This has been festering with me for awhile so I thought I'd get your take (you may have read the vegetarian Christmas meal question I posted - this is about the same coworker)......
About 2 months ago I was asked by a coworker we'll call Alice to take Tammy out for lunch for her birthday. Our treat but she gets to pick where - that's typical around here.
So, we get ready to go to lunch and ask where she wants to go.....Seasons 52.......if you are not familiar with it - think of $30 per person for lunch. I looked at Alice to see if Tammy was serious - yup she was. I guess I should have had the 'balls' to say that was inappropriate, in my opinion, but I went with it. We split the $80 bill two ways plus tip.
I must say - a month later when it was my birthday - this specific person awkwardly said, "happy bday" to me with no offers to take me to lunch!!!!! I'm such a sucker!!!
Anyone else been taken for a sucker like me? I've since avoided this person when possible - I get irritated by the self-centeredness.
Oh just walk up to her and say I'm ready for my birthday lunch today and you could take me to the same place we went with you cause we had such a great time, so excited see ya at lunch!
Live and learn.
Guess who won't be going out for a birthday lunch next year!?
Wow, that's some nerve! We go out for birthday lunches (almost 1 each month) and everybody (usually 4-8 people) chips in to pay for the birthday person's meal. But, it would never occur to any of us to go somewhere so expensive! I think Olive Garden is probably the "fanciest" place we've been! :) I wouldn't say that you're a sucker, just a nice person who was blindsided by a selfish person! You could jokingly ask "so, when is my lunch date?" I'd just avoid that person.
This is why you give a few choices such as Applebees, Chilis, Outback or IHop (sucker for breakfast foods) for your bday lunch?
Sometimes we have to expect that there's no obligations when one treats another person for their birthday. It's nice if they offer and it's also good to just treat a friend or coworker because you want to, with no further expectations.
I don't think you were a sucker. It's just that Alice has more awareness and graciousness, perhaps, than Tammy. If Alice approaches you about treating another friend out to lunch again, be clear with her what you are thinking (low-key sandwiches at a nice cafe or high-end like you had) and give her some suggestions for restaurants. Hopefully she'll get your point without having to be hit over the head with it or talking about money directly, which is never good at work, in my opinion.
Sounds like Tammy might have missed out on birthday lunch for next year?;)
M., you seem to me like the type of person that is too thoughtful to ever pick a $30 per plate place even if she did it to you... but my guess is that maybe she was worried you would, and therefore avoided you.
I am assuming you are not great friends. You should probably stop the bday traditions all together so you don't get frustruated for being a sucker (I would feel exaclty the same way you do), or as the other poster suggested, give options that are within your budget.
Sucker was my middle name up until a few years ago. It is alright to be assertive, to say no. My husband and I actually shared the name. We were constantly invited to showers and birthdays and weddings by a family who had thousands of children and parties. Each time we went and bought some very nice presents, donated etc. Finally when it came down to our own son's graduation and wedding they didn't respond, did not come and no gifts. Not that it was for gifts, but to celebrate with us and there were no responses either. On other occasions my husband often fixed his cousin's cars and For FREE. Saved them thousands of dollars. They didn't come to my son's wedding, did receive the invitation but didn't respond or even send a gift. But they continued to call for free help all the time. I even had it out with them and told them how hurt I was and they were still calling about fixing the car. My husband just realized how used he was and stopped calling back or fixing the cars. AND they still call. Ok, not related totally to your restaurant/birthday issue, but felt good to vent.
I had one like that once, well lets say I wasn't her friend and barely a co-worker shortly after those kinds of stunts. It was aired publicly for all to hear one day at the company luncheon. LOL I sometimes just don't know when to shut up, however I will never have to foot a bill like that again! That and I am a stay at home mom now.
