Constantly Crying/whining

Yes, I would say this is very normal. She just sees you doing more things for the younger one. I went through the same thing when my daughter was 4 and my son was 2. Now they are more even being 6 and 4. She would ask me for something in a whiney voice, I would just tell her to ask in a normal voice so I could understand her. She eventually got out of the habit when she realized I wasn't going to comply when she whined. We also made her or her brother go in their room if they needed to cry. They got out of that real fast because all they just wanted was to cry iand throw a fit in front of us.

Yup. Normal. I also hate to break it to you, but your 5 year old could not care less that the baby needs more attention. She is not in a place in her development where she can think outside of herself SO much and think of the 2 year old. Find ways to make time to spend with your 5 year old OR find friends and family to take her on special outings. As for the whining, just consistently tell her that you can not understand her and you would like to hear what she says when she uses her real voice. Try not to let it get to you. When she does use her regular voice, make note. "Thank you for talking so clearly." You can also give her some big kid privileges. Staying up later (even 5-10 mins can make a kid feel special.) let her pick dinner or activity. New big sister bedding. You get the drift.

B. Davis

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

Yup, so normal, and so maddening. Two fabulous books to the rescue: Siblings Without Rivalry, and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, both by Faber and Mazlish. I'd actually start with Siblings, which I haven't read but probably incorporates much of what is in How to Talk, which is simply the most effective, brillliant parenting book I've ever read (and I've read a bunch!).

You will like what you learn. And your daughters will, too.

Uggh, so normal. I have a 5-year-old daughter, too, and I'm at my wit's end waiting for this phase to end. What is odd is that our child has never been a temper tantrum type of child. But that's what we've been dealing w/ lately! It's been extremely frustrating -- I can empathize! Hang in there!

I think there are two keys in your question - first is, you've tried everything but nothing sinks in. Maybe you are trying too many things. She needs to see that she gets nothing when she whines. The second is, you're trying to explain to her about the toddler and get her to understand - she's not developmentally ready to empathize or reason about this. I would give her "special big girl time" when the little one is napping or when your husband takes care of her, and when she earns it by not whining. She sees the little one crying and getting her way, so she does the same thing. She doesn't want to be independent if it means less attention from you and your husband - so I'd stop explaining things that way. Just give her consequences for bad behavior, and even more, positive consequences for good behavior. "Catch her being good" and reward her, with your words as much as with treats/privileges.

Technically it is normal. Unfortunately all children will respond or act out with what gives them the most attention.

My recommendation is that you talk to her calmly and tell her that when she wants or needs something...anything, that she ask you in a kind sweet voice or you will not answer her. She is 5 years old. She knows very well what whining is. Your job is to ignore the whining and praise/answer the voice you want to hear.

I am not sure how normal this is since my DD is not old enough. Mu boys whien a little and the way I nipped that in the bud is I would tell them we get NOTHING in life if we whine, so I will keep repeating that everytime they whine, they realize they get NOTHING so they repeat what they want in their normal voices. I also try not to tell them I need to spend more time with the younger kids, I secretly tell the oldest "I really wish baby did *** just like you" Eg: "I wish baby would fo on the potty like you, I love how you do that." " I wish baby would be able to do **** by herself like you, that would make Mommy SO happy."
This always makes sure they know the likes and positive and they strive for that.

I hear you loud and clear! I have a 5.5 year old and a 2.5 year old. The older was fine until the younger became a year old. Then as the latter started moving around and needing more guidance, the older saw that we had to attend to her more and more. That's when the tantrums, the whining and baby behavior started. I have noticed though that she tends to act up more when she's tired and/or hungry, and I try to pre-empt those. I also tried giving her some exclusive time when the younger napped, although sometimes this had to take a backseat since I'd need to get some housework done in that time. In that case, I'd sit her at the kitchen table, have her do some crafts or something else of her choice, and being the same room, she could talk to me and I could step over and pay her occasional attention if she asked me to see something in particular. I do make it a point to praise her when I see her being nice to her sister - playing with her, getting her some water to drink, teaching her the alphabet, etc. I'm hoping we'll get past this stage soon where the crying about everything stops, and I hope the same for you - because it can be really trying at times! Good luck!

A. R.

I do think it is normal. My son was four when i had another baby boy, and all of a sudden he started wetting the bed again. He wanted me to dress him and feed him as if he was a baby. I think they just need time to adjust. When the baby would fall asleep, i would sit with my son in his room and play with him just so that he knew he wasnt an afterthought. They just need some quality time with one of their parents.