Communication with School Not Good. Need Understanding.

I am not a public school teacher, though I have worked with other people's children most of my life through private school, preschool and childcare.

It is sad to me that this single incident has to be treated with a blanket rule. I understand how the school will have to enforce their rule blindly and not take any extenuating circumstances in to consideration, but that does not mean that I have to agree with it.

I am going to have to seriously disagree with Dad OP.... a therapist or spanking for a scratch? I grabbed my daughter's arm as she tripped yesterday and scratched her, should I report myself now? Why does this have to be a big deal?

It sounds to me like the boy did what he was taught was right (seek adult help) and then defend himself (grab her to make her stop) when the adult help never came. Why was it ok that the girls were causing him pain by screaming in his ears, but it is all his fault for defending himself and scratching her? It sounds like the scratch was possibly even an accident when she tried to pull away and he held on?

I personally do not think any punishment is warranted at all and this is a typical "P.R. nightmare" because people overact when it comes to their children.

If this happened to a child in my care I would notify both families and explain that circumstances, then hopefully everyone would use this as a learning experience and provide a positive solution rather than point the finger and punish the "guilty".

Teach the girls to be more aware and compassionate to those around them and teach the boy that standing up for himself is ok, but there will be consequences if he choses violence to do it.

Support and understand each child's decision and help guide them to a better solution and then they can prevent the problem on their own in the future.

I would try to meet with the teachers with an open mind. Sometimes there might be hard feelings toward a more difficult child, but approaching the teacher without blame with help them to remember that each child is special and unique and should be treated as such.

I would let your son know that you support him and his right to defend himself no matter what the school does, but explain the reasons that the school has rules and why they have to enforce them. Use this as a moment to teach him to be responsible for his actions instead of teaching him to be a bully that blames everyone else.

Good Luck - parenting is hard, but it is worth it in the end.

I am confused if you are the parent of the boy or the parent of the little girl who was scratched?

If you are the parent of the boy I do not see why you would not have acces to his file. If you are the parent of the girl you have not rights to his file.

Sometimes we need to step outside of the box and realize we, ourselves, need to change to the situation to find the solution. Does that make sense? My son doesn't like to be yelled at. If I continue to yell at him he is never going to listen to what I say. After I realized he will not do as I ask b/c I am yelling I need to realize I can not yell at him but to get down to his level and talk with him. Maybe this boy needs extra attention to help keep his cool and sometimes his classmates may need to learn that yelling near him will only make things worse for him so we need to avoid yelling and loud noises near him.

It was mishap - I wouldn't shun the boy for eternity b/c he scratched somebody.

My son was suspended not too long ago for biting a boy. I thought for sure he would never speak to the kid again and I would not to the boys mother. But thru the help of the school councelor the boys have learned the correct way to behave with eachother - the other boy stopped picking on my son and my son has learned new ways to coup with frustration. I learned from my son and reached out to the other boys mom and we talk regularly now to help the boys avoid another problem/mishap.

Plus - I would hope that my son wouldn't be shunned b/c he had 1 incident. He is still a good kid - but just that he is a kid and still is learning self control.

I wish you luck.

Each district is different in how they handle discipline. In my school, if there is any incident of a child touching another child in a manner that causes any harm (intentional or unintentional) ther eis an office referral, and depending on the history of the child there is a system for punishment. Typically, students who draw blood will receive some sort of suspension, in school or out of school. It is a district policy that is followed. It is completely out of the hands of the teachers or the administrators, as they are held to the district standards.

As far as dealing with parents of children who are "non-traditional", it happens every day. I don't try to avoid them, or those children. The conversations can often be difficult as the parents are often very defensive about their child, and can/do make excuses for them. I have to remind those parents, more often than not, that although their child may have an IEP or interventions, they are still held to the standards of the school and district.

You should be able to see your own childs file and record. You can't see other childrens, but your own childs records are ones you should be able to access. Things here are never pulled from the record. It's one of the things that we are constantly reminded about, that whatever we write on referrals or documentation are available to the parents.

I hope this helps. Please keep in mind that each district is different, so you will want to pose these questions to the counselors or administrators at the school you are speaking about.

sorry i am alittle confused about the file Anyway relax think you are overthinking it kids do things like that all the time reinforce his behavior at home and leave school to teaches ect

Updated

sorry i am alittle confused about the file Anyway relax think you are overthinking it kids do things like that all the time reinforce his behavior at home and leave school to teaches ect

Well, I would think that there is a minimum standard of behavior that every child must follow...including no scratching etc... If he cannot behave and interact well with other children, then he needs to be put in a different situation. So if he is hurting other children, then they need to change his atmosphere whether that be detention, suspension, etc..

I take it that you child in in the class with this little boy. I am sure that the other parents are horrified at his behavior. If I could tell that they were actively trying to find a solution, then I wouldn't have hard feelings against them personally.

As far as the other child's record, I don't think that you have ANY right to see any part of that record. If it isn't about your child, then it just isn't your business and I don't think that they can show it to you.

What you can do is insist that they protect your child from getting hurt by the little boy. And personally I would raise holy hell until I was assured that they would do just that....

About your son and the school: I dont know the history, maybe you want to elaborate? You and the school should not be adversaries. You should work together to help your son. Every meeting should be about how you and the school can work together to help him succeed in school, control his anger, and learn academic and social skills. You cant feel the school should totally change for him and they cant feel that you should solve all problems at home. Why do you feel negative about the school already? what has happened in the past?
For this incident: I ask Why his fingernails so long? Kids can get scratched by accident when fingernails are too long. So because of the parents, this incident became a bloody mess when it should have been a small, typical Kindergarten incident. If you do not cut his nails because he doesnt like it, well it makes me wonder what else you dont do because he doesnt like it? Sorry if I saound like I'm blaming you, but It's hard to understand after just hearing about one incident, I can only comment on this one post.

1. He didn't get the teachers or principal.
2. He could have walked away from the screaming girls, but chose to get physically aggressive.

So he had 2 choices to make the situation better, but instead resorted to physically taking action. So, he needs to be taught HOW to better handle these situations, to walk away, to get an adult involved, to remain calm...

This singular incident wouldn't typically bother me, but the fact that the child has anger and oppositional defiant issues already tells me this could evolve into a big problem.

For punishment, it depends on the severity of the scratch and the school rules. The girl who screamed in his ear should also receive punishment. Usually for this age grade, a time out for the duration of recess.

As for dealing with the parents, I wouldn't want to avoid them, unless they are constantly making excuses for their child, because in the long run, that is the worse thing they can do.

So, start now to work with the school in taking positive, but aggressive action.

As for hearing loss, he maybe had some ringing in his ears for a little while after screaming, but I very highly doubt that it is anything permanent.

This is coming from someone who had extensive experience with a sibling who was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder, so I know the ins and outs of it and the kind of therapy/treatment it requires.

Yes, you should be able to see all your child's records.

To answer the part about good communications with the school, would it be possible to set up a meeting with your family counselor, the principal, the classroom teacher and the school counselor or school psychologist? This way you would be helping the school to understand what has worked to improve your son's behavior in past situations and you could all make a plan to support him in his self-control at school.