R.,
I am in the same situation. While giving birth to my son, the "tissue" around "the area" (if you know what I mean) got ripped and has lost its normal elasticity/functionality.
This makes it so much harder to relieve myself even though I have the urge. I have gone to the proctologist (he visited me and told me all of this) and he suggested to have it "repaired" once i am done with the pregnancies (which I am not yet). In the meantime, here is my regime, it works very well:
twice a day Citrucel Fiber Shake (I found a yummy flavor: chocolate!!)...which not only helps regularity but it's a wonderful excuse to drink more water (which is key for bowels);
breakfast with a cup of milk and bran flakes (drink water afterwards);
after dinner I take two pills of stool softner (but you can take them in the morning if you like).
i do this everyday and it's abig help...i don't want to develop hemorroids and so do you, believe me!
I hope it'll work for you...good luck!