Consequences for a 2.5 Year Old???

LOL. I have so been there many times. I don't care what other people think and neither should you because they don't know what the situation was. If my son wouldn't come, I would tell him bye I'll see ya later then. He would watch to see if I would stop walking then come running. I don't think he is too young to start getting things taken away. Start with something that he really really really likes. I think you handled this excellently. Remember to follow through on his punishment. He knows exactly what he doing.

I would recommend two books (I know, like you have time to read them) but one I saw here, called 1-2-3-Magic, and the other one is Siblings without Rivalry--some interesting ideas, maybe they will help.

First of all, most, if not all, moms have been there. I actually smile to myself when I see another mom going through something like this because it gives me a much-needed reminder that I'm not alone, and my son isn't terrible, just a normal 2.5 y/o. My just-turned 1 y/o just threw a complete fit in front of everyone on Halloween; she's learned well from her brother. We had a mall fit the other day when I warned him about doing something dangerous, he did, and then I had to drag him out. That was enough consequence for that time, but if he had slapped me, he would have gotten other consequences. Strapping him in the stroller, even though it was a big pain for you, was a great move. It showed him you weren't fooling around. Taking away a show later is something I would have done too, but the problem is that it was LATER. They don't connect the two. You might have gotten him to calm down if you had talked about it at the mall, but then again, it wasn't immediate, so probably not.
I have no answers for you, sorry. I just want you to know you definitely aren't alone with these power struggles! Keep being consistent and firm, and they'll eventually grow out of it. Good luck!

One other thing I thought of, could he have been over-stimulated/tired? Children are more apt to misbehave/throw tantrums when they are. So it is best to leave before they reach that point. Once they are over-stimulated/tired, you are going to have a battle on your hands. Sometimes just being aware this is going to happen instead of being blind-sided is helpful.
Also, I wouldn't worry about what others think. Contrary to popular belief, we can't control our children's every move. You cannot make him stop the tantrum because you told him to, spanked him, etc. Embarassed just can't be a part of a parents' vocab. I know, easier said than done. But this all goes back to not worrying about what others think, something I'm sure you will teach your children.
Good luck. Before you know it, it will be time for school, and this will be a distant memory.
R.

You did the right thing, and no he is not too young for taking things away.
Keep up the good work....be consistent, make the rules and hold him to them.
Your story reminded me of my granddaughter last spring on the beach in FL...luckily most of the people had left (except the lifeguards) when she screamed, and threw herself down and rolled around in the sand because her mother had things to carry to the car and wouldn't carry her. Wish we had videoed it to show when she gets married some day! It was a sight to see...
Don't give up, he will be testing you for some time to come, and be glad that he is small enough that you can remove him physically from the situations.

wow i really thought my son was the only one like this he is still going through alot but it has gotten better in the sense that he will stop and listen(sometimes) and when i let him know i will only listen to him if he talks to me instead of whining, screaming or crying. My son like yours is very intelligent so it irritates me too because i know he knows how to behave the correct way because he will do it if he really wants to get something. I would say your son is not to young to take things away from because it teaches him that there are consequences to him not behaving. My son is 3...will be 4 in March but I sure wish I'd started the whole consequences thing earlier. Good Luck!!!

You did perfect at the mall. And he is old enough to remember 30 minutes later that he was not being good. I would do a couple "dry runs" with him where you go somewhere but don't need anything or have plans to meet anyone (closer by if you can help it, maybe take the baby in a front carrier so you don't have to lug the car seat too).

Tell him that you expect him to play nicely and leave nicely when you say it's time. Then let him go. When/if he throws a tantrum, stay calm, take him home, and put him in his room for a LONG time (maybe an hour and half to two hours). Do the dry run a second time and remind him that if he throws a fit he will be going back to his room. It may take 2 or 3 times to stick, but he'll remember what happens if you stay consistent.

Some people will say that kids won't understand why they are in the room for that long, but they will. Remind him a few times during his time in his room why he's there: "you threw a fit and didn't listen, so you are in here to help you remember." We underestimate kids too often; make a lasting memory for him and he'll remember it. Stay calm, stay consistent, and he'll get it. And we've all been there - don't be embarrassed!

Have you tried leaving without him? Not in the sense that you leave him completely, but to the point where he thinks you are either gone or going (you of course remaining observant from a distance). I know if my 2.5 yo ever gets the idea in his head that I am leaving he immediately runs after me. Otherwise being a big dad I will just grab him (kicking and screaming or no) if I am in a hurry. As far as the taking things a way it does work with mine to an extent; the closer it is done to the incident the better.

I did not read through all of the responses. I would just like to say way to stick to your guns about strapping him into the stroller as well as not giving him the snack or treat that you told him he could get.
I would have done the same thing.
Like one other mom did say when he is throwing a fit in public try to get close to his level and tell him that he has 10 seconds to stop throwing his fit or you are going to leave him behind. I would go as far as a few feet away after telling him goodbye. Or even to where you can see him and he might not be able to see you and you know that there is nobody around that would do harm to him before you could get to him and watch what he does. I bet he stops and jumps up and comes running for you. I used to do this all the time with my daughter at Wal Mart I will turn down an isle that I did not plan to if she is not paying attention just to see what she does. I have done this to my son who just turned 4 one time. He would not stay on the cart. I went just into an isle and an older lady walked up to him and asked him if he was lost. He lost it and started screaming for me. I was there before she could do anything. I heard the whole thing. She was so upset because he was upset but she was quickly comforted because of how fast I got there.
Just keep sticking to what you say is going to happen. When you say that time is up then it is up.

The only thing i don't 100% agree with is taking his show away. That was not part of the deal so it's not fair. I like the sticker chart idea as well. You are doing great and kids are NOT easy.

you definately did the right thing at the mall - great job staying calm! :) i agree with all of the responses, but wanted to add another suggestion - you may want to think about doing a sticker chart for him, and everytime he leaves somewhere nicely, he gets a sticker. After 5 stickers, he gets a treat or a toy or something like that - we have done this on and off over the years with my boys, and it is very effective, as long as you make a big deal about hanging up the sticker chart, and talking about it alot, and letting him put his sticker on the chart when he earns it.

good luck - hang in there - we've all been there! :)
hugs!
~T.

Another thing besides what most of the moms' were saying is to make it his decision. Ask him if he wants to leave now or in 5 minutes. He will more than likely say 5 minutes. Then explain to him at eye level face to face we are leving in 5 minutes because that is what you decided. This helps make the decision theirs and you are only doing what they wanted to.
Hope this helps with the situation.

As frustrating as it is, just keep at it. It should slowly start to get better, especially if you continue to follow through. Just keep doing what you are doing.
When it comes to hitting, disrespectful talk, etc, I will grab my son's hand (or cover his mouth, etc). look him straight in the eye and tell him "we don't ____. Next time you go sit (time-out)." Although, I have not quite figured out how to do the time-out thing when we are out and about. Luckily, it hasn't been much of a problem.

Best Wishes!

I have totally been there, done that...As a matter of fact, am still in the midst of it! You are not alone!

I always preface every playdate/outing/trip to the mall/ etc. with a small "we are going to do x now. But when mommy says it's time to go, we have to go." Then I say again, "whhen mommy says it's time to go, we have to..." and my dd fills in the blank, "go." Then I say what we will do later, "maybe when we get home we can play with your kitchen set!" I send dd off to play. When time is coming to a close, I warn her by saying. "soon playtime will be over. We have a little bit of time left, would you like to... before we go?" then I direct her to an activity I know she really likes. When it is time to go, I say "would you like to leave now, or go down the slide one more time and then leave?" (or whatever activity will take relatively little time.) (I shy away from the whole 5 minute, 3 minute, 1 minute thing, because a child of that age has little idea of what time is or how long a minute really lasts!) Once she does that I say, "ok. Mommy says it's time to go. We have to get home and play with your kitchen set!" This approach usually works. If a tantrum starts, I can usually get it under control by getting down to her level and saying "I know you are upset! You want to stay and Mommy says, 'time to go!' That makes you mad! Mad! MAD!" (Basically mimicing her emotions and repeating back to her what she is feeling so she knows she is being heard.) I may have to repeat this once or twice, but once she calms down, I can say "I know 'childs name' wants to stay and play. But now it's time to go home. Hey! Let's sing some songs as we walk to the car!"

In our house hitting is unacceptable, as it is in most households!! My response would have been to immediately put him in the stroller, like you did, and then say, "You are angry! and frustrated! You don't want to leave, so you hit mommy! " then I would have said more quietly "hitting is never ok. When you are angry use words to tell mommy how you feel" Then give examples of what he could have told you. The immediate consequence was that you are leaving the play area and he was not permitted to walk out but had to sit in the stroller.

I find that kids just want to be heard. quite often, they (and their desires) get lost in the shuffle of what is on our to do lists. How do you feel when a person you are arguing with just keeps saying the same thing over and over without even showing any recognition that they heard or understood what you said. I really try to keep this in mind although it is a daily struggle.

Also, I find people stare at you no matter how you parent your kids! Pay them no mind...either they don't have kids or don't remember what it was like to have one demanding toddler and an infant at the same time.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Hugs to you... It's doesn't get easier (as once this struggle ends, a new one will begin), but you'll get stronger!!!

While I can't answer to what age they start understanding things being taken away (I guess it would depend on the maturity level and understanding your child has), I think you did everything else exactly right.

Yes, it's embarassing and frustrating, but he's testing you. You held your ground, didn't change what you told him would happen, gave him choices, etc. If others are going to look at you like you are a horrible parent just because he was throwing a tantrum, then they have no idea what parenting is.

Him slapping you? Wow. Yeah. I have no idea how I would have handled that.

My son is 17 months old and starting to show the rebellion of the terrible twos. I'm bracing myself for situations like yours!

Good luck to us all!

You handled the mall situation very well. The best thing you can do is to choose a method and stay consistent. This was the first time you tried to "prepare" him, so it's not surprising that it didn't go well. Next time, give him 5 more minutes, then 3, then 1. And when it's time to go, it's time to go. You do exactly what you did before if you have to -- strap him screaming into his car seat (and yes, it's embarrassing when everyone is watching you, but most of them have probably been there before) and leave. You might want to avoid offering a treat when you get to the car, though. Bribery can work short-term, but it can also lead to more tantrums when they expect a treat they didn't deserve.

Something else you can try is to make things fun when it's time to go so that their playtime isn't ending abruptly -- it's just moving to a new location. When you give your last warning for time to go, you might want to say something like, "In one more minute, we're going to tiptoe quietly to the stroller." When that minute has passed, say, "Okay, it's time to go. Can you be very sneaky with me and tiptoe to the stroller?" Or race to the stroller or skip to the stroller or hop like a bunny or whatever you think he might find fun. Sing songs along the way. Make the car ride fun by saying nursery rhymes, dancing to the radio, or counting how many red trucks (or whatever) that you see while driving. The key here is for you to be big and dramatic and excited. It still might be embarrassing because you'll look a little ridiculous, but at least your son won't be throwing a fit. :-)

Good luck, and hang in there!