I am a concerned parent for my 4 year old son (only child). He has been attending day care since he was 9 months old. For the past year I have been very busy going to school and working full time. It has been very hard and it hurts as a mother that I have not been able to spend as much time with him as I use to (Note: my schooling is only for 1 year). My son started this new preschool/ or learning center at 4 years old. And Until now I have been very concerned by things that he has been telling me at home and what the instructor has been telling me. First they tell me that my son has a problem with sharing and that he doesn't want to share. Then he has his moments of temper tantrums/ or things have to go his way in class. Then other day they told me my son has a short attention span that he does not stay in the circle, with the rest of the group (I did catch him ONE time walking out to look at a book). I was told has a problem with kids personal space, and the kids don't like it when he touches them/ grabs them (Grabbing not in an aggressive way, but playing around, my son likes to wrestle, jump around, he is very active at home). And in class, I have noticed that he sits in a circular table with another kid, and it looks isolated from the others. BUT at home, he tells me he has no friends, nobody likes him or loves him at school, I don't want to go to school, I want to stay home with you (mommy), he even begs me PLEASE don't take me. When I drop him off at school he refuses to go inside the class room, sits in the hallway and cries. He has spoken to me about them putting him on time out, that one girl was going to touch him and the teacher said don't touch him (my son currently has a sty in his eye,) and not that I want someone to touch his eye (and I have explained to the teacher, and have given them a note saying that it is not contagious and he can attend school), but he told me that he cried.
I don't know really what to do, I need some advice, I don’t know if I should send him to another school. I am concerned for my sons self esteem, but at the same time I don't know if this is a tactic of his to be with mommy and stay home. I even questioning myself if some of these behaviors they complain about are they normal or abnormal for a 4 year old. I am also thinking, if the teachers are kind of marking him as the bad child of the class room, could that be why he feels the way he does. I am almost finished with school, So that I can provide for him better and absolutely spend a lot more time with him. But I need some advice.
(Note these are things they had told me thru the year, it not every day they tell me about his behavior, but when I ask 95% of the time it is a negative comment than positive, they haven’t even told me how he is doing academic wise)
My son has Asperger's and exhibited the same behaviors at that age. You may want to get an evaluation....good luck!
I'm a mother to an adorable girl with Asperger's. My daughter had some of the same traits your son had. She's quick to tantrum if things don't go the way she wanted, didn't want to share toys, didn't do much interactive play. Other kids didn't really want to play with her because of these issues. They would sometimes call her names like, "Cry baby!" In my daughter's case, I was the one with the concerns. Her teachers thought she was just fine and would catch up socially over the summer, or was just really smart. I delayed getting help for a full year because of this. Now, she's received services for a little over a year, and she's a different child! She's doing well academically in kindergarten, she has lots of friends, and she's learned to be less rigid. The problems haven't gone away completely, but she's so much better! My only regret was that I wasted a year by not listening to my inner voice.
Does your son have Asperger's? Who knows! He might be fine or dealing with other issues. But if you have a nagging feeling that something is up (and it's not just the school that's the problem), then I highly encourage you to have him assessed--and make sure they do a classroom observation as part of the assessment. If you think it's just the school that's the problem, then maybe you should find another school.
Good luck!
C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com
He probably needs alot more time with you, if for no other reason than you will be better able to discern what is actually going on with him.
Unfortunately kids can't wait for us to get our lives where we want it. Their needs don't pause while we do that.
I say this out of hard experience. . . not judgment.
Even very well-meaning teachers cannot always pinpoint the exact issues that are bothering your child. Very young children need the sensitivity, and guidance, of their moms or a very close guardian (that's just my humble opinion).
Good luck to you both.
Have him evaluated by an occupational therapist who is well versed in Sensory Processing Disorder. It is extremely common and your son seems to fit the symptoms. Check it out before you make any decisions as to moving him. It doesn't help to move if the child will have the same issues wherever they go.
Is there another preschool you can send him to? His behavior doesn't sound that unusual for a 4 year old boy. Not paying attention in class, wanting to be with you - normal.
Fortunately, you are almost done with school! Only a couple more months, it sounds like.
Ow..I feel for him.......Find another preschool or if you have some relative who can take care of him, pull him out from preschool and enroll him twice a week in a different activity. Just ideas....
Good Luck!
I have to say not every kid is from the same mold. Some kids have more energy than others or shorter attention spans. Or just develop a little slower. At this age, if your son is reallly not happy with his classroom or preschook, have him switched. He is at a stage in his life where he is learning his social skills. Are they expecting a 4 year old boy to be perfect? How disruptive is he? I would change schools. But you also will have to put some time in and help him learn how to learn social situations. I'm not sure how your finances are but maybe on a Saturday take him to either a sport program or just some sort of grouping where you can sit and observe him with other kids and help him figure out the best way to deal with whats going on. Dont yell or punish him but try to talk to him like, i noticed you didnt feel like sitting with everyone and went got a book. What do you think of this or that. Could be he is bored crazy. Remember every kid has a problem. No kid is perfect. They are learning just like we are. And don't expect miracle over night. It will take time.
It sounds like it's not a great preschool for your son. Lots of kids (especially boys) aren't ready for academics and a structured environment at 4. Why not try to find a preschool or daycare where they aren't expected to sit still a lot and most of the activities aren't academic? If he's only 4 he has at least 2 years before kindergarten and the skills they need before that time are very basic, mostly social. If the teachers are negative towards you I can imagine what it's like for your son to be around them all day. Often the other students will pick up on a teachers negativity towards a child and put him down or ostracize him. There just seem to be any reason to keep him in this enviroment if he isn't thriving.
Sounds like your gut is telling you he needs another preschool. I'd try that if you don't think that the change would be too rough for him (but if he doesn't like where he is now and cries it couldn't be much worse). His behavior sounds totally normal. If he doesn't have any friends (and I don't think he'd be fibbing about that) another daycare situation would be worth a try. Good luck and God bless - don't be too hard on yourself!
Okay girl,
this is what I would do if I was you. I would first take him to the pediatrician and have him tested. Explain to the pediatrician all the comments from school. Ask the school to have him tested. After you get a result, either from your doctor or the school, you'll take the next step. If the results are negative then ask them to put him in a different class. When my son was in pre-k they had two different classes. Maybe he clashes with the teacher. Or the best thing if you don't see any changes and if they don't want to work with you is to change the school just to find out if it's him or them.
Is he able to mingle and play with other kids his age outside school? friends, church, relatives, etc.? I wouldn't wait to get this done, your son needs help, maybe professional or maybe just from you; but he definitely needs help. Think how you would feel at his age and no one likes you.
My oldest has always been the 'different' one, his brother and sister have no problems making friends, but he does. In pre-k he only had one friend, but I knew that there was nothing wrong with him, it's just his personality.
So, please call his pediatrician and schedule and appointment to have him tested. Also go to the pre-k and tell them that you want your son tested. If am not mistaken, by law they need to do that.
Don't let your son see you upset about it, let him know that you can't stay home with him but promise him that you will work things out and get him to a place where he will be happy.
Blessings
