Consequences That Work for 10 and 12 y.o.

It depends a lot on their personality. If they like money, take their money, if they like xbox, take it.

When my daughter was younger, we outlined small fines for punishment. So she was given an allowance and then if she threw her clothes on the floor and was caught it would cost $0.25, if she had a poor attitude, it might cost $.80. At first she hated it and would cry every time she had to pay up, but then she quickly learned and corrected her self as soon as she saw us coming. Much like how we hit the breaks when we see a cop on the road.

You can do this with the XB too. Outline which games he will lose for each punishment. So at some point, he may be left with the work out cartridge or his sisters horse riding game.

Have fun.

Tweens are certainly too old for corporal punishment even if you do believe in it :) My kids are 15 and 11. At 11, suspending allowance, taking away tv priviliges or grounding from a social event are fair punishments, IMO (or suspending privileges from something like a game system if your kids have one, mine don't). Of course, the severity of the punishment should relate to the severity of the offense. Tweens can be challenging. I think it's so important to spend time with them without them realizing you're doing so (can you help me prepare dinner, would you come to the supermarket to help me?) and catch them doing the right thing often! (A little off topic, I know)

The natural consequences, good or bad, of the child's own choice is all I have generally ever found necessary. That means you might warn your child that Y will possibly happen if they choose to do X, but don't protect them from Y (unless, of course, it's dangerous, in which case, X is prohibited).

Your displeasure and unwillingness to cooperate with a child in the future can be seen as a natural consequence of a child's lack of cooperation with you right now. Your kids are old enough to get that, but you must be consistent in reminding them and following through. And there are some effective ways of helping them to get that.

While you're casting about for something that will work better in your family, how about trying a system of parenting that could virtually eliminate the need to find punishments that fit the misdemeanor, because it respectfully puts more of the obligation to make good choices directly on the shoulders of the child? This internalizes the process of choosing right over wrong, making the child her own police force. And, when the child makes mistakes (they will in any real-world scenario), the child is also enlisted in finding the most workable solutions. And, because they are invested in their own solutions, they make them succeed.

I absolutely love the tips and techniques offered in the wise little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. We use this approach with my nearly-5 grandson, and life is smooth sailing almost all the time. I've also recommended this book to a few young families with one or more "problem" kids, and they were amazed at how quickly and effectively they were able to shift the children's behaviors and attitudes.

One of the best things that works for me is to say, "As soon as you get your chores done (or homework etc), I would be happy to let you go to your friends house (or whatever it is that they want to do). This works much better for me than saying, "You're not going to your friends house until you clean your room!" If I say it like this, it makes them not feel like cooperating.

K. Kvols
Author of "Redirecting Children's Behavior"
www.incaf.com

See YokaReeder.com- she helped us so much.
best, k

Well, I don't do "corporal punishment" either. Household chores are their responsibility to the family; but detailing the car, and writing a special letter with drawing is appropriate. Anything that they typically would not do, like bake a dessert for a neighbor, walk their dog (better already be taking out your own family pet...). Community service is great as well.
It's not the "you are bad, so now you are being punished"...I feel it's: BE AWARE..Be and Live in LOVE for yourself and one another....
Now, a "consequence" is how our consciousness grows, learns to work through a situation. Deal with the truth as we know it; and believe our family loves us enough to stick through it as well. And we pray for more JOY!!!
Hope this helps.
PS Kids today (I have three boys) have more peers to pressure them. Be there for them

Sit down with both of them when things are going well. Have them each list 5-7 consequences that they think are fair for things they do wrong. Then take their lists and discuss them together with them and then privately with just your spouse. Decide if they are good or not add to them if needed. Then when they do wrong the consequences are things they know will not enjoy. Good Luck

You need to find their currency. My son loved TV, so if he was naughty, I'd take the TV.
If they continue to be difficult, you can empty their rooms and let them earn it all back - including the door. I'd only use that if nothing else works...
You need to be consistent - if you aren't, they know it, and they walk all over you. If you are out with friends, and they act up - give them one warning and then if they continue, take them home right then. Don't hesitate. All it will take is once.
LBC

Understand what they put the most value in and briefly take it away. My much younger brother (12) loves video games, TV, & the computer - if he does something (which is not very often cause he knows now) which warrants a consequence, he gets all of the above taken away for a period of time - the longest period i've seen my mom give him is one month, but he sure did learn his lesson and has never done it again.