise the good behavior and set goals with rewards. This is NOT the same thing as bribing them really. Especially for young children, the rewards for good behaviour should come quickly to them. The older they get, the longer they can go before getting the reward. Do not reward every single thing with "things", of course, and use praise as the reward sometimes. Especially for difficult children, the reward system works wonders, but for every child it works great, too. On the flip side of this coin, bad behavior should receive immediate consequences, as well, and this would include loss of promised rewards or taking away of privileges. I used to have problems with my twins' behavior in stores. I was divorced at the time and was engaged to remarry. We all went to the store to get a new pair of needed shoes for one of them and the very moment the bad behavior began (having been forewarned of possible consequences for same), we left the store without the shoes and did not go back for them for at least 24 hours. It meant she didn't have the needed shoes "on time", but she learned that lesson well -- though we endured much screaming and gnashing of teeth about it -- but the lesson was taught and learned! I've heard good things about the books mentioned in other people's responses here, as well.

I think with children ages 5 and 3, a reward system is going to work better than restrictions or taking toys, etc away from them. You could set up a sticker chart for each of them with categories like cleaning up playroom, cleaning up bedroom, listening to mom and dad, being nice to my sister, behaving nice at the restaurant, having a good day at school, etc. The children can place a sticker on the chart when appropriate. Also, make cleaning up the playroom a game instead of a chore: remember The Big Comfy Couch 10-second tidy? I used to sing Barney's "Clean-up" song when my girls were younger. Invite your girls to help you with your household chores: folding clothes or setting the table.
My girls are 11 and almost 8 now, but we still try to use a reward or earn it system with them. Of course, sometimes we do have to take privileges and "things" away if their behavior is not acceptable!
Good luck! Be patient. Your children are still learning self-discipline.

Hi C.,

I recently read a great book called "Creative Correction" written by Lisa Whelchel. She starred as Blair on the Facts of Life and is now a Christian author and speaker. Her book is full of very creative ideas and I would strongly recommend you purchasing this book or checking out your local library!

Good Luck!
A.

I second the love and logic! It's a wonderful way to change our behavior as parents, so our children will change their behavior. It's really hard to get our children to do what we need them to do when we can control our anger...it just won't work. We have to change ourselves first. It truly is a wonderful way and it makes parenting fun! Good luck!

C.--It sounds like, to me, that your anger issues are adversely affecting your daughters behavior....duh!!![ you knew that right :0)]

In your post about your anger management and this post, you might need to seek out some counseling if you absolutely cannot control your anger on your own. I would do that before I drugged myself. It might be harder to do the actual work, but more satisfying and no drug interaction problems!! Not everything in this life can be solved with a pill!! In fact, I would thing that is more like nothing is solved by taking a pill. If that were the case we would all be on pills by now and life would be perfect!!

Everyone can get mad at their kids for nothing sometimes. I have the same problem but I can catch myself and stop it.

But from this post you also need to get creative about discipline and that would help too. I love books by Cline and Fay (Foster and Jim are the first names I think...but I cannot remember which is which) ANYHOW check out and read about "Love and Logic Parenting" it works like a dream. ALSO remember to have something that is yours alone. For me, I will not miss my bookclub meetings and I will read that one book a month for myself. I will hire a sitter for that evening if I have to. The rest of my time is mostly for my kids or my husband, and you have to take a bit of time for you. It will put you in a better frame of mind to learn some new strategies for handling those beautiful little girls and allow you not to lose your temper with them as much.

Pick up raising the difficult child, the nurtured heart approach, it focuses on making a big deal out of the good stuff they do. like You played really well with your sister, that was great!

We have read a book called...How to Raise Children you want to Keep...excellent! It is full of ways to get really effective results while teaching them to want to make the choices with out the punishment later. We just started it a month or less ago.

Sincerely,
K. B

hi my name is A. i have three boys ages 5,4, and 3. and we have the same problem. my four year olds teacher uses the color dots at school and it works so good we started using it at home and now my three year old does the same thing. for rewards i use cupons that say somethinglike " good for one ice cream date w/mom" or popcorn and movie night w/ a friend over. works really well

Dear C.,

When I read this post with your anger post, I had to respond. I definitely don't have any super solutions, but just a few ideas because I am going through exactly the same thing with my almost-5-year-old twins. For my anger, I've been reading a book called The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo. It is based very much on the Bible, but you mentioned God in your post, so you might like it. Also, I put a jar in our kitchen and told the kids I would put money in it everytime I spoke to them in an ugly voice (then they'll get a treat when it is full). I just started this, but it is at least making me more aware of my tone. I find I get angry the most when my expectations are unreasonable for their age and when I am too busy to calmly discipline after the first time I tell them so I yell instead.

As for listening, I felt we were doing okay when I wanted them to stop doing something, but it was driving me crazy how they would ignore me if I asked them TO DO something (like pick up toys, etc.). I told them if they obey right away (without backtalking, whining, or stopping along the way to play with something else) they get to put a mark on the whiteboard. If they whine or refuse to do something, etc., I tell them to erase one of their marks. Then, at the end of the day, they get a treat based on how many marks they have. (we're using M&Ms and mini teddy grahams, but I'm sure non-food options could be used if desired.) I just started this, so we'll see if it works at all once the "new" wears off. But the last two days have been so nice! Good luck! V.

There are two strategies I would recommend; love and logic and 1-2-3 magic. Both have books and websites that are excellent and very helpful. If you don't want to purchase the books check your local library (most have these). The websites are: www.loveandlogic.com and www.parentmagic.com.