Control Freak!

I'm a control freak myself but not in all situations. I happen to be an accountant so I'm super control freak girl at work and about my work but when it comes to stuff at home not so much. My kids are 10 and 14 and I've gotten to the point where I just don't have the energy to try to be a control freak with them, not to mention that's not the kind of parent I want to be. I suggest you find something you can be a super control freak about and let the other stuff go.

Well you can't REALLY be a nasty bitchy control freak since nasty bitchy control freaks don't REALIZE they're nasty bitchy control freaks.

So you just have high standards then, right?

Of course all MOMS want things done OUR way, but then it's not ENTIRELY about what WE want, is it?

:)

I LOVE YOU for seeing this! I know people like this, but they don't think they have a problem! I have one friend who is on her husbands back 24/7-to put the labels toward front in cupboard when unloading groceries, what brand of everything to get, what time to do stuff, which parking space he should take when they're driving...every little thing! I would personally never get away with it if I tried that with my husband EVEN A LITTLE BIT, but her husband doesn't seem to mind! I think it's only a problem if it's problem. Does it affect your husband negatively? All I can recommend is that you think before you talk. I do it all the time, only for wanting to reprimand him for something seriously wrong instead of trivial "control" things...but I have mastered the "Stop, think, breathe, do you really need to say it?" inner dialogue, and I'm not controlling by nature, I like people to be self sufficient. Try to think before you speak and take a moment to ask yourself if you really need to intervene at these times...Sometimes I do this with my kids..instead of snapping and knit picking, I say nothing, and praise them instead with a nice tone of voice. The issue remains the same no matter how I react, so I make a conscious choice NOT to react, or to react nicely. Good luck! I hope you get good answers!

We are all like that. I have two suggestions:

1) Remind yourself that you are not in control of 99% of your day. Weather, traffic, schedule, kid, other people - all out of our control. So just go with the flow.

2) We all know the serenity prayer, but let me add my interpretation:
Grant serentity:
to accept the things I can't change (everyone and everything else)
courage to change the things i can (myself, as that is all I am in control of)
wisdom to know the difference.

You won't change overnight, but this is exactly the type of amends you can work on everyday. First you'll catch yourself at the store, likely right after you say "do this" - and then you'll apologize AND practice with a do over phrase "would you please...".

Next time you might catch yourself a little sooner....

Until a few weeks down the road it's just automatic. :)

We're in charge of ourselves, and everyday we get new opportunities to be the person we want to be. Those opportunities for change - are exactly these little instances and choices.

I had to let go.

You have to decide what you are going to let him do. He should have some say in it.

I told hubby he was doing all the outside stuff. I didn't care how it got done but he was responsible for it. Mowing, car repairs, trash, all that stuff that does not happen inside the house. Then I told him he got dishes too. He does not do the dishes at all like I want. I want them put up where their home is. I even labeled the kitchen cabinets for him. He still puts them where ever there is a hole. Which may be for the mixing bowls for the mixer sitting right there or the plates that have to come out of the dishwasher next....

We take the youngest kiddo to a local mental health facility for therapy and one of his team members told me I was just going to have to let this go. He was responsible for the dishes and I needed to let him do it his way, it is not my business anymore since I gave it to him. If I wanted it done differently then it could easily become my chore again.

I hate doing dishes with a passion. I would truly rather throw them out instead of wash them.

He does it his way now and no one has died, no one has had food poisoning, no one has scrapped crunchies off a plate before eating. He does the best he can and I have to let him take responsibility and do it his own way.

I try very hard to think before I speak. I have been known to count to 10 in my head before I speak. I may then seem a little slow, but it has cut way back on my control freak statements. LOL

My poor son gets the brunt of it because I know that he, unlike my co-workers, has to put up with me, (1) he can't fire me, (2) I support him, and (3) he loves me.

But, as others have said - if you can say you are a control freak, then you really are not - b'c you would never admit it if you were.

Just breathe, and embrace the 10 count.

:)

We are all individual and do things differently. If the end result is the same, it shouldnt matter how one got there, right?
My big weirdness about my husband was how he does dishes.
I put the dishes in the sink and fill with sudsy water and wash them.
He puts all the dishes next to the sink, fills the sink with sudsy water and washes one dish at a time.
End result is the same, they all end up clean and in the dish drainer.
I quit bitching about it otherwise I'm sure he wouldnt be doing them today.

Maybe just realize... that everyone does things differently.
And the world will not fall apart.

Really.
Good thing your Husband is mellow.
Still.
But I think Moms are persnickety, because they have children now.
But still, when others are with my kids or even my Husband, I just tell myself "everyone is different. And it is fine!"

There are about 101 different ways to do things.
And even if we are persnickety, it does not necessarily mean, that that pickier person does things, better. Right?
And we can all learn from others, about other ways of doing things.

The thing is: the "control freak" is not always "right." Nor does things the best way. Either.

LOL.

I'd be OCD, if I *let* anyone diagnose me. My entire motto is: If you want the job done right, then do it yourself. My life is VERY organized and clean.

I even delivered my own babies (all 4) at home because I did not want to be told to push, to do this, to lie this way, to sign this, etc.

I'm a bit (ok - a LOT) like this with my husband. I've decided to tackle ONE thing at a time and stop doing that ONE thing. Like telling him where to park, when to change lanes - driving. He threatened to go tot Toys R Us and get me my own kiddie wheel. When I get rough enough, he just answers gently, "Okay, Mary." (Mary is my mother.)

I've let go of the kitchen. I will cook, but then I leave and he cleans up the kitchen, loads the dishwasher and I don't care. I read the kids a book.

Pick ONE thing and stop doing that....then work on something else.

*He did want to go on this guy trip at the last minute and I told him to go and I'd figure the next week out, without him. (He's a SAHD and I work.) He had a great time and I was glad he went. He needed the time.

Good luck!

Got me A.! But I do think we are one in the same :)

I think you can be a control freak and be aware of it and want to change it. I'm that way. I have terrible control issues- in my marriage, in my friendships, everything. Actually, the only thing that has worked to change this part of me has been giving my life to God. I realized that when you believe in Him, you learn that the constant worry of life and obsessive need to control everything isn't ours to hold onto. Sounds so simple, but I just give it to Him.

I think it's awesome that you recognize this about yourself. It says that there is so much more to you than just that. Being aware of it and wanting to change it is truly half the battle. Never stop apologizing to your husband when you make him feel bad for not living up to your standards, and never stop lifting him up and making him feel good every time you think of it.

A.,

I think it's great that you recognize your issue and want to change. That's the first step. I think it would go a long way if you communicated this to your DH as well. I'm sure he would appreciate it and perhaps the two of you could create a plan that would help you control - well - you.

On a similar note, I notice so many new Moms are so controlling about how their husbands should or should not take care of the baby. Most of the time, they're so busy telling the Dad how or how not to do something that they end up driving the husband away from ever wanting to help because they feel like they can't do anything right. It is very possible I would have been the same way. Except, I was bed-ridden and my DH had to be THE GUY to get up in the middle of the night, feed, change, etc. Without me hovering over him, he was able to do things at his pace and learn what works. And, when he needed me, he would ask. In the end, I was able to (forced to) let go and learned for myself that my DH is perfectly capable even if he doesn't do it the way I would do it.

I tell this story because perhaps, simply walking away to another room might help you. Force yourself to not watch and see how it turns out. If the result isn't up to your standards, ask yourself if they are standards that are a bit high and therefore not necessary to correct his way. Or, if he truly is doing something (like putting away dirty dishes or something) that isn't working, then have a conversation about it.

Anywho, best of luck and I really think the two of you can work out a plan together that works for your family;)

Best,
S.

I am working on it. I manage the housework and have a whole way about it. I am becoming a bit of a neat freak and I think I need to learn to let a little of it go but I don't know how to either. I cannot watch my husband load the dishwasher.... or make hamburger patties. He was ALL OVER the kitchen with raw meat hands! I about died. I don't know what happened to me. I can hardly watch the road when he drives. It seems that with every child I have, I get more and more uptight. Ugh. Save me!

I too am a control freak. Sometimes I just need to *say* whatever I am feeling like controlling at the moment, then immediately apologize saying that I know I need to just get over it. But my husband knows that by me just saying it out loud makes me feel better.