Coaching Questions - Serious Help Needed

okay, L.- my father works on the board for L(ake)W(ashington)Y(outh)S(occer)A(ssociation) or LWYSA for short. Your sister needs to talk to the father and tell him that she is the coach and he needs to back off. If he can't then he and his daughter will be off the team. It's unfair to his daughter, I know, but it's unfair to the other 10ish kids that are playing on the team to hear a man berate and control them. Your sister needs to remember that it is affecting her a lot, and it's hurting her....think how those other kids must be feeling.
Also, I know that if they are playing a game and the father is going crazy and yelling stuff from the sidelines (which is "illegal" in soccer games, not even the coach is supposed to yell, but especially not the parents) the reff can actually card him and ask him to leave the field. But, what usually happens, the reff speaks to the coach first and tells him/her to control her parents.
you would be surprised with the stories I have heard about parents that are out of control, yelling horrible things at children and reffs, throwing things, and just being very immature. Your sister needs to make that man stop NOW, or get him and his daughter off the team. She can talk to the soccer board about how to do that. Good luck to her!
L.

I think she should call a parents meeting and tell them all if anyone badmouths anyone or gets out of hand they can leave the game and if they don't their child will be the one that gets hurt as that child will have to leave the team rather than have the whole team exposed to such issues. Tell them that is the rules and they will have to abide by them. If they don't they know what will happen and so do their children.
My son played soccer on a great team from 4 through most of high school. When he was 15 they went to an international tournament in Hawaii! It was great but we had a couple parents that were the same way. When we got home from Hawaii the coach announced he was going to be leaving and wouldn't be able to coach the team any more. We couldn't find anyone to coach this amazing team because no one would take on the horrible parents we had!! How awful is that?!! The team broke up which was so sad for the boys. My son went on to play college soccer and was the captain of the team in his last two years. He actually tried out for the Sounders. He wasn't well prepared for that as he had just had surgery on his legs but he still made it to the final cut so you know how good he is and how good the whole team was with kids like him on it. I was a 4-H leader for years and it was the same thing there too. I finally didn't invite parents to a lot of the competions as it was so much easier on the kids to not have them there! My best to her!!

L.,

I agree with Laura. I played myself for seven years starting at age 10. At age 12 I started refereeing as well. I've seen more aspects of the game than many.

My first team I played on had an elitist father and all we heard all game was "go hard Ambie" "get the ball Ambie" "shoot the ball Ambie" etc. It sounded like she was the only girl on our team on the field. That coach didn't do anything to stop that parent, and we all hated hearing him (parents included).

As the coach it is your sister's responsibility to deal with this parent. If he cannot keep his comments positive, then he and his daughter need to find another team. Soccer should be fun and enjoyable for EVERYone involved. An obnoxious parent does not make things fun.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

My son has been in soccer now for 10 years, and I've seen it all---the parent that you describe is pretty typical, especially when the kids are younger. One year, my solution was to hand out "dum dum" lollipops to the loudmouth parents. Worked great! Another time a loud, obnoxious parent was silenced by the comment: "Who's ego is on the field, and why is this so important to you?" One of the best solutions that I've seen so far, though is at one game, when a dad started doing this: Almost all of the other parents moved close to the guy and started shouting positive stuff REALLY loudly to drown him out. It took him a while to figure it out, but he finally noticed and shut up! It was great. Good luck to your sister!

Many leagues have sportsmanship rules that apply to parents and other adults at all the games. This is your sister's first line of defense, and it should be her offensive game plan. Call a parents meeting and handout guidelines for spectator behavior. This way every adult has a copy and things can be discussed there with players and other children out of sight and hearing range. If there is going to be any discussion, this is the place for it. Peer pressure will occur if the majority of the parents are in support of the coach. If not, then maybe your sister needs to listen to what they have to say. We're never too old to learn. As it is with all rules, there are consequences. Make sure that those consequences are printed on the handout as well. Make sure that they are consistently applied to all at all times. Talk with league leadership and see if the umpires are allowed to remove a spectator from the field/out of the stands. I know many soccer leagues use high school players as refs, so it maybe that you have a parent bouncer or sergeant at arms to enforce the rules. This would allow your sister to coach, the decision to remove the offender would not be her's and the offending parent would be gone. Yes, she runs the risk of the parent removing their child from the program and the child might be an all-star, but what is that parent teaching that child with their behavior, not only their child but every other child on the field. If the behavior persists, the league leadership should have a face to face, rubber meets the road meeting with the parent.