Confidentiality Issue

My husband too has trouble keeping his mouth shut sometimes. I've learned to either not tell him things that I really don't want to get out or if I do, I tell him many times that he has to promise to keep this to himself. If I do that, he usually will keep it to himself.

I agree with Blessed Mama. Sometimes they just don't GET it. It's not that they don't want to make things worse, they reall think they are helping.
You have to talk to him about it though. Just be honest with him. Talk to him understanding that he was just trying to help, but let him know that it isn't OK to pass things on unless you tell him it's OK. The only way he's gonna know though is if you tell him.

I had this problem with my husband also. What I found was that, by nature, he always wanted to "fix" any problem I had. It came from a good place of wanting me to be happy and stress free. So, when he thought he could help smooth things over, he would try.

Now that I realize that about him, I tell him point blank...."I just need to vent, I don't want you to fix it". When I say that, he knows not to repeat it and that I just need to talk it out.

Sometimes husbands in particular feel the need to protect us and help us....they just don't realize that sometimes they make it worse.

There are some people who just can't keep things to themselves. Apparently your husband is one of these people. If I were in your position I would sit him down and tell him that sometimes the things you share with him need to remain private and that you are upset that he over-shared. Then I wouldn't tell him things that I didn't want other people to know because chances are he just can't help himself.

At least the family member apologized...

Think of it from the side where it's usually the woman who has loose lips and the husband doesn't voice stuff because of it. Just because he's isn't a woman doesn't mean he doesn't have the same flaw.

I think you ought to accept that he is this way and guard what you say.

I have a friend whose husband does the same thing. However, he does it on purpose and says it is because he thinks everything ought to be put out for everyone to see. He has caused problems and hurt feelings by repeating stuff. What is funny is that if someone told people what they think of HIM, he wouldn't like it. (Hypocritical to the max.)

Anyway, just don't tell him stuff anymore. Sucks to not be able to talk to your best friend, I'm sure, but it's in both of your best interests.

Dawn

Men do like to "fix it" and that may be the case here. Since this isn't the first time (I definately know how you feel), I completely get that you feel sort of betrayed. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. I would be cautious of what you share without first stating "this is for your ears only"...not sharing will cause distance in your relationship...been there.

Don't share with him in the furture anything you don't want told. It's that simple and how it has to be since he's proven he is not able to keep it between the two of you. You can still love him though. :-)

My husband tells his parents, dad mostly, everything! Even stuff about our sex life!
It is truely frustrating because he doesn't see why it bothers me so much.
I feel your pain. I'd stop telling him things you don't want repeated.

I don't have to worry about this, but this is a great reason to only confide in your friends. We all need a girlfriend to b*tch & moan to, don't we?!

That being said, tell him how you feel, and be careful about what you tell him. It sucks, but you probably need to find someone else to vent to.

Guys don't get rants, they don't understand why we have them. They think when we rant we are very upset and act accordingly. Really if I ranted about someone in his family he would call them and say you really hurt J. with.....

As it is I always end a rant with this is a rant by the way, or thank you for allowing me my rant. That way he knows I am just blowing off steam and not as offended as my tone would indicate.

So I guess I am saying meet him in the middle, when you are ranting have your rant then point out that it is a rant.

I can't imagine my husband running his mouth like that! I wonder if you can do the same to him and see if he gets it. It might be the only way to drive the point home if you've explained it to him and he does it, anyway.

Pick something that isn't a deal-breaker but would maybe shock him to hear in front of others. Then, tell him that that's how he makes you feel ALL THE TIME,times 10, just naked in front of other people.

Would he keep it to himself if you were to tell him first that "this is a secret between us"? You might have to just save your vents/rants for your girlfriends.

It's a good case for not having any conversation with him period. Or maybe when he starts having something to drink, then you should dummy up. If those are the circumstances he can't clam up, then keep your eyes peeled.

Maybe the subjects he blurted out are unimportant to him and therefore he acted stupid. Could be it's time you talked about something that's going to bring it home to him. Like your relationship and how he's hurt you and violated your trust. Maybe next time he starts drinking you should let slip that if it continues you're out the door. Because he's not showing respect for you, and by mouthing off, he has no respect for the meaning of trust.

You can't predict what to talk about or not. Drinking will invalidate the confidentiality of any subject matter. He needs to decide to stop drinking or risk losing it all.

I think it's a really BIG mistake when we think we need to share every little thing with our spouses.
Now you know how he is, so adjust your actions!

Well the way to problem solve this is to, tell him.
And to talk to him about it.
Being you have not talked to him about this before.

Some people do not have common sense. And they may have loose lips.
Some people have to be TOLD, literally, "do not tell anyone, this is private." Otherwise, they do not have the ability to know when to keep their mouth shut.

some men have a "fix it" thing, where if their women tell them something that's bothering them, something they wonder about, no matter how innocently or idly, they think they have to "fix it". my husband gets super frustrated with me when i try to "vent" or "confide" in him, he doesn't understand why i just don't tell suzi q to shove it when she gets on my nerves at work (or whatever). and since he can't fix it and i "won't" (in his eyes), he gets frustrated. sure in a perfect world our men would be our bff's and we'd share all of our deepest darkest secrets and every little thought that enters our head...but....

in my experience, this is one of those areas where we do NOT need to be "completely honest".

it's who he is. let it go and try to find someone else to vent to. we all need it, i would just rely on hubby a little less for that kind of support :)

PS that's not to say don't discuss it with him. by all means let him know that it hurts your feelings when he blurts things out that were meant to be private. just don't be shocked if he doesn't get it, and don't expect his habits to change, even if he wants to.

I think sometimes that men don't have filters in their brains like women do. I've learned to keep some things to myself Before I share something with my husband, I stop to think if I mind him repeating it. If I have the least bit uncertainty as to whether I should tell him, I simply don't. Lessons learned.