Coach's Favoritism

Are you from a remote area, is that why you are "out of town?"
Is there another team you can play on?
We had a similar situation and we switched teams. My kid is very sensitive and absolutely does not respond well to mean coaches or all the tough talk. Granted, my kid is a girl in a different sport, but kids respond differently to some coaching styles. The coach we had problems with was the daughter of a manager at the rec. center, so it was hard to go and complain. We just decided a new team was a better fit and we've been very happy with the new team.
Sometimes the new kid has to prove themselves too. He may need to give it a little more time.

Don't let him quit over this, he'll simply learn that you throw in the towel when the going gets tough. He's 11 and if he sticks with it, will soon enough be trying out for the high school team in a few years. Middle school years are really important for building skills. Coaches will change. Build up his self esteem at home, teach him to assert himself and speak to his coach. There may be some reason other than what you believe for the coach not playing him as much right now. Also keep in mind that a lot of coaches are volunteers and some of them don't always do what's best for the kids because they lack the training. My husband coaches baseball and was a former PE teacher, he's awesome because all the kids get a lot of opportunities while consistently improving, they also manage to do well in the league. Wish all coaches could be former PE teachers.

ha ha!!! years and years of coaching and team-mom-ing in the little league makes this sort of story ALL too familiar!
i wish we'd had a buck for every parent who told us we were doing it wrong, overlooking their star athlete's gifts, playing favorites, being unfair, wrecking their kids' self-esteem. everyone could have done it better, but were too busy to actually step in and volunteer.
and all the 'roundabout' ways of informing the coaches how stupid/biased/unprofessional/clueless/mean-spirited we were, and how if their star athletes quit it would be All Our Faults.
if your son loves ball, he'll play even if he doesn't get as many at-bats as he wants.
if your son loves ball he'll learn (hopefully with encouragement and role-playing as necessary with his parents) to communicate effectively and positively with his coaches. even the not-perfect ones.
if your son loves ball enough he'll keep playing even if he hits an occasional genuinely crappy coach, just as most kids manage to keep learning when they hit an occasional crappy teacher.
if his self-confidence is going down the tubes, it's your job to address it. a strong confident kid is built in the home, not on the playing field.
i have no patience for this.
ETA the low number of at bats happens because all the kids have to play, but they don't all have to play the entire game. i'm guessing that this boy is only put in for a couple of innings.
khairete
S.

I'm sorry. It's possible you are biased. If your son is on the All-Star team? He should be able to stand out on his skills alone.

We've experienced favoritism by coaches. It's hard. Why not just talk to the coach bluntly? Stop beating around the bush and address your concerns.

At some point? Your son is going to have to help himself and confront the coach. He needs to prove himself to the coach with his skills and if he feels that is not working? He needs to address the coach. this is a life skill your son will have to have.

None of us can comment on your son's skill level. It sounds like it would be really tough to prove what you are claiming. You say that you have talked to the coach in a round about way. Have you asked the coach directly about your son's skill level and playing time? I would try that next. Bottom line, if that talk does not give you some resolution, then it is time to move on. Regardless of the reason, your son is no getting what he needs from this league. Find another pkace for him to play.

The season is almost over and I assume he'll have a different coach next year. Most good players have experienced this in one form or another.

My daughter spent 1/2 of this season having to prove herself as the starting pitcher. It was clear coach was favoring the sponsor of the teams kid but my girl just hung in there and now it's very clear who is the best pitcher and the coach has changed his tune.

It's hard not to be seen for what you believe is your superiority over other players but it's a fact of life in competitive sports.

The idea that your boy would quit is over that is sad. Baseball is not only a great sport but one that teaches a lot about perseverance and giving your all no matter the situation. Sometimes all a player has is one moment to get people to pay attention, it can be brutal.

If he's as good as you say he WILL be recognized for his talent as long as he keeps working and and doesn't quit.

My now 21 year old daughter played from 7 years to 17 years and did not want to play in college. Yep she was an all star and a travel ball team player and I wasn't a PITA parent and she always had a great competitive attitude.

Do you still live "out of town" and signed him up for this league? All stars in a different areas could be pretty poor in his current league.

At 11 he is pleanty old enough to talk with the coach himself and see if there are any issues, he will also be more respected that mommy didn't do it.

There's no crying in baseball/softball!! It gets way more competitive...just wait until high school.

If you haven't directly asked the coach why your son is playing less than other boys, you do not know why. You are describing this situation from what you see. You're not close to knowing the whole story. Everyone on that field has an opinion. Your description is your opinion. Keep an open mind and ask to talk with him.

If your son is "that good" he will stick it out because he loves the game.
Coaches change every year, just like teachers.
Does your son not understand that?
If not, just remind him. He's old enough to get it.

A couple of things come to mind:
First, why are you playing out of your own area? Is there a team in your town you could play on instead?
2. has the coach known these other players for years? If so, it's going to be hard to get him to your son for the star he is if he's used to how all the other kids play. He may also consider the fact that the other kids are used to each other, and therefore may feel they are more in sync with each other when they make plays (even if your son is equally/more capable)

3. Your son, at age 11, should start advocating for himself, rather than having you talk to the coach. I would recommend that he starts a conversation with the coach after practice one day, by saying something like this: "Coach, I notice that all the other kids get more playing time than I do. Is there something I should work on, or do differently, so that I can get equal playing time with the other kids?" See where the conversation goes from there. He could also add something like "I really love baseball and want to be able to play."

I have no doubt that your son is a good player. However, the coach may be looking for something specific that your son isn't doing. It may be as simple as hustling out to his position at the start of an inning or back to the dugout at the end of one. Perhaps your son is making comments that the coach is misinterpreting. Maybe your son doesn't demonstrate enough enthusiasm in his eyes, especially if he's starting to feel dejected at the lack of playing time.

See how the coach responds to your son bringing it up in a calm, assertive manner. Hopefully there is an easy fix.

It sounds like your son just has to stick it out. This sounds like a good opportunity to teach your son about life. Right now he's not getting much playing time because he's new. He might get passed over for team captain in high school because they pick the principal's kid instead. He might get passed over for a job he's really qualified for because the boss hires his friend. It sucks--but it's life. Teach your son to play with is head held high.

You say you are biased, but that what you say is true - which is it? You see your child's attitude and personality for what you experience every day - yet it may or may not be that he's viewed the same way by someone who sees him less frequently. And part of the sport is not just fast running or a great throwing arm, but the ability to play team ball, size up all the situations in an instant, and work well with other players. It's possible that your son isn't there yet and that you aren't seeing possible weaknesses in seeing every play and every opportunity. Kids (and adults) need to be willing to give up the ball, for example, to someone else who has a better play.

How do you know that the coach is using your address as a deciding factor? Has he made comments about your son's hometown?

By 11, kids are usually expected to be able to communicate with their teachers and their coaches. That means, if your son wants more game time, he should approach the coach and ask what he needs to do to build skills or earn a more prominent role. You can role-play this with your son - but your son's approach should be about building his own skills and asserting his devotion to the team, not about "I deserve this" or "I'm better than Joe and Tony at everything." Teach your son to make his case, and also to choose his time to talk carefully. When he first arrives and the coach is trying to get everyone organized, for example, is not a good time to launch into something. So teach your son to ask, "Coach, I'd like to talk to you about something. When would be a good time for you?"

The coach can still be a jerk, I get that. But no good can come of a parent groaning about how their son is better than everyone at X, the 2nd best at Y, and so on, let alone accusing the coach of sidelining a player based on his address. It IS okay to ask his philosophy on playing time and how he makes those decisions. But you have to be direct instead of being vague - you can't expect the coach to respond to a point you haven't clearly made.

The relationship between players and coaches is important. I've seen good and bad coaches. I've complained about one (for gross negligence of my sick son) and I've back off on all the others because the kids can only have one coach and that's not me in the middle of the field. I've also seen 2 parents (married couple) banned from games and all athletic events by the school because of their relentless harassment of a coach, including leaving notes on the windshield and otherwise telling him he's incompetent.

If your child were 7, I'd say you have to handle it. But he's 11 and playing on an elite team. It's up to him to at least start with "how can I improve?" and not take on your assumptions about residence requirements unless and until the coach is approached without emotion. If the coach is unprofessional or cruel, then you can go up the line to complain.

I don't coach but I have friends who do. I think they would say that if they had a dollar for every parent who complained that their kid was really good and not getting enough playing time, they'd be rich.

What to do? Encourage your son to ask the coach what he needs to do to get better (even if he's really good, there are things he can work on to get better). He can even ask the coach if the coach is willing to come to practice a little early or stay a little late to work on those things with him. Your son's willingness to work hard and ask for help is going to go a lot further with a coach than a complaint from a parent.

What if you finish out the season and find another place for him to play? He'd once again be the newcomer on a team, but if it's really a case of that coach discriminating, and he has real talent, that will prevail. He'd still have to work his way up and prove himself. Is he willing to put in the time and effort? If so, try a different team next season. If not, let your son decide whether or not to sign up again for this team.

I wholeheartedly agree that you should coach your son on asserting himself with his coach. You shouldn't be talking to the coach about his playing time, he should. If he's so frustrated, why hasn't he? If this coach truly is a jerk, try another team, but not before encouraging him to speak up for himself and see what happens.

It comes down to whether your son loves the game more than he dislikes his coach. Don't let your own feelings and expectations get in the way. Follow your son's lead and support him either way.

As you can see, baseball at that level can be VERY political and cliquey (sad but true). Getting vocal MIGHT not be the best option here.
Baseball is, at the end of the day, a TEAM sport. No matter how good, a kid doesn't win a district tournament on his own.
What you're describing (accurate throws home from CF, "game winning runs,") are pretty typical for this level of play. Kids that lack those skills are dropping baseball by this age.
Option? Find him a different league in which to play.
IMO, at that age teams shouldn't have that many extra players do any kid is sitting that much. Where do the kids on your town play?
And there's always travel ball--more cost but might be a good option.

I don't know anything about Little League. We are swimmers, water polo players and musicians. But here are a few things we have learned along the way as we have run into issues.

First. Teach your son to be proactive and assertive.

Have HIM talk to his coach. We do not talk to our kids' teachers or their coaches for them. We teach them to do that for themselves. Our daughter(age 12) just had something humiliating happen with a teacher for the second time this year. (This is a nice person but not a very skilled teacher and is being monitored by the Principal and Vice Principal due to many parent and student complaints.) Our daughter told us she would handle it so we stayed out. She made an appointment with the Vice Principal and had a great discussion with her. Sure we could have gone in guns blazing and wielded some power but that is not the lesson we want our daughter to learn for the time being or for life. She is turning into a very respectful, hard working, independent and assertive young lady because of the difficult situations she has had to overcome and find solutions for.

Second.
Do not bad mouth in your home or within your circle of friends when your child can hear. Keep things positive.

Turn situations like this into learning experiences. Yes, your son needs to learn that life isn't fair. He needs to know mom will not swoop in and try to make things fair. Help him find it within himself to make his talents and skills shine. Help him come up with solutions for this season.

A kid that loves the sport will love playing. At this age kids rarely see "special treatment" attributed to living out of town. He might be perceptive enough to realize it may be due to being the new kid. New kids need to spend some time showing others what they are bringing to the team. New kids need to be assertive and proactive about getting to know the players in already established friendships. It is hard being the new kid. But...it is a great position to be in to learn life lessons!

Be positive mom and play ball!!

Others bat 6 times and he bats twice? How does that even happen? The top of the lineup may get one more bat than the bottom, but not 4 times as many at bats...that makes no sense at all.

If you are unhappy with it, speak to the coach. So often they don't realize what they are doing, sadly. My husband coaches both of our boys and he is credited with treating our boys the exact same, if not harder, than the rest of the team. They aren't placed in the 4th batting spot or play in field because they are better than the others - they do those things if they earn it. Maybe if you talk to the coach then he will work with your son more to get him to that all-star level you see him playing at.

Tell him to go ahead and go for it. Just make sure the person's in charge of the All Stars teams knows that your son really doesn't want to be on this coach's team. Surely if he's played before he can ask to be on his old coach's team or anyone else's.

I'd tell him that sometimes things don't go our way but then we find a way to take good from it.

Our basketball coach plays his kid almost the whole game every game. This kid is the one that is passed the ball when it comes into play. They dribble it every single time down to a corner then shoot and miss, the other team gets the rebound and takes off to go make a point. Our defensive players are the only reason we don't lose every single game.

Our team is very close though and this player will get better, I hope...

this explains my situation pretty much to a T. We went to tournament baseball this year and the team he plays for is out of town with all the boys going to a different school than him. He went from star pitcher and third base to either playing left field or sitting the bench. In one tournament he only played a total of 1 game out of 5. So he sat 4. I did talk to the coach and it has gotten a little better but his confidence has just plummeted and I know he is as good if not better than some of the kids he plays with. But at this level he has his core group of players who he has coached for a few years and my kid is the new kid. he is working so hard to prove himself so Im very proud of him. And he has learned so much this year, more than any prior year. He is a great coach but my son just isn't playing. We all want our kids to be great, but even in professional sports rookies don't always play. We are going to ride out the rest of the season and re-evaluate.

I am confused, in baseball the batting lineup does not change, it keeps going picking up from where you left off the ending before, so there is no way that he could only have 2 at bats while everyone else has 6.

With that out of the way, you could always request not to be with that coach next year.