Concerned Parent Seeking Advice

Hi Mom,

I would focus more on my own child than the accusations.

1. I would talk to my child and say, honey, you know mommy loves you, and I will love you no matter what,

2. I would say the school called me today, do you know why?

3. Wait and see what is said,

4. If your child doesn't know or can't say, then say what the teacher said, and then ASK if it is true,

5. No matter the answer say Good I am glad we can talk about these things, If you ever have questions you know you can always ask me. But for mow I wanna talk about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. then commence to explaining.

6. Once that is said, and questions are answered, then go back to what the teacher said, and tell your child that you are on his/her side and will work things out with the teacher, that is anything is said to her/him she should come talk to you and you will handle things.

7. In the event your childsays that the other child wanted to play doctor , or it was some misunderstanding as i suspect it was, You talk to the school and advocate for your child,

8. If your child has something more to tell you, which is probably and hopefully not the case call the police/social services and they will help you take the right steps.

OK my opinion is this was al very innocent and things got blown out of proportion, but i can understand your concern for your child, This will not be the first time something like this happens at school, so put your defense hat on and get ready to fight it out.

M

Of course you should advocate for your child! Talking is probably the best first step. You don't say how old your child is because "inappropriate touching" is very different for a 2 or 3 year old that for a 10 or 12 year old. Speak to a professional if it will help you as well as your child. Sometimes it helps to have someone else's opinion (especially a professional). Good luck and I'm sure this will work itself out just fine.

Hi B B,
It looks like you've received a lot of good advice. My niece who was 7 at the time was also accused of this. When her mom spoke to her she about it she found out that she picked up that behavior from an inappropriate cartoon that she happened to watch one evening when the grownups were sleeping. There are many adult cartoons sometimes on the same channels as the kids cartoons just at another time of the day. You may want to check that your child is not watching any inappropriate tv shows and repeating what she/he has seen on tv.

Good luck and as many have said unfortunately in today's society a lot of this is blown out of porportion. If the rules today were in effect when I was a child, wow a lot of kids and parents would have been in huge trouble! As a child back then I explored with friends and we all turned out fine, with careers and loving families of our own now.

HI B B,
You've received a lot of great responses. I especially agree with the first one (from Mary K), plus add a quick discussion about the "no touch zones". If the accusation is correct, it's still very typical of this age and usually very innocent. But, with our society as touch conscious as it is today, it's important to help our children understand the "ok" touch zones, for their own protection and comfort of other kids/parents. This can be done in a very positive, loving and non-threatening way. Good luck and the best to you and your family.

Hi BB,

This has got to be tough for you. It is hard for me to give specific advice because I do not know the whole story and I understand you not wanting to share it. What I can advise is that yes, be an advocate for your child, without a doubt.
I can only assume that what is happening is that your child is being accused of something that happens with most children at one time or another. Especially considering that your child is only 8 years old, seems to have a stable proper home & is properly supervised, I am able to deduce that your child simply engaged in a curiousity seeking act that (if it weren't for some sick &/or litigious people) can be simply considered typical.
I think society has gotten out of hand with charging kindergarten with sexual harrassment for doing something that when we were young was simply called playing doctor. Not that that excuses any of this behavior, but a young chjild cannot be held responsible for such innocent acts.

So yes, advocate for your child. No, there is no need to see a pro (unless there is something to really be concerned about). And talk to your child about it it. Teach your child that it is ok to be curious about things but it is not ok to touch anyone. This is a part of parenting and it should not need to go any further.

Good luck! I wish you all the best.

Just sit down and talk to your child. Find out what happened. My son at age 5 asked a little girl to take off her shirt.. I was floored.. but when I asked him why?? he said to all of us at this party.. that he didn't have his shirt on only a bathing suit and she looked hot.. so why not? He didn't know that it was wrong. Noone was upset since he didn't know and she didn't know what they were doing. So ask? but do it soon.. children forget fast. Maybe by touching or doing something.. he just wanted to touch or maybe see things?? kids want to see differences between a girl and a boy... Just tell him that it isn't something you do.. and why. Talk about that your body and other people's bodies are private.. and only they get to touch it or look at it. Good luck.. and don't be upset until you talk to all present... Kids will be kids.. so find out the story.. if it's innocent.. than call the other parent.. tell them what happened and why.. and that's it.. tell them it won't happen again.. and that your child is a good kid.. and you hope this won't hurt further playing with the kids involved. Good luck.. it will be OKAY!!

Young children are curious. Many will do show-and-tell sort of games. You talk about supervion during playdates. Unless you plan on following the kids around every single minute and never taking your eyes off of them, then there is an opportunity for things to happen. My daughter, at the time was 6 yeras old, was visiting with a boy nieghbor she was/is friendly with. They were playing at his house and I can tell you we always thought we watched the kids like a hawk. However, this one day the boy ran up to his room to get a toy(or so the mother thought) ... my daughter didn't go up the stairs but stood in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs. The mother was getting cookies in the kitchen and requested that my daughter wait downstairs. The boy didn't get a toy at all ...he walked up a few stairs, pulled down his pants and showed my daughter his privates and asked to see hers. Feeling pressured because the boy said he would tell ---she did the same quickly. She didn't tell me about what happened intially. Several days had passed before she finally told. We had separate conversations with our children about the incedent. We both explained about how privite parts are just that --- private and for us only and no one should feel like that have to share them nor should they, etc. We did get both kids together and talk to them as well. It was definitely a curiousity thing for the boy. However, for my daughter she felt presssured into sharing which was a very tough lesson for her and I felt so horrible. She knows to stick up for her rights and never feel pressured by others. She is now 10 yrs old and a very independent and will never let anyone will her to do somehting she doesn't want to do. The important thing to remember is that these actions come from curiousity and we need to be very careful how we handle this issue. We don't want our children growing up fearing intamacy, sex, etc. and thinking this is taboo. But we must as parents guide them and explain what is appropiate and not appropiate. If this is circulating around the school ... it will blow over and rather quickly. The parents are more tramatized then the kids... we see what is wrong with the behavior but they are being kids --- curious, experimenting, learning, and growing. Keep things in perspective is my advise. I've been there are I know it is very hard to do.

Hi B B,

I would have your son talk to a professional. At times they feel better about talking to a stranger then a relative. (mom or dad)

Hi BB,
I'm sorry that you are going through this. If your child is very young, it may have been with innocent intentions. Have you discussed "no touch zones" and the like with your child? Since you didn't mention where this took place, it's hard to know what really happened. I'm guessing school since you said that your child is never unsupervised or on play dates. Was it witnessed by an adult? Unless it was witnessed, it can only be documented in school as an accusation. If it was in school, speak with the principal and social worker. If it was my child, I would consult an outside counselor as well.
Good luck!