Co-Sleeping With Toddler- and Separation Anxiety

I admit, I have a slight problem with my son sleeping with me as well. I put him in his crib once he falls asleep. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, I go get him and put I'm back in my bad. What I should be doing is leaving him in the crib. He will fall back to sleep on his own. So why aren't I doing that? Lol. Because I'm a sucker for my little guy! Lol. I would suggest you try that. I'm going to do it tonight. I'll keep you posted. :)

First of all don't feel guilty for having a child who needs more of you during the night than other kids you know. My daughter needed to sleep with us until she was about 3, then transitioned into her own room just fine. My son was sleeping in his crib by the time he was 6 months old....he didn't sleep well with us, moved all night long, and when we moved him to his crib he slept all night! Different kids need different things. Its for such a short time that my husband and I believe in meeting our children's individual needs. When she got old enough we got her a toddler bed that was right next to our bed. She fell asleep in our bed, and when we went to bed we moved her to her toddler bed, when she turned 3 we moved her toddler bed into another room, but if she wanted it back with us we would move it back in the middle of the night. Now she LOVES sleeping all alone, in her big full size bed, and kicks me out at night! When she goes to grandpa and grandma's house they let her sleep with them in their bed. My husband co slept with his parents so its not a huge deal. Or, grandma sleeps with her on the ground. I PROMISE she will sleep in her own bed. Give into her now and build up her security, it will make her a stronger, more self assured little kid.

talk to your pediatrician before making any final decision.

To me, if she has acute separation anxiety + not sleeping at night.....then I would not start co-sleeping! She needs to feel settled & secure in her own world....not in your bed.

Find ways to ease her mind, but please don't coddle her. I truly think that if she spent more time with other kids, she wouldn't notice if her parents weren't right next to her! Try some of the local play groups, playgrounds, etc & just see if she'll play (at this age, it's parallel play - usually not interactive play) somewhat independently. With both of you home, I think that's part of the issue: she needs to see & be around others!

EDIT: thank you so much for updating us! That's important info that we need to know to be able to help! Okay, now I'm somewhat stumped.... what happens if you leave her at home with a grandparent? Does she freak? Is she okay with her daddy....if you leave? & with the reverse, how does she do?

How about contacting your local early childhood group thru your school district & see if they have any info that would help? & one more thought: have you considered a puppy or other pet? Something that would diffuse her focus on you? Just shoot me now, right?!! Peace....

Oh boy - I went through the same thing with my son. I read a lot of the Dr. Sears and Elizabeth Pantley books. The Sears have books on high needs babies and children, which were definitely a help. Honestly, I know it's hard now, but if you just continue to meet her needs now, she will eventually become independent on her own. I tried joining the YMCA when my son was your daughter's age and he cried so bad that they would have to page me to come get him and I could never finish a workout. He started to get a lot better when he turned 2 and when he turned 3, he suddenly became very independent! So it does get better :)

We had the same sleeping arrangement that you are doing now and we just never left him anywhere overnight. He finally stayed with my parents overnight when he was 4 and he did great. They just set up a cot right next to their bed. He probably would have done fine at 3, we just never went anywhere.

Hang in there! :)

Some children just need their parents all the time. I have co-slept with all my kids our baby is 5 months old and oldest is 15 she is a horrible sleeper.( we have six) My 4 yr old has a really hard time separating until very recently she has an iron will I think. One of things that has helped my little one is a blankie that I sleep with and they carry around that smells like mommy when I am not there. Also chatting up who is going to take care of her when you can not. You also may be surprised by her reaction to a daycare setting she well may enjoy it. It will get better and you will sleep again. Good Luck!
J. O
mom of six

Our first child had a terrible time sleeping. He was up a LOT. We started off with him sleeping with us and in his crib and it ended up him sleeping with us most of the time. At around 1 I remember he would be up about 6-8 times a night. It was awful - I was so sleep deprived. We finally did a "cry it out" method with him only because we got to a point where we could not function and I had no memory from so little sleep. It was crazy. He never did well with CIO and we just had to do it over and over every single night. It never helped him to learn to sleep through the night or go to sleep on his own but he did learn to sleep about 3-4 hours at a time which was a HUGE improvement bc then I could sleep 3-4 hours. Finally when he was about 2 and a half he started sleeping better. He wanted a bunk bed really bad and begged for it all the time. We told him if he could sleep all night in his own room then he could get a bunk bed. That really helped and he started sleeping in his own room all the time. At some point (I don't remember when) we gave up having him go to sleep by himself and one of us would read him his stories and then lie with him till he was asleep or very sleepy. I think by age 3 and a half he was finally a good sleeper. Anyway, i don't know if this was separation anxiety with him, but I thought I'd share that with you. I do think it's important for your daughter to start learning to enjoy having someone else watch her. If you can find a very caring care giver who is willing to hold her a lot that would work for you going back to work. We found a woman who watched our son only...as a way to make a little extra money and to have some social time for her daughter who was the same age. She had to hold our son a lot at first, and he grew to love her like a 2nd mama. I worked about 15 hours a week at that point. It was great for him bc then it was an easier transition for him going to preschool and preschool made it an easy transition for going to Kindergarten. Good luck with your little one.

I put a toddler bed next to my bed and once she fell asleep I would lay her in her bed. My bed was low so she could climb in when she wanted to. This happen for a year by the time she was 3 she slept all night in her own bed. :) It was tough but it worked. I did the same for our little guy too. :)

I feel that if you co-sleep now you will only make matters worse in the long run. Help her find ways to understand you can not be in her sight but will still be there. I think day care or playgroups would be very good for her.