Correcting Grandmother's Verbage

Hiya L.:
I'm a grandma,and if I was saying or doing something,that my daughter in-law or son didn't feel comfortable with, I would expect them to say something to me. The longer you let it go,the more frustrated it will make you,and the more imbarrassed she will be, for doing it for so long without thinking. I'd say, reguardless of how your relationship is with her, that it should be your husband,that speaks up and says something.I don't mean..."Uh Mom....L. doesn't like it when you" He should come across in a nice way,but explain to her that you both have done some reading on child development, and that you both feel,that using the word no constantly ,will make it harder for your daughter as she grows to comprehend its importance.If she doesn't grasp that,put it to her in doggie terms.If you constantly tell a dog no-no-no,it becomes common and repetitive, then if one day he runs out in front of a car and you yell no-no-no It means nothing to him! L..Your mother-inlaw should be pleased that you both are looking out for your daughters best interest,and are becoming more knowledgeable as far as raising her grandaughter. best of luck hun

I think at this point, you should let it go. They'll be other things down the road, I'm sure. Grandparents do all sorts of odd little things. My m-i-l used to try to get my son to call her Mommy! My kids seem really immune to her wierd behaviors. It was actually my son who corrected her. He would look at her, point to me and say "Mommy" then himself and say "baby". I think I would have to draw the line if she tried hitting or anything like that.

Pick your battles and pick them wisely especially on the home front. Grandmothers are protected by some "law". Congratulations on your new baby! May all your lives be filled with the stuff DREAMS ARE MADE OF!

Where did you first find out about using positive words instead of negative? Bring it up to g-ma in a simple way . . . "you know there are new studies saying this . . . " or, " I'm reading about this technique in this book here and it seems to work great and make sense" Get grandma a copy and express how much you love her being a part of raising your children and that you want her to continue being a big part of their lives. If you have concerns about verbage, refer back to the book, and explain that we are trying these words instead.

If you reassure her that you want her there, she will be happy and understanding about the way you want to raise your kids.

As long as Grandma is gentle when she speaks to your baby, I wouldn't make too much of a big deal about it. Grandma's will have their own little quirks with their grandkids. My mom will speak gently to my babies in Spanish asking them to behave. Relax and let Grandma enjoy the baby in her own way as long as she is calm while speaking to her, it's not everyday.

Well, I guess it depends on your relationship with her. If she is doing it in "play" way as described, I'd probably let it go. I remember doing that sometimes too in a very baby voice and almost laughing, saying, "you stop that" but it was DEFINITELY a cutesy way. If that's the case, I'd let it slide! But if it sounds mean or like she's annoyed, you may want to say something before she does it as the baby gets older.

I feel ya. My son is almost 14 months old and has barely started walking on his own. He still prefers to hold onto your hand to walk. Anyway, the other day the in-laws were visiting and trying to get him to walk on his own and he kept just sitting down and they started goading him and calling him "chicken." It made me so upset because even if he doesn't know exactly what they mean, he picks up on a lot of things and understands tone of voice. Not only will that hurt his self-esteem but it certainly won't make him walk any sooner. In any case, I didn't know what to do, and probably didn't do the right thing, but I just went up and picked up my son and told him that it was OK and he was not a chicken and he could walk when he was good and ready. I hope that alone was enough to let them know how I felt about it, but I may have to bring it up more directly if I catch them doing it again.