Conflicting Disciplining Techniques

this is not something new. I went back thru your earlier postings, & your relationship with your husband was quick & you've had issues from the beginning with the 2 men in your life.

It is seriously time to get these issues resolved before life becomes Hell for your son. I do apologize if this offends or hurts you. But life will only become harder & harder with your husband....especially when you use "red flag" phrases such as when his yelling "makes you want to go & hide in a corner also like a scared little girl". This is NOT a healthy relationship & your son is being affected by it.

I sincerely wish you Peace & hope that your husband will agree to seek counseling with you....as an individual, as a married couple, & as a family.

Your post tugs at my heart, because it sounds so much like my husband's childhood.

It was just him and his mom until je was about 4, too, and then there was a step-dad. A step-dad who had never patented and knew nothing about children, but who was overworked and had a bad temper. This step-dad started off yelling at this 4-year-old boy, and then at his mother when she tried to intervene.

As he got older, this step-dad's yelling got worse, and with it came shoves, and hair pulls, and wrenching of the arm. Again, when his mom tried to intervene, she got the same treatment, or worse.

And when that little boy got to be about 7, the shoves became slaps and hits and kicks and slams into the wall, pulled out handfuls of hair, punches, insults, and the same or worse for his mother.

He finally went to military school at 13 just to get away. And when step dad beat his mom half to death, when he was 19, they finally got divorced.
The first 7 years of my marriage (pre-children) were full of screaming fits of rages and broken furniture and affairs and insults andthreats.

Because that little boy grew up in a violent environment, so all he learned was violence.

Is that what you want for your son? I know it's not what I want for mine.

If you don't STOP this behavior of your husband's right now, through whatever means necessary (and yes, id say even divorce), you might just end up in the same cycle.

I would tell him the yelling and swearing were a deal breaker. He is 4 yrs. old and can't begin to comprehend why your husband is doing that. If he can't stop yelling, he needs to stop helping, and leave the parenting of your son to you.

Your husband is emotionally abusing your son and you need to stop it right away. If your husband won't agree to counseling, then you'll need to tell him point blank and you feel as though he's putting you in a position where you have to chose between him and your son and your son wins hands down! So, if he wants the marriage to work, he has to change his attitude and the way he deals with your son. It may help for you to take your son and separate for a while. That way your husband can decide what he wants to do. I am so sorry for you and your son. No one can do what needs to be done for you - you have to buck up and stand up for yourself and your son!

If the goal is to get on the same page, not confirm that you are right and he is wrong. Then, look at the big picture and try to see things from his point of view. Only when you two can understand each other will you be able to come to an agreement that works for everybody.

SO...
Stepdad isn't very hands on and when he is, you ask him to back off. Maybe he feels as though he gets no respect in his own house and that you dont allow him to parent? Is it possible that he wants to yell at you, when son does something he thinks you should've corrected, but instead, he avoids hitting the issue head on by yelling at the boy? I don't know these things to be true, I'm just trying to brainstorm where he is coming from.

It will be in your sons best interest if they have a strong father son relationship. That bond has to be established early. You two need to have each others back and provide a united front. Let dad know how important his role is in both your lives and how much you want them to be close. Be willing to compromise a little and listen to his point of view.