Confused!!! - Fort Worth,TX

Some things to consider:1. Her father didn't have a will as to who his daughter should live with should something happen? (something to think about everyone)  2. Why is she staying with these cousins and not you and your family? What kind of guidance do they give her and their kids? Do they have kids more her age? Why is she calling you for 'help'?? Does your husband know this? 3.  How was she doing in school, (you said she'd do better in your school district, why?)She only has this year to attend correct? Taking her out of a school that she has been attending, friends, sometimes is the wrong move. Many factors in this decision I understand. Does she have good grades, good friends, how does she dress? Where does she hang out with friends? Does she go to church?
**She is old enough to have a part-time job while attending school too.4.  Has she stayed any length of time with you or just a visit? 5.  What does your husband think, you didn't mention how he feels about this?6. Why does she want to stay with you and not the cousins? Sometimes kids that age want to stay with people for wrong reasons. Do you have rules and does she know or sees them with your other kids? Does she know that she would be abiding by them as well and not just act like a guest, but part of the family, helping with chores, kids, etc.?7. What are her goals, to go to college, are you prepared to pay for these things?

Maybe a weekend together in your home with her for a 'let's see'...can you talk to these cousins that she is staying with and come up with a resolution? I know this is alot to talk about, but taking on the responsibilities of a 17 year old, almost out on her own is a big step as well, especially financially.
Hope my thoughts triggered thoughts for you as well.
take care

Maybe you should find out why she is so unhappy there. It is very hard for some kids to adjust to a different environment and a different set of rules. You should also look at the age difference in your kids and what type of influence she may have on your 7 year old daughter. Also you and the other family should sit down with your niece so that she can tell them how she feels and what she has told you, so there will be no hard feelings between you and other family members.

If she wants to live with you and your husband then why not. You and your husband just sit down with them one night explain that she has shown an interest in wanting to come and live with the both of you. Just make sure that you and your husband are 100% sure you can take on this responsibility.

There are a couple of things I would consider. Is there a firm reason that she would prefer to live with you? Also, what relation is the cousin to her? If it is a brother or sister, this issue could be difficult from a diplomatic standpoint. You will need to figure out a way to approach things diplomatically so that they don't see it as a rejection of their kindness, etc.

If the people she is staying with are the son/daughter of the man that died, they may feel a responsibility to raise this girl and it may also hurt their feelings that she doesn't want to stay with them. Were any instructions left by the father? Also, where is this girl's mother?

Do you have room in your home? Was she provided for financially? I assume that she is still in high school. Does she have college plans? Is there insurance to cover those plans? If she was left no money, are you and your husband prepared to financially support this girl? I have kind of done what you are considering and one thing you need to remember is that having someone stay with you or talk with you is different than having them live with you. What this girl does not need is to go from relative to relative without finding a good fit so if you step up to do this you need to stick with it.

I never had a moment's trouble from my stepson until he came to live with me. Teenagers are a handful! You have a lot on your plate with a job and raising your own three children and if you do this, you will need to make sure that the girl recognizes that you and your husband will be acting as her parents and she will need to abide by any rules you set. You also need to be prepared for a great deal of emotional fallout. My daughter is 16, we are very close, we also fight every singe day. She is 17, she is still swimming in hormones and she just lost her father, which in itself is hard, but she is also going to be dealing with the fact that she will have so many milestones that will have a hole because her dad will not be there so she will be grieving on many levels.

If she does come to live with you, you need to make sure that everything is in order and that you get her into counseling even if she doesn't believe she needs it. I lost my dad when I was 35, I hadn't lived at home since I was 19 (mom and dad were 1000 miles away) and I honestly cannot remember how long I cried at night when I was sitting working and how much I thought about him, what he would think of things going on in my life, the advice he would have given if he were still here. I still hate it that my daughter was only 7 when he died and the only one that really knew my dad.

My brother had friends, five kids, parents killed in a plane crash. Most of the kids were bounced from relative to relative and only one of the kids seems to have turned out okay. One of my daughter's friends experienced a tragedy three years ago. Her father killed her mother and then killed himself. She initially stayed with her mother's relatives but that didn't work out because they all hated her father. I think she went to two different relatives before she wound up staying with one of the teachers, whose family embraced her fully and considers her as much a daughter/sister as the biological kids.

This girl needs stability and kindness, just make sure you know what you are getting yourself into before you pursue anything.

If her Dad was your sons Godfather & you seem eager to have her with you, then absolutely give it a try. I don't know how your children feel about it and would worry most about jealousy that might occur from your 7 yr old daughter, but if handled right that can be worked with. Also I think with just knowing you are a Site Coordinator for the YMCA, you must be good at coordinating everyone at that's a talent alot of us lack and is so important. If you feel it in your heart, go for it.
Best of Luck
R.