Confused

J.,

I'm sure that your son is really trying to deal with his emotions right now about his dad leaving. Some children have a harder time dealing with change. You don't say how much his dad is still involved with him but even if he was still seeing his dad daily, this would be a difficult change for him. It makes it more difficult when they are younger like him and can't always recognize or express what is upsetting them. Be patient and consistent with him. With anger issues that involve kids being violent to themselves or others, usually a time out works well but it sometimes takes several time outs before you can see that they are working. The key here is to be consistent. When he starts having a fit, pick him up and tell him that you understand he is upset but his behavior is not acceptable behavior. That even when he is upset, he can't hurt himself or others. Then sit him down for his time out. Most books say that a time out should last no longer than the age of the child. We have our own little change to this at our house. It is not really a time out while they are still having the fit. If it is just a temper tantrum, I put the child in time out until they are done with their fit. I check on them often but I usually put them on the sofa or in their room. Once they are done, I usually have them say they are sorry and give them a hug to reassure them that I still love them. If they won't say they are sorry, then they need to sit back down for the (my son is 2) 2 minutes. If they haven't said that they are sorry, I usually wait until after the time out and then again, I reassure them that I love them regardless of their behavior but they have to learn how to behave so they don't hurt themselves or others.

I know (personally, I'm pregnant with my third and due in August) that this can be even more difficult while dealing with all of the extra hormones and symptoms that pregnancy can throw at you. Sometimes, they fits can really make a person feel inadequate or frustrated as a parent. It is during these times that I take their timeout as a time out for me as well. I will put them in their time out and step into the other room for a few much needed deep breaths and a moment of calm. Then I feel better equipped to deal with the fits and it also gives me a chance to realize that my child is dealing with a lot of emotions that I as an adult sometimes have problems dealing with and they need the time and the space to deal with them just as I do. It makes it understandable why they may have fits but not acceptable. That is why time outs are effective in these cases because they give the child the time to sit down and deal with some of their emotions without other distractions.

Good luck with your little guy and the new one on the way. I hope that my little bit of personal insights with my own children helps you as well.

My son was two when his dad left us and let me tell u i know what u are going threw my son did the same exact thing he is now 7 years old and u know when he comes back from seeing his dad. cause he threws fits and all. i just lay down the ground rules and stick by them my son has spent a lot of time in his room for cool off time for 3 min when my son was two then 4 min when he was three and so on now when he does it he goes to his room for a longer time casue he should know better. but to let u know u are not alone with this

he dosent hate you hes just haveing problems dealing with his dad not being around this is how he has found to deal with it unfortantly its not a very good way its hard for him but try reasuring him that everythings okay and that hitting and anything else isnt nice and wont make dad come back if you can try getting dad on a visitation schedule so that he dosent feel like daddy just disappeared completley once he sees that he will get to see him his behavior should get better hes acting out hopeing his bad behavior will somehow make daddy come back right now he dosent understand why daddys gone and hasnt come back which there is no real way of letting a child that young know that it isnt his fault try telling him it isnt his fault that sometimes adults dont get along and that they need a time out from each other that might heklp for a few weeks but wont last forever you can also try takeing a parenting threw divorce class there is one you can take online that will give suggestions for some more commin behvioral problems that may accure threw separation good luck

I pretty much know what you're going through. My husband is a truck driver and my son acts the same way when he's gone. He's just mad that his dad isn't around all the time. Though I don't have a solution, I know exactly what that's like.

I wish you the best of luck.

Good morning J. W,

Wow you have your hands full!! my name is trish t and I am a mother of a 10 year old son and a one year old daughter. being said that I totally beleive that its the age, dont blame yourself it has nothing to do with what happen between you and his father.what came to my mind is that maybe his father let him get away with alot of things that maybe you will not and he is testing you to see how far he can get. just stay true to you word if you say no to something them make sure you dont give in, because believe it or not they will rememeber that..
good luck!!!!!!!! with you son and you new arrival..
trish

It sounds to me like it's the terrible toddler years upon you. My twins are 17 months and going through the SAME thing. My son throws himself on the ground in a tantrum. My daughter just cries uncontrollably! Oh, I love this age!

Sounds like to terrible two's could be upon you now. Also, with his dad being gone, your son may be getting less attention now, since it's just you. I would try doing some positive reinforcement to combat the tantrums before they start. It takes a little more of your time to notice when he is being good or doing something right, but when you do notice, giving positive praise works wonders. I do it for my daughter and it works great. Less tantrums and more hugs and kisses and high fives!