Hi Everyone! OK, just to give you a little background on us so you'll better understand my question, here goes:
I have a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old girl. During my pregnancy with my son, I set up the most darling nursery with a crib all decked out in the cutest bedding you can imagine, and purchased a beautiful bassinette to put by the bed for the first few weeks as well. I had the FULL intention of having a baby that would sleep in his own bed (crib) from the day he was brought home from the hospital...but then had a very rude awakening...my baby literally would scream non-stop the entire time he was in the crib. I had been instructed by my pediatrician (who I love and trust) that I should not even attempt the cry it out method until he was about 4 months old, and at the newborn stage, I should go to him when he cries and meet his needs. Well, I did this, but still did try to let him "figure out" that being alone was OK by lengthening the time I'd take to go get him at times...but he screamed with such despair I would have to go get him. At the 4 month mark, I set out to cry it out, and we did just that, for 7 days straight at nap time and bed time. The result was a crying baby for 2 hours each nap time and for 3 1/2 hours at bedtime. The time he cried never decreased, so after 7 days of what felt like torture for all of us...my husband and I decided to change things up and we brought him into bed with us.
Well, the result was...blissful nights sleep starting that very night. We were all much happier, and have enjoyed cosleeping since then. When my daughter was born a year ago, we brought her into bed with us too (son on one end, then daddy, then mommy, then baby...like sardines!) and it has been really nice to all be together.
So, I'm not at all unhappy with the cosleeping arrangement at all...in fact, we want to continue on with it. But my question is this - of the other cosleeping families our there, how do you deal with insensitive questions and statements from others about cosleeping? I've been shocked at how often I get rude comments about this from people. I have tried explaining to people that we do this so we all get a good night's rest, and that my husband and I LIKE having our kids with us at night...but it is almost like they can't possibly believe that.
Also, I often get very strange and what I feel are inappropriate questions about our sex life regarding this...like people saying, "that isn't healty for a married couple, you need to be able to be intimate." I have found that I can shut them up by just looking them in the eye and saying, "if you think the only time and place to have sex is in bed at bedtime...I feel sorry for your lack of imagination!" But it still bothers me that I get these comments.
If you have found a way to combat these types of questions/comments that preserves your relationships with people, but also helps you to feel good about your parenting decision (I often feel bullied and almost embarassed about it when it comes up) I'd love tips for dealing with this.
If your situation is good for all, then let the idoits say what they will. Unfortunately we cannot control the level of stupidity and judgement that people tend to push onto others. I love the comments that you have made to others as you are completely right! Imagingation is the key to a good sex life with your partner. Obviously you have found other times/places hence your daughter. LOL Try to remember that when someone else has something negative to say about your life they are simply telling you that it is not for them, no matter what kind of messed up "advice" they give about the subject. Keep on keepin on mommy! I am proud to hear that you have no problem standing up for yourself and what is good for your family! Applause to you!!
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B.B.
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Los Angeles
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Unfortunately, this is one topic where people feel the need to let you know their feelings. They tend to be very OPINIONATED rather than just sharing their opinion. I avoid the topic like religion and politics-I co-slept with my son for a long time-he is now in his own bed at night and baby 2 is about ready to come out-also the whole nursing thing is another I avoid. SO I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing what I have but there are a lot of judgemental people out there. I too didn't even know about co-sleeping-the name itlsef or the thought about it-had the beautiful crib that held stuffed animals-WHO CARES- they won't sleep with you forever and as long as your kids and your family are safe secure and happy that is what matters most!
Congrats to you!
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T.D.
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It's funny how people can be so judgemental. I co-slept with my dd til she was 15 months old. I was breastfeeding her throughout that time. And I basically ignored the comments that others had. Do what ever works for your family. I just never slept through the night with my lil one until she was in her own crib. But she sleeps in her crib now and we both sleep soundly at night. I have baby #2 on the way. I bought a co-sleeper. So we'll see how it all turns out. Your kids won't sleep with you forever. As long as everyone is okay with it, keep doing it.
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P.L.
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Los Angeles
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I agree with Bekah. Do whatever works for you. I have an 8 month old who still co sleeps with me, and I like it as well. And when I tell people that my baby still sleeps with us, most people confide with me that their kids still sneak into their rooms at night as well!
If you feel that your 3 year old is ready to sleep in his own, then maybe put his bed/crib in the same room as yours, and let him sleep in another part of the room with you until he gets used to that? Otherwise, I'm sure he'll want his own space when he's ready!
