Co-sleeping with Grandchildren

I often wake up with both of my grandkids in bed with me, it is really no big deal They love the attention and want to snuggle. Their parents are often too busy being the boss and trying to "make" them do stuff and forget they are still kids and need to have some attention like snuggling.

Yes, I agree with you. Not so much gross, but really, they are getting older and bigger, and if you feel uncomfortable then it should stop and she should respect that. The fact that she leaves her bed to go sleep in their bed is weird, creepy and in my mind inappropriate. For me, it would give me the creeps if my kids slept with their grandparents, knowing that a perfectly available bed or cot or sleeping bag was down the hall, or even at the foot of the bed. It makes me think she has some sort of bonding or attachment issues. It didn't bother me when my kids were preschool age, but they are getting older now.

A family camp out to watch a movie in the living room, or even sleeping with parents sometimes is one thing, but this is something else entirely.

Sorry, but sleeping together is not weird. As long as everyone gets a good night's sleep and no one is being made to do this (the children want to), then no problem. My daughter is 9 and some nights she still wants to sleep with me, but those nights are getting fewer and fewer. They grow up fast enough and will speak their mind about wanting their independence. My daughter and I have been co-sleeping since she was born and she is the most independent and well-adjusted kid I know.

My friend, I see you're new to this site... if only you knew what a hot topic this has been the past few days. Good luck to you!

My opinion: super weird. If you're uncomfortable (and I think you're right to be), then maybe set up shop on the couch while the grand babies are over. Not sure how the kids parents feel about it, or even how the children feel about it, but it's your house, your rules... stay within your own comfort zone :)

You definitely win this one buddy!

From the beginning of time, families have shared beds. Animals sleep together too, observe piles of puppies or piles of cats sleeping together. It's not wrong for you to feel uncomfortable. Those are your valid feelings. But it's not wrong for her either.

I remember liking to sleep with my grandma till I was about 10 or 12. The kids grow out of it eventually. Grandma made us girls our own room when we got old enough to jump ship.

I'm with her. Why are you in such a rush for them to be "independent?" They're children!

I snuggle with my 6yo grandson when he's going to bed on those evenings when I've spent the whole day with him, whether at his house or mine. When he's overnighting with us, he likes to jump into bed with me and his grandpa when he wakes early in the morning. He's not dependent on it, but we all love it.

I've told him a few times that he can end this tradition if he ever feels uncomfortable with it or would rather just read himself to sleep. So far, he loves it and shows no need for additional privacy. That will come, I'm sure. I doubt very much that I'll still snuggle him to sleep when he's ten.

But if he were a girl, I don't think I'd hesitate until she said stop. My daughter would sometimes snuggle with me until she was well into adolescence. She progressed normally into a strong and independent young woman.

So, it doesn't seem strange to me at all. But one of the markers of emotionally healthy family life is that all people's needs are honored in the best balance possible. And one of the markers for the need for more privacy, less nudity, etc., is that either the child OR the adult becomes uncomfortable with it. It doesn't matter which party – once that discomfort sets in, more privacy should be instituted as family policy.

So if YOU are uncomfortable having the children in bed with you, then your wife should probably plan on sleeping with them in the guest room on nights they spend at your house. At some point, one or both kids will probably express a desire to sleep alone.

My mom sleeps with her grandkids when they spend the night, mostly because she feels safer knowing they are with her and not wandering around on their own. I co-slept with both of my kids. The oldest spontaneously decided to spend every night in his bed when he was around 9 or 10. Both of my kids are independent and confident. In fact, co-sleeping proponents believe that co-sleeping makes kids more independent and confident rather than less.

I would encourage you to ask your wife why she wants to co-sleep and try to understand. Conversely, maybe you could become more clear about why it bothers you so much and express those feelings to her rather than tell her she's doing something wrong. This sounds like a marital issue to me that is more about how the two of you communicate and work through conflict.

They are both too old for co-sleeping. Anything beyond an afternoon nap is too much. You are not off base with this.

See if you can make other arrangements for the kids that the kids would be excited about and enlist them into changings Grandmother's mind. I hope this helps your cause.

FYI - I know a 12 year old girl that is having trouble sleeping alone now because she only ever slept with her mother and grandmother. Her grandmother died and her mother is in a nursing home. Poor thing lives with her Aunt and Uncle and is always trying to climb in bed with them. That's just a strange place for her to be in at such an old age. I feel broken hearted for her.

Eh, I think it's weird, personally, but a lot of people swear by it. I'm with Rachel for sure on this one. If you don't like it & she won't quit it, take your butt to the couch when the grandbabies are over. At least that way you'll get some peace.

Regardless of how I feel about the co-sleeping, it bothers me more your wife doesn't respect how you feel. Since it is equally your house and your bed, you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable. Assuming you have calmly, clearly explained to her how the co-sleeping makes you feel and she ignores your feelings, then she needs to stay in the guest bedroom with one or both of them out of respect for how you feel. Or you need to excuse yourself to another bed at these times.

Personally I go with totally weird on this one but then again we were not raised this way so it's very foreign to me.

Well....is it a matter of convenience? Are beds at a premium?
Would the floor or sofa be their only option if they were not in the bed?
And how often are you talking about? Once per year for a weekly visit? Every other day all year?

Is she afraid of them getting up & leaving the house?

Need more info.

I would say if it's a very occasional thing, it's not a HUGE deal. As long as the kids aren't bothered by sleeping with grammy.

As to the practice of sleeping with them? A little weird, but I think it falls under the exemption from the rules that grandparents get.
However, if you are not comfortable sharing a bed with your grandchildren I don't think you shouldn't be made to. She should always go to another room whether it's one or two if she knows you are uncomfortable with it.

I agree with you, I personally believe it is inappropriate.

I think its a bit old to be sleeping in the same bed yes. If its because one of them ends up climbing in in the middle of the night due to a nightmare thats a little different but if she is setting up the sleeping arrangements so that they all sleep together from the start of the night then yes I agree with you that its time they get their own beds to sleep at night

I used to sleep in my grandma's bed when I stayed over even into my teens. Then again, she only had one bed. If there was more than one I doubt I would have much beyond 8. Younger if my grandpa was still alive.

That is just kind of strange.

I have 2 girls 11 and 18 I say children should be children as long as possible. I know this because it has given both of my children the strength to get thru life this far without societies rules or lack ther of...
In saying that your wife in my eyes is being a loving grandmother and as long as the kids enjoy it there is nothing wrong with it. Let the kids in this instance let her know when they do not want it anymore. You are not being mean just have you opinion as does everyone

Age 10 is bordering on weird.

mY kids (all girls 6-13) bunk with their grandma the few times a year we are there. Granpa stays in another room at those times. It is wonderful talk cuddle time for them. I do not find it weird at all. I would be a bit weirded out if grndpa was involved - but he is happy and uncomplaining about sleeping out of the room to give them that special time.

I don't think it is strange, but you should talk to your wife and let her know if you are uncomfortable. I think the 10 year old should be sleeping on his own, but maybe they both feel more secure being close by.
In my old house my MIL's apartment was attached so my daughter would go over in the morning and crawl into her bed. Neither one of us had a problem with, but I think if my FIL was still alive he wouldn't go for it. I think it is more about personal choice. And I think the kids will be ok with their independence sleeping in the same bed.
It wasn’t that long ago that family’s would share a bedroom and sometimes the same bed too.

Ten is a bit old. six, eh, I still say ok.

My kids sleep with my mom and dad if they get scared. But now that there is three of them they try and keep them in the other room at first.

Nine time out of ten my oldest(who is six) wakes up and ends with grandma and grandpa.

I think once they get a little older she will be marching them back to the spare room...But for now, they do not seem to mind.

If one or both fall asleep after watching a movie I think is ok, but not on a regular bases. How do your grandkids or their parent/s feel about it? I think they should have their own sleeping arrangements.

I think it's great you've got an open mind and considering the opinion of others.
All studies *do* show that co sleeping actually builds independence and self confidence. Not to say children can't build these without co sleeping though. Through co sleeping, children learn that the family is there for them and can feel safe and secure during a sometimes scary time-sleeping. So many children experience fears, nightmares and such during the 'dark, scary night'. Knowing they love their grandparents and want to still snuggle up at this age is a blessing! My daughter is 9, she doesn't sleep with us, but sometimes I let her, I love that she still wants to show affection.
You're not screwed up, you think differently. Have you tried snuggling up to them? Do they enjoy sleeping with grandpa in the bed or just your wife.

I think you should cherish this time. Too soon they will become teenagers and only think their friends are cool!

Aw...they are not going to be kids for much longer. I would just enjoy the innocence of your grandkids wanting to sleep with you. My mom and dad co-sleep with my daughter. She is only 5, but I would be pro about it until she is an adult! LOL. I know my family, I know nothing perverse would ever occur, and I love that my daughter and parents have such a sweet bond. One day that 10 year old might just be too cool for you....take it while you can! :)

Do the grandkids live with you guys full-time and you have custody? Or is it that they get to spend the night once in a while?

Because if it is a once in a while thing, I wouldn't worry about it - 10 seems kinda old, but when I was 6 or 7, I liked sleeping with my grandma when we went there for weekend visits. Eventually they will grow out of it and I don't think it is worth making a fuss over if they are just there for an occasional overnight stay. If their parents have custody, what do their parents say? Are they allowed to sleep in their bed with them as well?

But if they live with you, that's a different story. I don't think that it's that they will never learn to be independent, but that your wife continues to do so despite your protests and doesn't seem to be taking your feelings into consideration.

My suggestion is to buy each of the grandkids a new, personalized sleeping bag. I know they sell them at Pottery Barn Kids, but they're totally overpriced! Anyway, that way when they come to spend the night, you and your wife can set them up with their own special beds at Grandma & Grandpa's house. And they're both old enough to explain to that they're too big to sleep in your bed and you have their new beds all ready. This way they won't feel like you don't want them. And your wife will hopefully read all of these responses and realize it's time for the kids to sleep elsewhere! Good luck!

hmm I do not think I'd want my daughter to sleep with grandmother or grandfather at the ge of 10. She probably wantws to cuddle with them while they still want to. I would speak to your daughter/son about the situation.